eSit-Down With The Knitting Mafia

i received an email today threatening to remove me from one of the
knitting blog rings if i failed to post more knitting-related entries.

this is not what it said*.


you call yourself a knitter?

you do one hat in the round and make your friend a scarf and that's all you have to show for yourself for an entire freaking summer?

didn't you start a poncho like, last year?

weren't you going to have KnitterStacy teach you how to make a sweater?

don't you have a nephew who'd look SO CUTE in about nine hundred million different things you could ACTUALLY knit and (probably) not screw up?

how many scarves are you working on at this very moment?

uh huh. three. is that supposed to impress me? did you or did you not start one of those in june?

that's what i thought.

and um, didn't you get a camera for your birthday? wasn't that supposed to inspire you to take more photos of your knitting projects? yeah, good job with that.

look. it's okay. i'm sounding harsh. but kristy, i think you should realize that knitting's not for everyone. i know you have the best intentions, but have you seen your ex-boss's blog lately? or her friend's -- you know, the one who tagged you** and who started knitting a few hours ago and who has already created her own patterns? uh huh. visited purl much recently?

you have to understand, kristy, that we really are a family in this knitting stratum of the blogosphere. and i'm not really saying that your sisters are more valuable than you. but frankly, we're a little concerned. because to be a respected member of this family, kristy, we have to ask that you...produce.

and i think we both know you are not producing.

so where does this leave us?

i am not saying that you are no longer welcome in our family, kristy. i am just hoping that we can find some mutually agreeable solution. do you think that might be possible?

because i'd hate to see know...leave us.

so why don't you think about it, hmm? maybe take some time over lunch, use that yarn in your bag to work on that checkerboard scarf you claim to have started. and uh, if you should want to photograph that work and go ahead and post those photos, well, i cannot say i'd be disappointed.


okay. i'm glad we had this little chat.

you have a good day.

*but it was TOTALLY implied. i swear.

**i'll get to that soon, promise.


  1. man. that's intense.

    i started a scarf last winter and...uh...well it's going to be swell when i finish it. by this winter. riiiight.

    Maybe instead we could have a knitting ring for the "at least I own two matching knitting needles and vaguely know what knit and purl means" club.


  2. I knew you knitters had some weird mafia family thing going on... my friends who knit are always trying to get me to join... don't think so...
    Happy Friday!

  3. Hi Kristy... there's a shadow shawl pattern out there... try it with eros glitz and glace... you might just like the look? gorgeous. :) Fun knitting project, and you can dress it up or down.

  4. Holy Crap.

    If they start requiring tithes, ask if you want to take a personality test, or offer you any Kool-Aid ...

    Run. Just run.

  5. I totally belong in the "at least I own two matching knitting needles and vaguely know what knit and purl means" club. Except for the knowing what purl means thing. I crocheted a hat once. I totally made it up all by myself and it looked like a hat, see? That should count for something.

  6. Thank GOD, Kristy! This post showed up just in the nick of time! I mean, REALLY, I've been jones-ing for DAYS for a new K-post. And I'm not even surprised that I think it's state of the art and hilarious even though it's about something I a)don't know anything about and b)don't normally care anything about either. You are the Queen, K. NOW I can go to bed.

  7. It's too hot for a scarf in Philly right now anyway.

    Love, M

  8. Maybe it's kind of like an KA intervention in reverse. You know, you haven't been indulging in this vice or been at any of the knitters' meetings for awhile, and haven't been working on one of your steps (blogging about it) so your sponsor is just checking up on you? Verification word - putting a "q" near a "g" next to another "q" is almost just mean on a Friday after happy hour.

  9. Well, the knitting mafia didn't even mention the blanket you made for Charlie! Baby blankets shoud be worth the same points as a sweater, right? I may have to throw down my sticks in protest, if they excommunicate you!

  10. P.S. Have you read CAP lately? Bless her heart, she's not very knitty happy right now!

  11. I started a scarf about 2 years ago...Then my fiance saw it and asked me what it was with a funny face...Why haven't I finished it? It's his fault ;)

  12. Wow, that really does sound like family...

    Any idea who your Stitch Stalker is? Thank Jebus that someone is keeping the knitting community safe from dilettantes, wannabees and people who have other things going on in their lives....nothing like having your own personal reminder of the things you start and have yet to complete.

    Sorry, it just sort of struck me as, well, a little mean.

  13. linked to me! You rock, Kristy. Ps, I totally suck at knitting compared to KnittingStacy who apparently is gifted. Whatever.

  14. Oh my god this made me laugh so hard. I keep expecting the knitting mafia to show up at my door as well. Especially the California Knit Bloggers mafia, now that I've moved out of CA and up to Alaska. (Maybe they'll let me stay as long as I remain Californian at heart...?)


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