Prom Picture Round-Up: Vote For Your Favoritest!

Prom, prom, prom. Everything about it is uncomfortable and silly and wonderful for so many reasons. The planning, the nine hundred million phone calls, the months of scouring teenage magazines for hair and makeup ideas. It's my personal belief that were it not for proms, curling irons would have gone the way of the crimp.

For no reason at all (it's not prom season, I don't know any teenagers, no one is even discussing prom), I asked you to send me your prom pictures. For the sole purpose of posting them here for us to laugh at.

Huh? What's that? Laugh with? With. Oh yes, laugh with.

Every single entry is special in its own way. I've categorized them just for fun, not for any official reason. I invite you to peruse, enjoy, and comment on your favoritest photo. (Of course, it can be your favorite for any reason: ridiculousness, attractiveness, amount of hair spray...it's up to you.)

Also, while I am adding "color" commentary, please do not take my comments personally. They are intended kindly and in good humor. Because seriously.

I'll leave the voting open through Valentine's Day. The winner of the most votes for favoritest will receive a $50 gift card from yours truly. One random entrant will receive a $25 gift card, also from me. Just because this is so much fun.

Thanks to all who entered.

And now I invite you to sit back, relax, get a cup of coffee, and enjoy!

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In the category of: FAMILY FIRST

I have also decided to kick this off with some photos of my sisters. Without their consent. Because if I'm going to dredge up photos and reminisce about our teen years, doing stuff to annoy my sisters seems perfectly fitting.

1. Wow! Look at Those SMILES!

This is my younger sister, Healy -- a freshman -- preparing to head to MY SENIOR PROM with one of my classmates who she may or may not have been dating. She was very secretive about the whole dating-Kevin/not-dating-Kevin thing. Can't imagine why -- look how happy and comfortable they both look!

No, no, no need to hold my hand or put your arm around me. Upper-arm bumping is plenty intimate, thanks.

2. Another Happy Couple!

A few years later, Healy went to a different prom at a different school with a different guy she also wouldn't admit to dating. I won't comment on that -- although I'd feel remiss if I didn't direct you to his website -- but my point is that these factors combine to make her wearing the same dress to a second prom okay.

3. Why They Don't Have Sofas in the Dressing Room

This is mostly a sweet picture, and I think my sister, Sam, looks gorgeous AND slim. But no one should ever take a picture of a woman in her prom dress while she's sitting.

Remember how much fun that was? Discovering that you could either breathe or ride in the limo, but not both? Nothing says elegant like turning blue in a rented-by-the-hour moving vehicle. Careful, the turns are tricky!

In the category of: GOING TO THE CHAPEL?

4. Always a Bridesmaid

I love this photo for two reasons.

#1 This is really a prom, not my sister's bff's wedding; and

#2 Not one but TWO of the guys here were gay-but-not-out yet.

Ah, high school. Such a magical time of hairspray and repression.

5. Cake Topper

Mendy writes: ...being that it's from 1988, there's a 4-bone hoop underneath it, and yes, that is a white lace overlay. I just wish I had a picture of the back. It was a spectacular mess of iridescent white ruffles. The 80s...they were not kind.

Oh, Mendy. It's okay...though it does look like someone took a giant-sized pastry bag and frosted the shit out of you and your wedding dress. And when they were putting the finishing touches on the cream-puff sleeves, they dripped some into your hair.

I mean this in the kindest way possible. I sincerely love that you have a Prom Scrunchie. That should count for something. And blaming the 80s is entirely appropriate. Blaming Princess Di would be even better.

RELATED: At this point I'm tempted to start a contest for Tackiest Prom Backdrop, except I don't know how we could ever pick a winner. They are all so bad. (Mine, which I'll post separately, are exceptional.)

6. Heeeeeere's...the Mother of the Bride?

Cathy writes: ...[this] is me at Junior Prom in Memphis in the 80's. Dig the entire bush of baby's breath in my hair that I totally kept in my hair for school the next day.

