So, I'm still knocked up.
Not to rub it in your face, entire rest of the country, but Northern California has been quietly enjoying spectacularly gorgeous "winter" weather. And I will not complain about that. BUT. It messes with my head. Because I'm due in May and since I found out about this pregnancy last August I've been all "I will have a baby in the spring!" Which means that every day where it feels like spring makes me think I'm due. You know? Except it's the beginning of February. I have three more full months -- an entire third of my pregnancy -- to go.
That doesn't equate to "soon" at all.
Meanwhile, I look a good 8+ months pregnant.
Let me tell you: a lot of things happened to my body in my first pregnancy that are pretty common but not so awesome. One of them was that my stomach walls got stretched so thin that it kind of...herniated? I guess? And you can't really fix that? But it means that if I push out my stomach, it pops out like there's a baby's head there, even when I'm not pregnant.
Let me tell you how incredibly sexy THAT is. At least it's a good party trick.
(Note: according to doctors, I'm no supposed to worry about this unless it starts to really hurt suddenly, in which case that probably means that an organ has started to pop out from behind my stomach wall. OH OKAY. I WON'T WORRY, THEN.)
Anyway. Once I had an actual baby starting to take up space in my belly region again, my stomach walls just popped. So, yeah. 8 months pregnant. Except 6. I don't know how I can possibly get any bigger, but I am sure I'll get to find out and won't that be a fun game?
"Are you sure it's not twins?"
Sigh. Yes. I'm sure.
Oh, ALSO? The first pregnancy? My boobs didn't get any bigger. Everyone was like, "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN YOUR BOOBS GET BIGGER?" because they were already the size of my house and honestly, I was frightened for my family.
But instead, they just didn't get bigger. I guess they were already at maximum capacity.
Well, it turns out that EVERYTHING was at maximum capacity. During my first plus-sized pregnancy -- aside from my weight shifting and clothes fitting differently -- I never had to change the size of my clothes. My feet spread out a bit, but everything else I owned still fit me.
Then this time around, I started off my pregnancy 30 pounds lighter than last time. Yay! Right? Except you know where I'm going with this. That 30 pounds has made a huge difference in how pregnancy has been affecting me. I guess my body thinks I have 30 pounds of room to expand into. My boobs are slowly, steadily, unabashedly inflating. I do NOT fit into most of my "normal" clothes anymore, and certainly none of my "lost 30+ pounds" clothes.
Now my bras are barely fitting. My maternity clothes from last time around don't look right. Then last night, I had trouble zipping up my boots.
I mean, yes. I know I've been eating like a crazy pregnant woman. I know that cake isn't technically a food group. But I am offended (at whom? I don't know) that my BOOTS don't fit. It is a cruel, cruel joke that I had an easier pregnancy when I was more overweight.
I have heard from lots of people that the second pregnancy is usually more "more" because your body already kind of knows what to do. And it's been totally true for me. I started having cravings for sour/sugar (pineapple, lemonade, Sour Patch Kids) immediately. I had terribly vivid, wacky dreams right away. My pregnancy brain (ABSOLUTELY NOT SOMETHING I'M MAKING UP) kicked in by the first trimester. I could feel this little guy kicking me by 18 weeks, where it took me until week 24 to feel Eve.
I cry readily at everything, including -- most notably and most frequently -- made-up scenarios in which something bad has happened to Eve. MADE UP. I also keep myself up at night worried about the same things. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep because I kept scaring myself about Eve possibly drowning in our pool. THAT WE DON'T HAVE.
All of this is to say, well, I don't know what my point is. Other than I am very, very pregnant and I still have a million weeks to go and you don't happen to have a donut on you, do you?