Just Your Average Update

Tomorrow I will be officially 38 weeks.

Last week, my doctor decided I needed to get the baby weighed (via ultrasound) because my measurements were a little conflicted. The external measurement -- which, btw, seems very un-scientific to me, seeing as it's just a tape measure on the belly -- suggested I/the baby was a bit big or could be early. The previous ultrasound, however, suggested she was perhaps behind schedule.

I love so much how there's a four week window.

What we learned as a result of last week's ultrasound is that, as of last Friday, she weighed about six-and-a-half pounds. Which would put her on track to be exactly average sized at her due date: about seven-and-a-half pounds on June 25.

But there was a but.

Oh, she's in a great position and has good fluid and the placenta is where it should be and all that stuff is fine.

My cervix, however, shows absolutely no signs of wanting to be birth-ready. It's a great cervix for keeping a baby in, apparently. Not so much for letting baby out.

Will this be an issue? Who's to say? The doctor gave us tips for how to help the cervix along, and to be honest with you, I don't know which of the three suggestions sounds most uncomfortable. I guess in the meantime, I will try and will my cervix to chill out.

In the grand scheme of things, I don't care when or how the baby is born as long as she's healthy. That's the official story.

The unofficial story is that I am really, really tired. Not just physically -- although I am, and my body's new "let's wake mommy up in the middle of the night and not let her back to sleep just to prepare her for having a newborn" thing is SO FUN -- but emotionally. I feel like I've been doing nothing but preparing myself, my head, my heart, my home for this child. I can't get more ready without crossing over into Crazy.

Crazy. Like, practicing how to wrap the baby sling properly and then actively considering using a cat as a substitute baby. (I came dangerously close to trying this.) Like, having a total meltdown at the idea of mis-organizing the onesies and burp cloths, resulting in a tear-soaked email to my friends asking BUT WHERE DO THEY ALL GOOOOOO? Like, ordering JUST ONE MORE THING that we probably don't even need and won't remember getting from some online store, just to feel like I'm doing something productive.

Like, having every single thing that comes out of my mouth (or blog) be about how pregnant I am.

I need to stop this madness, before I say TO HELL WITH IT and crack open the bottle of Hendrick's in the freezer and help myself to a martini or seven. Let it be noted: it is really a flaw in nature that ingesting gin is not one of the preferred methods for ripening one's cervix.


  1. I can't say this stridently enough: DO NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR CERVIX.

    True story: at my last doctor's appointment with my son, they did a cervical exam (which is a lot like having your tonsils scratched, from below, if you haven't had the good fortune to have one of those yet), and told me that my cervix was closed and long. It was not good news. I was scheduled to be induced two days later.

    Not half an hour later, my water broke while I was walking through Sears (which was every bit as awful as it sounds, by the by.)

    An hour after that, I was having contractions every two minutes and was one centimeter dilated.

    Your cervix is just full of surprises. In a good way.

  2. My last doctors appt was my due date and he told me that if I didn't deliver soon I might end up having a c-section because of the size of the baby. He asked me if I was walking and I looked at him like he had two heads--I was the size of an ELEPHANT. Of course I was not walking! He ordered me to so went home and plodded along on the treadmill at about .5 miles an hour for about 45 minutes. When my husband came home I told him what the doc said and he dragged me out to the mall and made me walk laps for another hour. I was woken up at 5:00 am the next morning with mild, early labor contractions.

    Long story short, don't worry. It will happen and most likely it will happen very quickly.

  3. don't you mean your cervic?

  4. To second (third?) what the above ladies said, my good friend visited the doctor last Thursday and found her cervix was clamped shut tight. She went into labor on Saturday.

    This leads me to wonder why they bother checking anyway. It's not like anyone ever gave birth to a 7-month-old.

  5. I like Kate's comment. Personally, I have all kinds of theories about how the medical people make up stuff they NEED to know about you just so they can poke you. (Yeah I might be on the other side of that crazy line).

    I'm sure it will be fine. And even for us non-preggos, its still funny to read about the all kinds of crazy and breezy elegance you have now.

    Perhaps you should prepare by ordering some post-preganancy drinks..like say a case of wine? I think BevMo delivers.