I think this is a beautiful dress (on a beautiful woman, clearly), but even for the 80s it's a bit...white? Sophisticated? Long?

My favorite part about this photo, though, is that both of these prom-goers are looking left and raising their arms in what looks to be a sweeping motion(?). Like game show hostesses about to display a lifetime supply of soup.

And the soup? Is making them miserable.

7. The Incredible Shrinking Prom-Bride

Kate writes: It's not really that hideous or tacky, though I really could have used a bra. And my god, the permed hair. I blame my mother.

While this prom picture is awesome in many, many ways, my favorite aspect of it is, well, the aspect of it. Most fake wood paneling I've seen is maybe 4" to 6" wide. These GIANT panels (set off by the lovely lily-pad green carpeting, I should add) make Kate look like she's the size of a leprechaun. Or a prom-bride-fairy.

A prom-bride-fairy with a perm.

7-and-3/4. Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

I am sorely remiss in posting this AWESOME contribution a little late (added 2/6 at about 9 p.m.) First of all, Willie/Bill is the only male who entered the contest, and he should be lauded for that alone. Secondofly, this photo is the kind that makes my entire insides happy.

The wallpaper alone would make this an outstanding entrant. Especially when you look closely...is that carpet blue?

Then there's the standard stuff...the date who looks like she's going to her wedding, her corsage which is notably larger than her breasts, Bill's bowtie that is -- quite noticeably -- larger than his face. It's all so good.

But it's the look in his eye paired with his suggestive lean that makes this photo great. And then? Then you read his email and it escalates into other-worldliness.

Bill/Willie writes: I was a virgin but hoping to get lucky (and sending out the wooden signals ...) I got nothing but a goodnight peck, so I went gay! Haven't looked back.

In the category of: BRUISED? NO, I'M JUST BLACK AND BLUE

8. Before There Was a Prius, There Was the 90s

Swistle writes: ...picture from 1990. We are, yes, UNDER A GIANT UMBRELLA. Also, my dress had sequins, PURPLE sequins, and a huge purple rose-like thing which emphasized my lack of problem going braless.

Swistle, I'm not arguing that the dress is purple, it just didn't photograph that way. Also, I am not clear as to whether the umbrella was because of rain or because the 80s were looming over you and your date like some great fashion challenge.

The hair bow is pretty spectacular. I especially like how you weren't committing to wearing your bangs down OR sprayed up, but sported the early 90s bangs-hybrid.

9. Violet! You're Turning Violet, Violet!

Paloma writes: In my quest to find the "perfect" dress for my Senior Prom I came up empty-handed. So I chose to have my Mom make my dress. I picked out the pattern, the material, and told her what parts to alter to my taste. Fourteen years later I can see that I looked like a giant blueberry.

Only a little.

Loooooooove the backdrop here. First you have the shimmery, mirrored floor (um, good thing you weren't wearing a short dress?). Then there's the inexplicable bunched-up gauze with fake flowers strewn about to resemble...I honestly have no idea what. A wedding cake? A snow bank? WHO'S TO SAY? But once you have mirrors and non-snow, I think it's only fitting that you add a pillar(?) and a giant starchy piece of fabric with glued-on stars, and then have it glow. Red.

10. It Was So Nice Of The Cullens To Let You Use Their Home for Photos, Part I

Megan writes: This is from 1986 and, from the dress to the date, it is 80s all the way.

I...the color...and the pinwheel...and the haircut...I mean, on both of you...it's...words... You kind of grabbed 1986 by the balls and said, "YES. I'M WITH YOU."

11. It Was So Nice Of The Cullens To Let You Use Their Home for Photos, Part II

This is Megan again, two years later (at Homecoming). She writes: This is 1988 and I am wearing the largest, widest shoulder pads ever created out of black velvet.

But the football team would have looked smashing in them.

12. Drama Queen

Liz writes: It was 1989, and if I remember correctly, I borrowed the hat from my drama teacher. What you can't see are the black masks on one ankle of my stockings. Don't worry, I saved that in my scrapbook, too.

