THAT IS NOT FUNNY!
How dare you "last-minute shopping" me ALREADY. It is still NOVEMBER. See? Up there? Where it says NOT EVEN THANKSGIVING YET on the calendar? Bitches.
What? What's that? Oh, ho. I DO NOT CARE if your special, we're-a-cooking-y-store-so-we-have-different-rules "last-minute shopping" refers to Thanksgiving. Some of us don't need added stress right now, you hear me?
In fact, SOME of us might enjoy this time of the holiday season THE MOST because it is the ONLY time during the whole damn season that even if we haven't bought a single thing we are STILL NOT BEHIND.
Do you understand?
Save your panic-inducing emails for NEXT MONTH, please. Or else the terrorists win.