The Neglect-O-Bounce (Plus A Weight-Loss Update)

I'm sick.

I'm not a lot sick, but I have a cold and so does Eve, and I'm not sure who gave it to whom, and all this is to say OH GOODIE! Because now I can cross "using a bulb syringe to suck snot out of my baby's head" off my list of Awesome Things I Get To Do As A New Mom. (Other highlights of the list include wiping puke out of my cleavage and using a rectal thermometer to stimulate a poo.) I declared on Twitter that I believe this makes me my daughter's official Booger Concierge.

In case you're wondering? "Booger Concierge" is not in the index of What to Expect The First Year. This is why all parenting books are bullshit and I am going to have to write my own. (Sure, it will be brief, because I don't actually know anything, but I'm pretty sure a chapter called "Booger Concierge" practically writes itself.)

This morning I had to wake myself up out of a Nyquil-induced semi-coma, and it was no easy feat. I thought I was doing fine -- Ish had gone to work and Eve was bouncing madly in her jumperoo while Baby Einstein was tinkling on the TV. I was "supervising" and reading email and drinking coffee, trying to jump-start my brain. But, well. I guess I should blame it on my cold as opposed to my HORRIBLE PARENTING SKILLS, but one second Eve was happily bobbing along, and the next second I look up and find this:


* * * * * * * * * * * *


There. That's how I want to start this entry. Because you know what? Things are going fine. I don't feel starved, I haven't modified my diet so much that I hate everyone and everything and feel hungry all the time and can't wait for the "diet" part to be over (since, if I do this right, it will never actually be "over" just modified here and there to be an ongoing situation). But so the good news is that I'm sticking to this weird hybrid diet thing I have going on...

...but God. It's slow. SLOW. I know this is how it is. Especially when I'm NOT starving myself and NOT working out every day and all that. But man.

So here's how things are:

I started January 3. I kicked off this dietwhateverthing by basically cutting out carbs for two weeks. I guess you could consider it Atkins, but it's also Phase I of the South Beach Diet. (Though South Beach worries itself with how lean your proteins are and what percentage of skim your dairy is, and Atkins doesn't. Turns out, neither do I!) Also cutting out alcohol for the most part.

After two weeks, I was not feeling like I'd done enough (especially with a couple off-wagon meals), so I decided to continue for two more weeks.

And here we are.

After four weeks, I have lost 8 pounds.

Good News - Bad News
8 pounds is nothing to sneeze at and I'm not disappointed. 2 pounds a week is perfectly acceptable. HOWEVER, I'm a bit scared that it won't maintain this pace. Usually my first few weeks see more dramatic results, then they slow down. So I really hope that doesn't happen now. I had also kind of hoped that I'd drop 10 pounds in the first month, because that would be a nice, round number. Eh.

What I'm Eating Now
So here is my plan. If we have to call it something, I'm basically doing a modified South Beach Diet (Phase II). Mostly I'm just cutting out sugar, and the easiest way for me to monitor that is to watch my carb intake. I am also trying to eat entirely whole foods, too, but -- and this may come as a surprise to you -- I mostly already was. I am not a processed foods glutton by any means.

But I'm not counting anything. I'm not counting calories and I'm not really counting carbs -- I'm just trying to keep 'em low.

So again, here's my "plan" such as it is:
  • I am not eating carbs unless they are whole grains or have a low glycemic index thing, and only in small portions and only once a day (if at all).

  • I'm not overly concerned with eating only lean proteins. I will eat whatever proteins I want. If I want bacon, I will have bacon. Just not, you know, every day. If I want a handful of nuts, I'm not going to count them individually and only allow myself, say, 15. That sort of thing makes me crazy.

  • I'm likewise not worrying about only consuming skim dairy. I have found that whole dairy fills me up very quickly and leaves me satisfied for a long time. A lot of the (non-SBD) low-carb recipes use a ton of cream and milk and cheese and butter, so with those, I either don't make them or I eat them in very small portions.

  • I'm experimenting a lot with almond flour. It's almost carb-less, since it's just ground almonds, and is a great base for some interesting things. I've tried fried chicken, "pizza" crust, and crackers, and the results have been pretty good. Best thing EVER? Almond flour pancakes.

