Oh, And "Walk Like An Egyptian" Needs Its Own Entry

My BFF, Emily and I listened to Walk Like An Egyptian approximately 30 million times in the span of maybe two months (oh, sixth grade! How I miss you and your crimping iron!), and knew every single syllable to that song.


Well, except we didn't.

This morning, Ish and I were playing our "for the baby" playlist I received as a baby shower gift for Eve, and Emily had added Walk Like An Egyptian (because you must start the children YOUNG if they are to have a proper musical education).

Also I would like to point out that I am now blogging about EGYPT which makes me a relevant and socially conscious blogger.

Anyway.  As I was singing along I realized that I STILL sing about 50% of the song totally, completely, unmistakeably WRONG.

But before we get to my 11-year-old-self's lyrics to Walk Like An Egyptian, I need to be sure that a) you've read the comments in my last post, because they are pee-in-your-pants funny; b) you will read the additional lyrics people sent me on Twitter (below); and c) marvel in the fact that someone who commented on the last post actually WORKS WITH MY SISTER (the one who sings about boogers) but didn't know it.

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN*(Words in red are incorrect)

All the old paintings on the tomb
They do the san dance, on you know
[No, never occurred to me that it would be a "sand dance."]
If you move too quick (OH WAY OH)
They're falling down like a domino

[Also, hooray for the "OH WAY OH" parts because EVERYONE got those right.]

Oh the fizo man, by the Nile
[your guess is as good as mine]
They got your money, on your back
The crocodiles (OH WAY OH)
They snap their teeth on a cigarette

All the guys with the hookah pies say
[Yes, I sang hookah "pies" - it rhymed with "guys"] 
Walk like an Egyptian

The Bond waitresses take their trays
[First I thought it was "born" waitresses.
Then I moved on and decided it was Bond, as in James Bond girls. As waitresses.]
They spin around and they cross the floor
They got the moves (OH WAY OH)
You drop your drink then they bring you more

All the school kids so sick of books
They like the funk and the middle ben
[I didn't know what a middle ben was, either.]
When the buzzer rings (OH WAY OH)
They're walking like an Egyptian

All the kids in the marketplace say...

Slight feet hit the street, bend your back
Shift your rum, then you bullet pack
[Um? No.]
Like sardine oil (OH WAY OH) 
[Sardine oil??? My favorite line of the song, I think]
So strike a pose on a Cadillac 
[what's funny here is that I thought I was making THOSE words up!]

If you wanna find all the cops
They're hanging out in the donut shops
They sing and dance (OH WAY OH)
They spin the cocoons down the block
[Because that's what cops do, right? With their cocoons?]

All the Japanese with their Yen
The party boys called The Gremlin
[Oh, those partying Gremlins!]
And the Chinese know (OH WAY OH)
They walk along like Egyptians

All the cops in the donut shops say...
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Wow. I loved that song a LOT.

Here are some additional hilarious lyrics, brought to you from my friends on Twitter. Which is your favorite? I think "Go, go, Jason, Santa Claus!" might be mine.

Forgot to tell you the fave of my misunderstood lyrics: "Michelle, my belle. Sunday morning play piano song. Play piano song."

My friend Joanna thought "Smack yo bitch up" was "Snap your picture." Told her the real lyric and she said she liked hers better.
My friend thought the line in Biggie's "Hypnotize" was "I just love your Fascist ways." And she kept belting it out in the car.
I thought Rocket Man was "burning up a suit of herring bone"
"don't go chasin waterfalls" to my baby brother was "go go Jason, Santa Claus" for YEARS.
another friend thought "like a drifter I was born to walk alone" from Whitesnake's Here I Go Again (obvs) was "like a twister..."
a college roomie thought "There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do" from Toto's Africa was "a hundred men on Mars"
I thought "Round yon virgin" in Silent Night was "Round John Virgin."

I thought fine young cannibals sang "she drives me crazy & I cant pay half my bills."

my son thought "what about love" in the Swiffer commercials was "watermelon." I'm sure that's what Heart really meant.

I fucked up John Cougar's "Diane don't sound like all that much fun" into "Dying don't sound" (& thought well no shit!)

a friend of mine thought the line "drink up baby doll" in a song was "ching chong baby doll" and was confused by the racism

The one that always gets me is "I don't want to come back down from this clown" in the Bush song "Comedown." I figured there was some kind of carnival ride involved, like a ferris wheel.

I thought it was "Honest I See You," too!! Hand to god. I still sing it that way sometimes for nostalgic reasons.
"There's a bad moon on the rise" can easily be mistaken for "there's a bathroom on the right."

