Knitting Atrocities, Philosophies, And A Request

maybe "atrocities" is too great a word, but why i continue to pursue knitting projects is somewhat beyond my scope of understanding. i'm not an especially talented knitter. and i have almost no patience for fixing mistakes (a la "i'll bet i can fix that in the next row"). and in the EIGHT MONTHS i've been knitting, i have completed:

• four scarves
• four hats (one that looks ridiculous on me; one that is wonky; one that is a bit large and seal-like; and one that has a reservoir tip and is thusly called The Condom Hat)
• one baby blanket
• one PSP screen cleaner (don't ask)

am i forgetting something? don't think so! how sad is that? sheesh. remember all those projects i've shown you pictures of? the poncho from a hundred years ago? the scarf for Ish? the hat for charlie? the scarf for risey? right. nothing.

and yet because i am me, i have ordered NEW yarn for new projects. uh huh! NEW YARN! and of course, you know what these new project are, right? yes! to make CHRISTMAS presents! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

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sometimes -- and usually when it seems least fair -- things don't go the way they should. and when un-good things happen, well, what can you do?

we all suffer tragedy and loss and sickness and heartbreak. and it sucks.

so for me, i hang on to hope and humor. i think that's all it boils down to. i mean, if i can find a way to laugh, even when things seem otherwise completely dark, i feel like i'm letting in hope. hope that there will be happiness. hope that things won't always stay dark. acknowledgement that there is always some good to be found in the bad.

i get this sense of humor from my parents, of course.

and i bring this all up now because i do not think that many people would find anything about a colostomy bag funny. but this is why i love my family, and especially my dad.

who, while in the throes of battling cancer, left me the following voicemail from the hospital:

"hey kiki! i think we figured out what you can knit me for
christmas! now, it might be kind of hard to find a pattern..."

so um. if any of you knitters out there also have sense of humor enough to entertain this request, i'd appreciate it. you know, in case ya'll have a pattern for a Colostomy Bag Cozy hanging around. (originally i'd planned to actually start a knit-along, but realized maybe the demand for knitted colostomy bag cozies wouldn't be so great.)

anyway, yes.

i am officially asking that if any one of you is capable, to please send any recommended patterns (i have no idea how you'd go about creating this, by the way) to me at kristysf@gmail.com. or, if you're totally and completely crazy and have no other pressing holiday projects (ha!) and want to maybe MAKE one and mail it to me to give to my dad this Christmas, i could set up a PO box or something.

all in good humor, of course.