The beginning? Probably.
I am prone to exaggerate sometimes. But when I wrote that I'd been spending this entire pregnancy eating sugary foods and starchy foods and starchy foods covered with sugar, I was not exaggerating. This isn't to say I haven't been eating any proteins or veggies, but carbs have been FRONT AND CENTER of just about every meal and snack I've eaten, especially since the holidays. And because I hardly ever allow myself "sweet" foods when I'm not pregnant, I'd forgotten: the more sugar I consume, the more I want.
Somehow, for no reason that is actually justifiable in any way, I decided to ignore EVERYTHING I know about nutrition --
CAN WE JUST REMIND OURSELVES THAT I KNOW A LIFETIME'S WORTH OF NUTRITION?on the idea that "it's okay because I'm pregnant."
Two giant desserts a day? Not a good idea.
But if we're going to start from the beginning, let's talk for a moment about my pregnancy with Eve.
I spent the entirety of my first pregnancy, as so many women do, absolutely freaked out about everything. I went into the pregnancy terrified it wouldn't take. I also went into it terrified because I was significantly overweight and, despite being completely healthy otherwise, the books/guides/ internet seemed to suggest that I was doomed. DOOMED. I was going to have Gestational Diabetes and high blood pressure and preeclampsia and be miserable and everything was going to suck and be horrible.
It wasn't until after I gave birth that I got mad about that. Because my first pregnancy was the kind of pregnancy every woman wants. It was smooth, and healthy, and happy. And by all accounts? Easy. It turns out that sometimes, being overweight does not HAVE to mean that your body doesn't work right. It doesn't mean that you're a monster.
So! HAHA! I thought. I will NOT spend this second pregnancy terrified of everything! I thought. I will be CHILL. Especially because -- as I wrote about like 2 entries ago -- I started this pregnancy 30 pounds LIGHTER than I was the last time!
Um. But I really, really, really pushed it.
And so by my second GD test, my numbers were "elevated." Not terrifyingly high, but elevated. Enough to be in the Gestational Diabetes range.
The first thing I felt upon hearing the diagnosis: shame. Deep, aching shame. There is NO question as to how this came about. My body has gotten less efficient at processing sugar because I have absolutely overloaded it with pasta and waffles and Sour Patch Kids. I took being cavalier about sugar to an extreme.
So after the shock and shame and the perhaps somewhat irrational I HAVE RUINED OUR BABY I *AM* A MONSTER! crying jags, I had to face the reality of what GD actually is, and what I need to do to fix it.
I got a grasp on my diagnosis.
Hi, I am not a medical professional. Do not listen to me. But what I understand of GD is that it means your body has become less efficient about processing sugars. This can usually be rectified by adjusting your diet. GD ends when you give birth and the placenta (which is calling the shots while your pregnant) leaves your body. Aside from the fact that your pancreas has gotten a little "sluggish," it also means that the inefficiently processed sugars -- the ones that aren't leaving your body? -- are going to your baby. So, you're essentially overfeeding your baby. This can lead to oversized babies, which can lead to stressful birth situations. There is also a link between women having GD developing Type 2 Diabetes later in life, but that's correlative.
And THEN I got the message that I had to begin counseling sessions with a nutritionist.
And THEN? Then I got really mad.