Meet Brandon

I am not entirely sure you're all aware of this, but I am a very amusing person.

I know this because as I've started hunting through my "drafts" folder on gmail, where (as I recently mentioned) I keep rough drafts of blog entries, I have found some fascinating things.

I would detail them for you, but I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise. Es. Surprises.

But I will include here one of the drafts that just never got very far. I don't really know where I was planning on using this quiz, or why I came up with it, or when I was going to expand on it, or what I would do with it once administered, but I am certain it had something to do with my visiting MySpace.

I am absolutely terrified of MySpace, have I mentioned? I DO NOT understand it and feel like a completely out-of-touch parent because of it.

Like when I tried to explain The Internet to my mom, back in 1993.

During my Christmas break of my freshman year of college, I went out and bought a modem for my parents' home computer (because I had just discovered the wonders of the internet myself).

I soon noticed that any time I was away from the computer, my mom would sneak into the computer room and turn off the modem, because she didn't want to rack up any extra charges on the phone bill.

"But Mom," I would say. "Simply having the modem turned on is not the same as having it connected to anything. The modem works like the phone. You don't go around unplugging the phone and turning it off just because no one's talking on it."

She would nod her head and agree with me and the next time I'd go to use the computer the modem would be off and I'd have to reboot it.

So fast forward 13 years.

"But MySpace works just like Friendster," they say to me, trying to get me to understand that MySpace isn't inherently evil or hard to understand. But the truth is, I totally didn't like or get Friendster, either. So there they are, trying to tell me the modem is just like the phone and I am my mom, nodding and then returning to my safe world of IM and blogs.

Wait, what was I talking about?

Oh, right.

So here are the first three questions from a quiz I was writing for no known reason:

1. The best Christmas movie ever made was:
A) A Christmas Story
B) That clay-mation Rudolph one
C) A Diva's Christmas Carol, the made-for VH1 special starring Vanessa Williams as Ebony Scrooge
D) This is a trick question. There is no way to distinguish the best from among It's A Wonderful Life, A Charlie Brown Christmas, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and Die Hard. Probably Die Hard, but I'm abstaining.

2. Which is the most gross?
A) finding toenail clippings that aren't yours

3. I am on MySpace to:
A) spy on people I never liked in the first place
B) appear more popular online than I am in person
C) insult every law of usability and web design EVER CREATED
D) insult every law of usability and web design ever created AND THEN ADD MUSIC

I still think this is funny, but also still have no idea why I wrote it or why I would bother coming up with more questions for it. Oh, well.

I bring all of this up, you know, because I went to MySpace this morning. A friend of mine had left me a comment, and I realized I hadn't been there in ages and so I dropped in, to do what I usually do when there. (Read: as little as possible.)

I added friends. I read comments. I checked to see how many birthdays of people I don't really know had passed. And then I read messages. One "message" from Caroline reminded me that Crazy Aunt Purl calls it "the MySpace."

And then I thought, Hey, I'm here. I should actually try and do something that qualifies as actually using MySpace. I should add Crazy Aunt Purl to my friends!

And then I wondered how.

I first went to the "Find" page and looked her up by her full name. I thought this was a pretty straight-forward thing to do. Easy, and logical.

I got back 21 hits. None of them were her. None of them were even close, actually.


But I decided to try one more approach before I left running and screaming from the site as I usually do, because I understand that the modem/phone thing and I'm only 31 and this should not be so damn bewildering, right?

So I used the "search" function, and searched for "Crazy Aunt Purl." A-ha! I thought. I bet THAT will work.

And I got one hit. One. And for a moment, I was happy.

But this guy?


Um, I'm sure this here Brandon may be many wonderful things, but a somewhat crazy, female blond knitter from the south?

He is not.


Tune in again next month when I try and upload video to YouTube.



  2. anon 9:15 - AWESOME! (except how is someone supposed to be able to find that, now. really.)

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. I am generally somewhat skilled at most things computer related, but my adventure with IM-ing last year taught me that you can never be too sure when you are interacting with people online....

  5. My Space, isn't that the place where 16 year old girls do nakid dances for their gym teachers on their webcam? LOL!

    (Sorry, Dateline NBC has totally ruined My Space for me)

  6. I found it by searching for her e-mail address that she has posted on her website.

  7. tyra - i will have to check that out. but it's too true...

    tex - see! what is GOING ON there? crazy!

    anon 9:57 - that's just fancy.

  8. I think you should start practicing your "Hey you kids! Keep that ball off my lawn!" voice...

  9. k, i totally get you. i also find that it takes FOREVER to do anything on myspace. their servers must have been made around the same time as your 1993 modem.
    i am myspace-free, but use it to spy on people that i never liked in the first place. you hit it right on the nose, there.

  10. OMYGOD! I feel the same way about Myspace. I hate it! I actually started my own Anti-myspace rant the other day, but haven't finished it yet!

