LA Does Still Scare Me

despite that i've lived in california for about four-and-a-half years now, i have never managed to make it down to LA.

this hasn't been a conscious choice exactly, it's just never really come up in a concrete way. true to californian thinking, plans to go to LA usually go something like:

friend who lives in SF: hey, we should go to LA sometime.

me: yeah.

likewise, invitations to come to LA often go:

friend who lives in LA: hey, you should come to LA sometime.

me: yeah.

and then it's four-and-a-half years later.

but now? well, it would seem that the time has come. Ish has friends there, and wanted to go, and right around the time it started to look like we might just go ahead and be crazy and like, make Actual Plans to travel, i discovered that my scared-to-death-of-flying sister HAS to go to LA for a Work Thing, and so whaddya know?

i am going to LA.

YAY!

but.

i will confess, i am very scared of it. because the only things i know about LA i have learned from a handful of specific movies -- LA Story, Boyz N the Hood, Lethal Weapon, Pulp Fiction, Pretty Woman, and Son-In-Law come to mind; tv shows -- 90210, LA Law, Hunter, and that 2-part episode of Sex and the City; and Crazy Aunt Purl.

so the picture i have in my head is, sure, probably somewhat skewed, but it is the picture nonetheless.

i assume that most of the weekend will be spent in traffic. possibly signs on the highway will spell out secret things just for me. it will be sunny. everyone will be thin and blond and tan and be wearing fancy clothes and carrying chic bags and have glossy lips. everyone will also have a gun. and a drug habit. everyone will either be famous or look famous or be a porn star or look like a porn star. everyone will either be an agent or be looking for one. and/or be a waiter. or in a gang. and have headshots and be rollerblading.

probably i will not be caught in gang-related warfare, but the thought has crossed my mind.

i just think of LA as this place where everyone wears their crazy on the outside, all very expensive-looking and pretty-like. which isn't scary in itself, but i also seem to get the impression that being overweight in LA* is like, totally taboo.

you know? like, everyone is suposed to look like they just walked off a set, and me wearing my plain, old Whatever, I'll Dress Better When I'm Thinner clothes isn't going to cut it.

so i'm intimidated. i feel like i'm going to be walking around and everyone will know just from looking at me, just from my appearance, that i do not belong.

my big plan to counter this, of course, is to go shopping. i will do my best to find LA-appropriate duds (suggestions are welcome, of course).

and then if i can't seem to find anything i like enough, i'll just buy a white fanny pack and matching white sneakers and sun visor, walk around with a map and camera circa 1986 and tell everyone i'm from omaha and would they mind getting my picture and does mel gibson live nearby?



*and i mean overweight as in She Walks overweight, not as in Lindsay Lohan thinking she needs to drop 25 lbs overweight...