I'm Very Busy Not Doing Things

i am sitting, now, at my computer, snotting all over the place.

(isn't that simply poetic?)

my sudafed-addled brain is having a very, very difficult time of things lately. i have finally reached the point at work where i have real responsibilities and deadlines and like, actual ShitToDo, and i gotta say, i'm a little out of practice.

and when you have ShitToDo, and drugs in your system, and flo, and a new Comic, and a performance, and a hideous break-out, and an unkempt apartment, and also life, there comes a point when the only thing you can think to accomplish is to blog about the sorry state of affairs that you have found yourself in and among.

and so you will rattle on about those affairs in no particular order because you are SICK of order because that is all you have been trying to create at work and no one is helping you because your official job is, apparently, herding cats. (remember when they tried to tell you that when you interviewed? uh huh. and what did you say? you said you love challenges. so there you go. meow, meow.)

but speaking of cats, my stupid cat, Monster, has taken to peeing at the front door. on the hardwood floor. in the same spot. roughly every other day. he pees, i clean it up. it is ridiculous and i hate cats. (not really, but you know.) he is insane and there is nothing to be done about it*. it is just The Way Things Are here in my otherwise cozy apartment: walk in the door, clean up the pee.

i feel glamorous.

and so to add to the glamour that is cleaning up cat pee and snotting all over the place, i am currently wearing sweatpants that are several years old and several sizes too big for me. and NOT in the flattering way.

and then on top i'm wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt that i stole from el_g years ago. but of course, by "stole" i mean "wore a couple times and spilled so much on it that he didn't want it back," which means that not only are the stains still present, but they have bred, creating a medley of shapes and colors that are splattered all over and that i should really be more embarrassed about.

but oh well.

so yep. sitting here, in anti-cute sweats. and a green mud masque. because as you might recall, in addition to also fighting a cold, i am fighting some freakish break-out that has decided to join me for my performance tomorrow.

along with the snot.

and of course, rather than figure out what i'm going to say to introduce the group at tomorrow's performance, i'm here writing about the things i'm not doing.

like...i'm not listening to my new super-adorable, super-tiny, super-pink mp3 player i bought for the gym. know why? 'cuz it's also super-BROKEASS. for some indeterminate reason, it only plays music in one ear, and sometimes not in either ear. um. but yeah, no. i am not returning it because that would be like admitting defeat and, well, i'm not so much completely sane.

i'm also not reading two of my favorite magazines, because i noticed they haven't been delivered in a while. and that, i thought to myself this morning, is probably because they're being delivered to me at work. at a company i'm not working for any more.

i'm not sure when i last paid any of my bills.

i'm not responding to about seven personal emails i desperately need to.

i am not doing laundry, either. (and i am not going to get into details here about WHY i am not doing laundry because it is enough at this juncture to simply say i have serious laundry issues to the extent that that's probably an entry of its own. and doesn't THAT sound riveting...)

i'm not going to the gym this week. i mean, i have actually been pretty good about going, but i am not going this week because the gym is full of scary, evil germs that are in better shape than i am.

and finally, since i'm pretty sure i'm also not being very interesting, i am not going to write any more. i am going to take a very steamy shower and try and get some rest and hope that tomorrow will not be as...uh..."busy."

*please do not try and give me advice on behavior modification for cats because shutup.


  1. no behavior modification tips, but try Feliway. It's ridiculously expensive but for some unknown reason, it works for cats that pee by doors. I've got one of those cat monsters myself and it was the only thing that helped.

  2. when you say non-boyfriend, what precisely do you mean?

  3. I just have one word of advice re laundry... Febreze Now before anyone brings up chemicals v. natural etc. I know but I'm just saying desperate situations sometimes require desperate measures.

  4. Is it herding cats or trying to stuff them into a toliet? :)

  5. Hmm. What you need is a lamely funny cat-herding video.


  6. This may seem like the dumbest suggestion and not in the way of behavior modification… maybe the cat has a urinary tract infection? I’ve known a lot of people that had similar problems and that’s what it ended up being. Just saying. Hope you feel better soon sweets.