My boss used to sing "All we are is just in the wind" and "crazy for a shotglass man". :)
my friend in hs sang Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar on Me" as "1 + 2 is 3" he had no idea why I laughed so hard I fell of the couch.
does it count if this one time, an ex of mine wrote me a break-up note using lines from a phil collins song?
As a kid, I thought Neil Diamond's "Forever in Blue Jeans" was actually "Reverend Blue Jeans".

My cousin and I used to sing "Trashy wants my wiiiiife" instead of "Try to see it once my wayyyy" in bush's "Everything Zen." To our credit, we were 14 and they were British.

Had a friend in high school who BELTED the lyrics "You're the Wizard of Oz, oooh, oooh, ooh" (You're the One That I Want)

In Billie Jean, thought it was "Be careful who you do bc a life becomes of you" I legit thought it was a profound msg for safe sex


  1. @hellohahanarf,

    But it IS 'Dyin' to me don't sound like all that much fun"! you were right!

  2. I used to think Total Eclipse of the Heart had this line: "We're livin' in a powder keg singin' Get up Spot!"

    And I remember a story in Seventeen from years ago that was about people's most humiliating moments. Some girl at an amusement park went into the make-your-own-video booth and did "Please Don't Go" ... only she thought it was "Freeze the Boat" and much to her chagrin, the video she'd just made had been playing for the crowd outside while she made it.


    We re-wrote Billy Jean to be a safer sex song when I was a peer helper in high school. :P

  3. I just...I just have so much to say, and I don't know where to start.

    A) I''m glad that I'm not the only one singing about the party boys calling the gremlin. I actually just went to look it up because I thought for SURE that's what they were saying.

    2) I, too, was certain that the lyric was "Like a twister I was born to walk alone." And consequently got made fun of by my BFF for it. Oh, who am I kidding? She still makes fun of me for it.

    III) In my 8-year-old mind, "She drives me crazy, and I can't pay half my bills" made complete sense: you're so head-over-heels in love but crazy exasperated with someone that it's so distracting you can't remember to pay your bills, and/or you don't have money to pay your bills because you're spending it all on your woman.

  4. I also thought that "I ain't no holla back girl" was "I ain't no Harlem black girl".


  5. I had a friend in high school that thought Depeche Mode's "Blasphemous Rumours" was "Well, I don't really have any plans for this room"

  6. For the longest time, I thought the Crooklyn Clan/Faith Evans song "Be Faithful" went:

    Gotta Stay in School, Walk the Plank

    When in reality it's:
    Fatman Scoop, Crooklyn Clan

    I totally sang the lyrics incorrectly in clubs for most of my college career, and even had a little walking the plank dance. Learning the real words explained A LOT about some of the looks I'd been getting while dancing.

  7. I used to sing "Country Roads, take me home, to the place, I belong... What's for Dinner? Mountain Momma...

    instead of the real lyrics:

    Country Roads, take me home, to the place, I belong...West Virigina, Mountain Momma..." (John Denver song)

  8. There is an Elvis Christmas Song "Santa bring my baby back to me" I thought it was "Santa and the Reindeer factory"

    Also The Beatles "Paperback Writer" I thought was "take a back right turn" I kid you not.

  9. SeatleStevie- Me too! That's hilarious!

  10. Forever I thought the song went:
    "Dirty jeans! Guys like chicks!" And I thought, "well, of course they do." Sigh. The really sad thing is that my husband JUST corrected me about a month ago.

  11. It is just occurring to me now that I *still* don't know the words to this song. And that your version is scarily close to mine. And also that I have no intention of correcting this through Google.

    My Egyptians will forever be doing the "sun dance" while the school kids "flunk in the middle bed," and "shift your rump, then you pull it back."

    And, if the party boys aren't calling it the Gremlin, wtf IS it??

    Too bad that crimper mysteriously disappeared a while back... I think E and A would have some fun with it.

  12. When I was 10 I thought Juice Newton's song "Loves Been a Little Bit hard on me" had the chorus "Love's been a humpty dumpty".


  13. Oh my, I am crying from laughing so hard!
    A friend of mine thought Amadeus was "hot potatoes". Rock me hot potatoes?
    I thought Smokey Robinson's "Second that Emotion" was "Set the Night in Motion". Aww yeah!


  14. A friend of mine sang "Sunday Bloody Sunday" as "someday baby someday".

  15. My best friend and I used to play Toni Braxton on repeat. There was a line in one of her songs, "surely I'd fall apart." Naturally, to my bestie, this was "sugar challah pie."

  16. Your version of "Walk Like an Egyptian" is very close to mine. It never occurred to me that I actually don't know the real words. Ha! And I have an old photo from my 9th or 10th birthday party of me and my friends walking like Egyptians in a circle around a "prize walk" game (like a cake walk). And we all have crimped hair. Awesome.


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