Because with the hat.

Exhibit 12a:

Would it come as a surprise to you if I said that Liz is a director in her post-prom life? No?

In the category of: EVEN THE NORMAL PICTURES BRING A LITTLE BIT OF AWESOMENESS TO THE TABLE

13. Now That You're Graduating, Show Us Yer Tits!

Sahara writes: This photo is from Prom in spring of 1995, I was 16 (date was 17). Prom theme was "Mardi Gras" (show yer boobs and get smashed, what?). I was apparently going for the "luxe sofa" look, what with the black and white brocade. And fake pearls that didn't lie straight, but were all crooked and kinked. Rad.

There is really nothing wrong with Sahara's look here. I do enjoy that her date has been posed to suggest that he is very, very, very, very comfortable wearing a tux. What? I was just standing here in front of these giant multicolored masks like always.

But the Mardi Gras theme is what makes this picture precious. Absolutely nothing I know about Mardi Gras makes it an appropriate theme for a prom. I mean, is the rest of your life supposed to be like Lent? Or are you just supposed to flash your boobs, win some tacky beads, drink hurricanes the size of your geometry text book and then puke in the street? Because either way, Sahara and her date are not dressed for it.

14. Aw, You Know You Wish You'd Been Around for the 80s

AmyB and her date look adorable and while the backdrop leaves a lot to be desired (where are the stars? The strewn flowers?? The pillars???), I wouldn't have much to make fun of here.

Lucky for me, I don't have to.

AmyB writes: ...after dragging my poor, single mother around to a hundred stores, I finally convinced her to let me have my senior prom dress made. I totally designed the whole thing - a red, brocade halter style dress - which was a clear indicator that I did NOT have a future in design. Please allow me to point out my favorite parts of this (PROFESSIONAL!) photo: My dyeable shoes in complementary color; my nose, which I eventually grew into; my 'First Lady' circa 1965 hair-do; and my caterpillar friends, Hairy and Belafonte, both of whom can be seen hanging out above my googly eyes. Hey, at least my date was cute!

15. Is It Me, Or Are Teenagers Getting Younger Every Year?

Remember our lovely friend, Mother of the Bride above? Well, she's actually the mother of this prom-goer. Cathy writes: [picture is of] my daughter, Sarah's prom in Knoxville last year. Hard-headed teen REFUSED to wear a long dress.

Again, I'd be hard-pressed to point out any ridiculousness here -- although the date's hair is maybe just a few degrees TOO windswept -- but again, I'm rescued. Cathy adds: Her hair cost more than twice as much as the dress and shoes together.

It's tough being a girl.

16. White Shoes Don't, Actually, Go With Everything

This is quite a lovely photo of the contest entrant, SassyMonkey. She's the one in the center, looking stunning. If, you know, ever so slightly cold.

But I want to draw your attention to the lady in red. With the white shoes.

See, along with white dresses being verboten, my mother never allowed me to pair white shoes with colored dresses. She claimed that to do so would make me look like a Doublemint Twin. (I didn't know what this meant then, and I still don't. But it doesn't sound good.)

So a few years after my prom, when I was in college and not beholden to my mother's rules, I found myself invited to a Valentine's Day Ball at the US Naval Academy. I took myself shopping, and without my mother's input, bought myself a dress I thought looked smashing. (She hated it.) Of course, I can see now how incredibly ill-fitting a dress it was (was I wearing a bra, even?), but that's not even the point. The point is, I couldn't shake my mom's voice, telling me not to succumb to the allure of buying white shoes.

So I did NOT buy white shoes.

I bought white gloves.

(Do you hear that? It's me cringing, audibly.) (Also, I look about as happy as my sister in that first picture. Turns out? AWKWARD DOESN'T END WITH HIGH SCHOOL.)

17.

Alyssa writes: This was pretty much exactly five years ago. I love my dress but hate my hair! Seventeen magazine did it to me, not my fault.