  7. Does your cat have a little place he/she likes to hang out? A little cat bed or something? If so.....pee on it.

  8. This is to the other IIF's, K., so don't look, okay?

    [Did this post appear twice on everybody's computer and are we not saying anything about it because we love her and we don't want her to lose what she has left of her shall-we-call-it "composure?"]

    Okay, Kristy, you can look now. Hilarious, as always, sudafed notwithstanding. Take care of yourself.

  9. I don't have any cat suggestions. I have never even posted a comment here before, but I wanted to tell you that I read your blog everyday, and even now when you are feeling tough, your wit makes me smile. :)

    You're a champ. I hope you feel better soon.

  10. Hey Changeseeker, nope. It only appears once here. And I wouldn't dare suggest behaviour mod for cats, because let's face it, we train dogs and cats train us.

    HOWEVER, to remove the nasty stink, try a product called Diaper Pure. Yes, it's meant for baby diapers. Mix it with water, pour it on the spot and soak it up. Fresh as a daisy.

  11. for the mp3 player...have you tried different earphones or plugging it into speakers to test? maybe it's just the earphones that are brokeass. Just a thought.

  12. *please do not try and give me advice on behavior modification for cats because shutup.

    Hey K ...

    Need some advice on behavior modification for cats?


  13. as for the cat thing, thanks for the suggestions on cleaners -- i'm always looking for new options.

    as for the behavior, peeing outside the litter box is something Monster has done since he was a kitten. this isn't new, it's just been localized.

    he has a thing about doorways. i suspect he wants to be able to go through them, and is "pissed" that he can't.

  14. (yes, i have tried several different headphones with the mp3 player.)

  15. um...kristy dont look (seeing it here x2).

  16. At least you're not living in Philadelphia.

  17. Has Monster been left alone with your little pink broken mp3 player? Maybe the two are related.

  18. Thanks for making me feel better about my non-orderly, non-laundry-doing, non-going-to-the-gym-three-times-a-week-like-I-said-I-would, cleaning-up-doggy-diarrhea life. It’s good to know I’m not alone. Feel better soon! Death to smelly cat pee.

  19. By the doorway isn't so bad, mine has taken to the kitchen counter. oh yes, because THAT is sanitary.

  20. Coincidence? I have a cat nicknamed "Monster" because I refused to actually name him that. He's too sweet to be a real monster, so the full name is "Gangsta of Love". http://www.flickr.com/photos/saveena/13367080/in/set-478797/

    I'm not going to offer ANY advice on behavior modification for felines. I've had many cats and never modified any behavior. What I will say is that Anti Icky Poo is one of the best products I have found for eliminating cat urine odors!! Check it out: http://www.antiickypoo.com/ And yes, it works in litter boxes too!

    ~ Lisa

  21. First of all..to badtiming..I also had a cat that peed on the kitchen counter AND the stove..talk about not making you want to cook! I think he was intimidated by the other two cats in the house so...

    And to Kristi..because of course all us IIF's would not be posting together...are you putting Vick's on your chest at night? You must! My mother says so!

  22. Kristy, don't feel too bad about the cat situation. I had a cat who, due to a flea allergy, developed EXPLOSIVE diarrhea. Which scared her. Which made her run like a bat out of hell. With diarrhea positively SHOOTING out of her little kitty ass.

    Try cleaning THAT up when you come home from work.

    Many blessings on you and your kitty situation and your health.


    Another SF Kristy

  23. Hi k, been searching the web, and came accross your site. Looking at latest info on cleaning cat urine. this post, maybe not the perfect match-but intresting read anyway.. off to look for cleaning cat urine...

  24. Super Cat Urine cleaner (eBook)provides information about how to use the litter box to stop your cat from urinating in unwanted areas. It also offers products and advise to eliminate cat urine stains and odors from all kinds of surfaces.


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