  6. Agree with everyone on the cervix issue. Labor starts differently for everyone, and having a closed cerix at 38 weeks does not mean you will never go into labor.

    And I'm sure you know ustrasound weight estimates are frequently off by +/- 2 lbs, so don't let the doc go talkin you into an unnecessary c-section based just on the baby's weight. As my midwife said, "Women have babies that are the right size for them."

    You will have the labor and birth that is right for your baby and body, no medical intervention is required.

  7. I have no baby advice, as I have none of my own. I would however recommend doing what you can to get that cervix ready & get that baby out asap. Having a bottle of Hendrick's in the 'fridge would motivate me!
    God bless you, woman, for even knowing about Hendrick's. & best of luck to you & Ish!

  8. Yeah, I wasn't looking ready at all at my 38 week checkup and yet the baby still managed to show up exactly on my due date two weeks later. Nothing to fret about there. Although they sure know how to make you feel like the baby might never come, don't they?

  9. I just came across the quote "there is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear."

    It made me think about how we as parents are made to feel we are not loving our children enough if we are not afraid enough. Car seats and the right detergent and those little things that go on the end of the tub faucet. We need More! Stuff!

    Or maybe we just need to relax and love our babies.

  10. Molly and the others are right. Your cervic (hah) is supposed to be slammed shut until it's open.

    My OB the other day was all, you're 37 weeks! Time to give birth! And I was all, fuck you dude, I was promised 40 weeks and I am TAKING THEM. I hate this implication that by the time you're a certain number of weeks along things "should" be "happening". Nice way to make people freak out, jerky.

    I am handling this stress by reorganizing the liquor cabinet in the order of "things I will drink first when I get home from the hospital". I suggest you do the same.

    p.s. you need burp cloths? Fuck, there's another thing I never thought of...

  11. What they all just said. She'll be born when she's ready and your body knows a WHOLE lot better than the doctors. That's why it's called "practicing" medicine.

    As for all the baby stuff, half of it you won't use and the other half will wind up stacked in laundry baskets and on the sofa's arm, so you might as well just leave it there now.

    Oh, and since I apparently have a lot to comment today, I used a bag of sugar with a grape fruit duct taped to it to practice my sling wrapping skills with. I wore it around the house and once answered the door with it's little grapefruit head poking out the top and then my neighbors started avoiding me. I highly recommend it.

  12. LOL! Great post(s) Kristy and great comment Miss Thystle! :)

  13. Maybe just a LITTLE gin wouldn't hurt...

  14. Just wait until your cervical plug falls out! I never saw one in my three pregnancies, but Dooce was sharing the other night about it.

    I agree with everyone and think Miss Thysle has the perfect solution to the sling thing.

    I wish you well and some sleep, too.

  15. Too funny! Don't stress and just let the baby and the cervix do what it wants. It's not until you PASS your due date that you need to start thinking about relaxation techniques (some soothing music maybe?) I'm 26 weeks today and have all of this still to look forward to!

    And I HOLLERED and HOOTED reading about the potential cat in a sling fiasco. Probably not a good idea if my cat still has his claws, eh?

  16. Hi! I've never commented here, but love reading your blog!

    I have three children. The first was born at 42 weeks, the second at 41.5 weeks and the third at 40 weeks. Unfortunately, I had to be induced for all three, but the good news is that they all arrived healthy. My third pregnancy I had a midwife and she recommended evening primrose oil to help thin out my cervix (you can get capsules at a health food store). Of course, ask your doctor first...my baby is 12 so times may have changed. My midwife also told me that the average gestational period is longer for caucasian woman, so maybe your cervix isn't "ready" for a reason. She will come when she is ready.

    My aunt, who has 14 kids, once told me that the baby doesn't read any of the books or listen to the doctor. I know you feel ready, but hang in there, I guarantee your baby is worth the wait!

  17. I like the idea about organizing your liquor cabinet to keep you busy and not thinking about the baby timer going off. Good luck and keep up the totally honest and funny entries.

  18. Oh, lord, I remember being so crazy impatient the last few days/weeks. My son went to 42 weeks and then we finally had a c-section. I am feeling for you right now. Hang in there.

  19. Whatever you do: DO NOT drink castor oil. I repeat: DO NOT DRINK CASTOR OIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It does not make the baby come. At ALL.


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