Perhaps Seventeen magazine thought that if they encouraged teenagers to look like they'd taken a tumble between the sheets before prom, they'd be less likely to actually have sex afterward.

I'm just guessing here.

In the category of: SHINE, SHINE ON

18. U-wohn Day Yooer Een, Da Next Day Yooer Aut

Melissa here is just cute as a button. She and her date have the same amount of hair floof going on -- too much floof for these days, but rather controlled given that it was 1987 and bangs were known to escalate into the second layer of the atmosphere in such trying times.

But that dress? That is some shine. That is the kind of shine that gets your ass kicked off of Project Runway for even thinking about using. That is the kind of shine that if you're not careful, will be mistaken for one of the iridescent balloons adoring this prom backdrop.

Even better, though? I measured. And the Bow of Shine is bigger than Melissa's head INCLUDING her floofy hair. That gets extra points.

Ha, and speaking of extra points...

...I snagged this second photo of Melissa from her Facebook photos: Rotary phone with the twirly cord PRE-PROM, FTW!!!

"Why, yes, Mr. Floofy Hair, I AM ready, and I will outshine those balloons with the power of a thousand bows!...Uh-huh...uh-huh...wait, what do you mean 'What color is my dress'? I TOLD you it's pink-purple-blue-silver. Why would-- no, I don't understand. How exactly is a red cummerbund 'the same thing'? Uh-huh...no, absolutely not! I don't--[sigh]. Just be here in 20 minutes."

19. And He Melted

Melissa writes: This is my prom picture from 1988. I picked out a really cool black satin dress with spider web lace on the bottom, but my mother said black was not a prom-like colour. I got this -- yellow is close to black, right? Notice that the ruffle on one arm looks like it was added later? It was the result of a clothing malfunction from another formal dance at our school, when a young lady wore a strapless dress and "put her hands in the air and shook it like she don't care" and the cafeteria had a view of boobs. No strapless dresses at prom!

I don't want to seem biased in any way -- and I assure you I'm not -- but I love this prom picture a lot. A LOT A LOT. The shiny AND lace is everything a prom should be, and yet it's only the tip of the iceberg. Even with the matching? non-matching? shoes.

Because if anything cracks me up about formal affairs it's how the affair-goers are inevitably surrounded by those who are not attending. So you have all these super fancy-dressed people milling around -- always -- by people in street clothes. And (personally) I always think this makes the ridiculousness of it all the more pronounced.

The people behind Melissa are going to a backyard barbecue? The grocery store? IS THAT MAN (the one to the right of Melissa in the photo, wearing white socks and black sneakers and pegged(?) pants) SHIRTLESS???

But even aside from the color-- excuse me, this is Nova Scotia -- colourful people behind you guys, well.

Melissa, your hair. It is high. It is reaching toward the Sun. It is Icarus-like. What's better is that your date SHARES in your hair's aspirations. In fact, you could almost Photoshop your hair onto his head OR VICE VERSA and it would work! That's FANTASTIC. I mean, some couples share limo rides, share dances, share special moments at prom, but only the very special could share Photoshopped hair.

Um, and I am no whiz at Photoshop (it scares me), but I can clunk around Microsoft Word (yes, I said Word) like a word processing fool, and so here is what I was able to produce. Behold!:

I would not call this photo editing job well done, but you get the idea.

Anyway, as with the shiny Melissa above you, I love very much that your date somehow decided to "match" you by wearing a color entirely different from yours. "Gold" is not "silver." Not even in high school. Not even to Icarus.

20. a² + b² = c²

Sara has a lot to say about this very special prom look, and I think the least we can do is let her explain any of this: ...[this photo] was taken in my mom's kitchen, but I can't find my pic with the lucky dude. Also, we had proms in junior high so this is from 7th grade (around 1991 I think) as you can tell by my lack of boobs (ha! I thought I was fat then). We had these faux sororities/debutant clubs...I think it shows some pretty '90s awesome - baby pink, silver lace, sheer gloves, big puffy sleeves, matching Claire's accessories. Plus the big purple glasses. I wish you could see my dyed-to-match shoes.

