A Diet I Will Totally Stick With Until At Least Later Today

As some of you may remember, I began this blog a whopping five years ago - nearly to the day - to track my weight loss.

I know, I know. Pretty funny. Please wipe the tears from your eyes.

But even aside from the fact that I wasn't actually losing weight, I stopped writing about weight-loss stuff because it got hard to fend off so many "helpful suggestions" that basically amounted to telling me I was doing it wrong.

Like, oh, I dunno, there was that one person who read that I'd gone to Starbucks in the morning and was all, "YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT DRINKING THOSE FRILLY DRINKS!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN THEM???"

And I don't have the emotional wherewithal to try and stay motivated to lose weight AND record it if feel like I have to defend myself while doing so. Because the truth is that YES. I do know how many calories are in those drinks. I have always known. I have been counting calories and fat content my whole life, ever since I got sent to a "weight loss center" when I was like 12 years old. I know. I know.

I drink my coffee black, by the way.

On the other hand, I'm feeling kind of strong and motivated right now. I don't know if this feeling (or weight-loss endeavor) will last, but so long as it's here, I figure I may as well write about it.

For starters, I weigh 80 million pounds. (I don't know that I will EVER be brave enough to put my actual weight on my blog. Pounds lost, yes. Pounds I weigh? Probably never.) This gives me a little leverage. By which I mean that just about ANYTHING I do will yield some results right off the bat.

(Uh, of course, the problem with that is that after I lose a few pounds, I tend to feel like that means I can celebrate by going a little easier on the diet, and gain it right back. This is stupid and illogical, but a very easy cycle for me to get into.)

So here is what I'm planning to do.

I'm planning to start off on a no/low-carb bonanza. Cutting sugar out of my diet is a good thing to do for the short-term. It also allows me to eat foods that are high in fat for a while, instead of going Healthy Cold Turkey. I know from experience that this allows my transition to be a lot easier. I don't feel hungry all the time, I can eat tons of stuff I love, and I can eat out without worry. (Eating low carb at a restaurant is way easier than eating low-fat and/or low-calorie.)

After a little while (at least two weeks, maybe longer), I'm going to modify that to be more accepted-healthy. Cut back on the high-fat foods, add some good grains.

Basically, this is the South Beach Diet except my Phase I won't be cutting out alcohol 100% and it won't be obsessive about lean dairy and proteins.

Eh, we'll see how it goes.

* * * * * * *

I haven't figured out exercise yet.

I kind of tapered off my swim classes, and now I feel so guilty for leaving that I don't want to return because I don't want to have to explain my absence. But it's more than that.

For all the reasons I think classes work for most people, I think classes DON'T work for me in the long-term. I feel resentful and confined by HAVING to go to the gym on prescribed days at prescribed times for prescribed lengths. I also HATE having to socialize.

The gym is the one place in the world where I prefer to keep to myself and to be anonymous.

It's hard for me to go to the gym. I don't like it. And it takes all the strength I can muster to do it, especially when I'm so grossly overweight and out of shape. I have a constant internal struggle with myself to go and to stay long enough to get in a real workout. So, while I'm focused and brooding and working on just getting through it, being social doesn't enter into the picture.

Going to the gym is very, very personal to me and I don't want to have to chat about it to strangers (even if they are awesome, singing strangers).

* * * * * * *

So that's it, I think.

I will ask outright that if you disapprove of my plans, please don't feel obligated to share your disapproval. I know all about why diets don't work. I know why Atkins-like anything is unhealthy. I know that I need to exercise. I know that finding a workout "buddy" can be a great motivator. I know how many calories are in a frappuccino.

I also know what has worked for me in the past and what hasn't. And ultimately, I think that being honest about what I'm doing (and not doing) is the only way I can make it this time. And I really hope I do.

I really think I will, but I always think that.

Still, as I said a few years ago: it doesn't matter how many times my attempts at weight-loss have failed: I only need to be successful once.