  11. I do not get the myspace either. I'm on it, but I do not understand it. If someone wants to leave me a comment saying, "I miss you," "Had fun when we hung out," "You suck at life," etc., how come they can't just text it to me? And some people get freaking obsessed with it - there's one girl I know on there who sends out announcements 3 or 4 times a day. So annoying.

  12. I totally relate to the myspace thing. When I was first introduced to it, I thought it had an ugly layout and didn't think much about it until my friend who is on it, was all of a sudden contacted by a bunch of people from high school and they are ALL on it. 28 years old and on the myspace with the hot pink bling bling sparkle playboy bunny cursor and a background that blinds me. Yeah, you've grown up. And that was when i learned how to stalk on myspace. people i never liked in the firtst place because why do we always compare ourselves to people we dont really like?

  13. Ha! That picture goes well with Purl's post today! Maybe that IS her.

    I am not on the Myspace, either. I figure I spend enough time on the internets already.

    How do you spy, though? Do you have to be a member to spy?

  14. Dude, I can't handle the MySpace. The horrible usability and web design make my soul hurt.

    On the other hand, I love the YouTube.
    YouTube is SO much easier. The uploading is a lot like Flickr. It rocks.

  15. I'm very concerned about this YouTube video uploading you are threatening us with.


  16. ElG - i've just about got it down pat, but if i need help, i'll go to you. :)

    claire - there *IS* something to be said for discovering the miserably annoying and stupid people you knew in high school are STILL miserably annoying and stupid.

    NBJ - well, rest assured the MySpace isn't going anywhere anytime soon. you have plenty of time for finishing it...

    JR - i KNOW! what IS that? why "talk" to me there? is email and instant messaging AND text messaging not enough? i think it's become readily apparent that there are officially more means of messaging than there are messages. "wassup" does NOT qualify.

    julie - "bling," if used after the age of 25 in any way other than ironic (or tongue in cheek) is just inexplicable.

    jenny - NO! you can just go there and start looking people up. and if you find someone (say, by looking up your high school) then you can start looking at the people THEY know, and all of a sudden you find yourself on the page of your ex-boyfriend's 3-year-old step sister who has MAGICALLY become 19 in the 15 years that have elapsed since you've seen her. and then you will feel even older. but it's good fun anyway.

    HG - oh, well, good to know it's easy to use. my only concern is getting this VHS tape i have digitized in the first place.

    serre - fear not (at least, not yet anyway). first order of business? mortifying my sister.

  17. PS: I fail my own word verification at least half the time. Am I the only one?

  18. Sadly, no. Happens to me all the time.

    LOL--See??? Just happened again....

  19. I fail everybody's word verifications all the time. Takes me at least twice to get it done. Those gosh darn fancy letters...

  20. myspace is totally unreadable. i waste enough time reading blogs, i don't need another time sink. sigh.

  21. While the Myspace is the bane of my existence as a web designer. However, if you've been following along at my blog at all, you know that I recently found some old friends, including my first boyfriend there. It's fun to lurk around and find people I know and see what they are up to.

    Also, for some reason, people confess to things on myspace that they wouldn't dare in public. That makes it extra juicy.

    And yes, I fail the word verification probably 50% of the time.

  22. Well, unless Crazy Aunt Purl had some serious 'work' done...

  23. Kiki,
    I finally got a chance to sit down and read some of your blog. I must say that I've laughed and smiled at some of your stories. I'll be sure to enjoy some of the archives, I picture a lazy Sunday and a bottle of wine.......or two


  24. One "message" from Caroline reminded me that Crazy Aunt Purl calls it "the MySpace."

    Hey, that's me! : )

    And now I've started referring to it as "the MySpace," too.

  25. K, I don't get MySpace.

    I feel like the aforementioned old lady shouting at the neighbor kids. Additionally, I find the crap layout utterly offensive to my design sensibilities.

    Read this for a laugh:

  26. Tyra - it happened to me again, too.

    JR - fancy letters, they're a bitch. i just think it's so funny when i fail word verification ON MY OWN BLOG. whatevs. :)

    doris - that's what i hear, that it's a huge time sink...but *why*? what can you possibly do there all day?

    jester - i just heard that employers (and the like) now CHECK places like blogs (hi!) and MySpace to read up on candidates. scary, huh? makes sense, but still...

    NBR - i suppose it IS L.A.

    Kyle!!! i heart you! yay for finding your way here! everyone, say hi to kyle who is awesome and talented and is in musicals ON BROADWAY! talk about fancy! (kyle has the unfortunate role of being both my token famous friend and my token black friend. need to branch out a bit.)

    caroline - indeed, it is you. i think we should form a club of those of us who are bewildered by myspace and thus call it "the myspace." you know, the way Shrub referred to it as "the google."

    katey - thanks for the link!

  27. Shit, I got mad knitting skills. I'm Crazy Aunt Pearl, bitch!

  28. I agree. I would consider myself at least somewhat cyber savvy - but myspace is for teens so i steer clear of it! Also, I don't have space in my brain to learn another site right now. Until someone puts up a totally awesome knitting blog there, I'm not goin!


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