There are many things that make this photo special. The shine, the bows, the lace, the gloves (good lord, the gloves). But I think for me it's the action above the neck that I love the most. The pouffy hair fashioned into a 'do that makes the whole head look like a giant triangle, made all the more pronounced by giant (purple, you say?) glasses...that's just perfect. In fact, it kind of makes the triangularity of the whole look more pronounced. Like um...

Like so.

In the category of: NOTHING ABOUT THIS MAKES SENSE

21. Anything Except Print In Color

Okay, so here is what Gina told me: the girl in the picture [bottom right] isn't me, it's my next door neighbor. The year I graduated (1997) I was first on the waiting list (!!!) to borrow this dress, and wear it I did - belee'dat. Unfortunately, every single picture of me wearing the dress was ruined when my mom's house flooded years ago. I scanned this from my friend's yearbook since I felt it was too splendid a frock to be left out of this contest, seeing as THE WHOLE DAMN TOP OF IT LOOKS LIKE A COFFEE TABLE DOILY. In case you're wondering, the rest of it was eggplant-colored and made of crushed velvet.

And so while I do believe that Gina's wait-listed grandmother's tablecloth dress embodies everything this contest about, that barely warrants a mention among this AMAZING YEARBOOK SPREAD. Perhaps it's because it's from Canada(?), but I don't understand a single thing about it.

Why four pictures? Why THESE four? Why "We Can Do Anything"? What does that even mean, and what does that have to do with sitting in front of a fake moon? Why are three of the women wearing dresses inspired by table settings? Why does the couple in the lower left look like they're from a different decade entirely? Why does the man in the top right look old enough to be everyone's father? (Everyone's very ANGRY father, I might add.)

I am guessing this is meant to be inspirational, but let's be honest. This is an inspire FAIL.

Unless WE CAN DO ANYTHING is referring to the people who put the yearbook together.

In the Category of: WE GOT BETTER WITH AGE

22. Lady

Laurie is one of my favorite people in the blogosphere. She's one of those people who is a writer first, which is all too rare around these parts. She's also just sweet and funny and super smart AND super cute.

When she sent me this photo, the subject line said "Prom p0Rn" and her entire message read: He wore Stryper t-shirts and big old high tops most of the time. Fabulous.

And yes, it truly is fabulous. Nothing says Stryper fan like a girlfriend in a black lace overlay prom dress. With glasses. And curlicue bangs. To Hell With The Devil indeed.

For those of us still playing along in the subcategory of Tackiest Prom Backdrop, I submit this photo for consideration. This isn't just tacky -- although did the photographer want everyone to think you went to prom in the sky? -- it's kind of ghetto. Where are the stars? The flowers? The wedding themed accouterments? The Mardi Gras masks? There's no glowing red starched paper. There isn't even a goddamned balloon. Just you, the purple carpet, and the sky.

Oh, and a plant. Because nothing says "congratulations for graduating high school" like a plant shoved into the corner.

23. Prom on the Dairy Farm

Julie writes: Here is my prom photo, from 1987. I think the best descriptor would be "Poodle Cinderella." Or maybe "Bo Peep with a Perm." ...my date is Brian. Brian and I are still friends even though I made the poor guy wear a pink cummerbund. I posted the photo a while back on my blog here - all about my hair over the years.

Note that the white gloves look slightly less ridiculous when your date is in white.

Um, Julie? This is outstanding. I don't know what words could possibly make this more outstanding. I can't even identify what makes this so great. The hair on both of you? The slight flare in your date's pant legs? The pink? The white? The pink and white? The tans? The hair bow? The garden growing out of your left breast?

24. Like Something Off The Set Of "The Magic Garden"

Darling, long-time IIF Carolyn writes: Here I am in my my plain white polyester gown that I felt so HAWT in. I can't believe I went somewhere without a bra, ever. But back then, gravity hadn't been such a bitch to me yet. ;o) Year is 1978 - Copiah Academy in Gallman, Miss. The fellow is my then-boyfriend, Travis Lindenmuth, and it was his senior prom; I was a junior.

If you can be objective, Carolyn and Travis are a fine-looking couple. But it's really tough to be objective about 1978, what with its gifts of the curling iron and Aquanet, flowy-sheathy dresses, and bralessness.

Obviously, the swing is the best part of this photo. I don't know what Travis is angry about -- his unfortunate middle-part, perhaps? -- but he looks to be taking it out via death grip on the swing's rope.

Tackiest Backdrop might just have a winner here.

25. The Punch Was Actually Kool-Aid

Jennifer writes: This is in 1975, OH MY GOD, check out my date's HAIR. And he was in a brown tux with a ruffly shirt! Ahhh, memories. My dress is a homemade number, nothing sequiny, just *puffy.*

I had trouble categorizing this one. Obviously, Jennifer's dress (and presumably Jennifer herself) did get better with age, seeing as we have photographic evidence of that fact. But I would have otherwise put this in the Going to the Chapel category because it is very, very wedding-y. In fact, the more I look at this image, the more it looks like a sweet and innocent young Jennifer is about to be married off to a cult leader.

I hope wherever Mr. Cult Leader is now, he's got a photo of him from this era on display.

For further reference:

Jennifer adds: On the right is the same dress, altered to become a Halloween costume nearly 30 years later. I chopped the sleeves and neckline, added pink lace, a couple pillows at the hip, and some material left over from some old curtains, and voila... Marie Antoinette, complete with a guillotine slash on the neck and a piece of cake on a plate.

Let this be a lesson to you, ladies. It may take 30 years, but you will find a way to repurpose even the most embarrassing dresses in your closet.

In the category of: AND SOME SIMPLY COULDN'T GET ANY BETTER

26. Howling At The Moon

Amanda, God bless her, writes: Well, after receiving two emails this a.m. enjoining me to enter your contest, I'm succumbing to peer pressure (so 1989 of me).

This was my senior year prom, and year two of mullet-dress look (short in front, long in back.) Although as you can see, this number certainly had some party going on in the front too.

In judging my photo(s), I hope folks consider how the silhouette of my hair complemented the fanning silhouette of my dress, the entire context of the photo(s) -- Camaro, white van, Payless shoes, date's knock-off Ray Bans...

...mom's boyfriend's trucker hat (pre-Ashton Kutcher) [ed note: !!!!!!!!!!!], the Lee Press On Nails perfectly matching that pink and that devil-may-care look on my face. ( I knew my date had a fake ID). If you do decide to only use one, and use the one of me seated, please make sure folks know that's not my date.

The moment this email arrived in my inbox, I thanked the heavens for Al Gore. Because if he hadn't been born, he couldn't have invented the internet, without which I -- nay, all of us -- would have missed the opportunity to feast upon this glorious work of beauty.

Amanda. These photos could only be improved if they were set against a canvas of black velvet. And maybe not even then. This is...this is stupendous. It's basically the prom equivalent of the three wolves t-shirt.

And that is saying something.

27. I Hear Jersey Shore Needs A Sixth?

Kris, aka TheWino, aka the woman I introduced myself to at my first BlogHer Conference when I realized that she'd brought the three giant glasses of wine back from the bar all for herself, writes: I'm pretty sure both the dress and the face I'm making defy explanation. It was Jersey in 1991. Enough said.

When I received this email and LOLed all over the place, I immediately turned to Ish and said, "You need to see the prom picture of Kris, it's awesome!" So he did, but his reaction wasn't what I was expecting.

"It's not a very good picture," he said.

"What are you talking about? IT'S INCREDIBLE!"

"Well, it's funny, but there's all that white stuff in the way. Is that a table?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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And that, my dearest invisible internet friends, is the prom-dress round-up. These photos absolutely tickle me; I hope you've delighted in their glory as well.

But which is your favorite?