  • I'm also experimenting with different sweeteners. I use Splenda, but it kind of scares me and I don't want to consume too much of it. I have two different Stevia products I haven't tried yet. And then there's agave nectar. The jury seems to be out on whether agave is any better for us than sugar, so I'm not sure it's the way to go, but if I want a little natural sweetness and don't want to overload the GI, then I think a dash of agave is a good way to go.

  • I still take days/meals off here and there. This is key, I think, to saving my sanity -- having a particular date or meal in mind where I know I can eat what I want. Ideally these off-meals would take place once a month, or even once every two weeks. For now, they're event-specific. (For this reason, I am really looking forward to the Superbowl and Valentine's Day.)

  • I've cut out alcohol a lot. Red wine (in moderation) is okay on SBD, but that's because of its healthful properties, and not because it has fewer calories or less of an effect on blood sugar. So basically, I think the idea is: try not to drink at all. If you're going to drink, don't have anything that adds lots of calories (like non-diet soda or juice). After looking into it some, I actually think the best route is low-calorie beer.

  • Portion control is another big deal. I'm trying to eat more throughout the day, and avoid my usual trap of going too long between meals, then eating TONS for lunch and dinner.

And that's the exciting report. One month in, eight pounds down, one goal reached (i.e., holiday weight is gone).

This month's goal is to lose at least another eight pounds and to get into going to the gym again. My back is much better, so as soon as I beat this cold, I'm there.

Assuming that Eve won't spend the whole time demonstrating how well she's learned her new trick of Separation Anxiety. Oh, it's super-cute.

How are you guys doing?


  1. Funny blog. Well written. My grand daughter looks younger but does the same.

  2. She looks so cute! And at least she's comfortable.

    I've been eating well but for one day. I have lost 1.5 lbs. Stupid ass "weight loss".

  3. A friend of mine's daughter always fell asleep in the jumparoo. And two pounds a week is amazing; I'm so jealous!

  4. She's probably really comfortable sleeping that way instead of laying down where her head would get all stuffy again. Breathing is easier.

    And no, those books never tell you about the gross part of parenting. I was never a squeamish person but after raising a boy I don't bat an eye at anything gross looking, or smelling. You just tuck your head down and deal with it.

  5. That's great progress! And I couldn't agree more on the whole fat dairy. Skim dairy is highly processed, I avoid it.

  6. I have to tell you, in all sincerity, that if you wrote a book about your first year as a new mom I would totally read it. I've loved reading your blog about being a single-person having fun with their friends and drinking martinis, stuff that I can relate to! I, too, am getting to the marriage/kids point in my life and love reading your take on that as well, BECAUSE you've never done it before and are working so hard at being sane. There's plenty of information (good and bad) on what new mothers SHOULD do, but a personal take on what it's really like to live it would be awesome!

  7. We have that same jumperoo and my son fell asleep in it last weekend! And I would totally read a parenting book if you wrote one!

  8. I think 8 lbs in 4 weeks is great, especially if your are still sane and not starving!

  9. Today marks 4 weeks completed on Weight Watchers. I lost 8.2 lbs this month. Like you, I was a bit disappointed because I was shooting for 10. Especially since I lost 3 lbs each of the first 2 weeks. I'm doing okay on the program. I'm not feeling deprived or hungry. But...

    I really, REALLY want a glass of wine.


  10. I still want to eat your baby.

    And two pounds a week is fantastic! That'd be 104lbs in a year and then you'd weigh 56lbs and I'd be all DAMN IT KRISTY, eat a cheeseburger! Or a baby! And you'd be all, but don't I look exactly like Posh Spice? And then I'd steal Eve and run away and nom her little cheeks and you couldn't catch me because you can't run on toothpicks!

    If, at about week 6, you suddenly find the scale not moving, don't panic. Drink your water and eat a little more protein and you'll be back on the down hill slide in no time.

    Lastly, (I bet you're glad it's lastly because this is an entirely too long comment) I truly believe the key to a successful change of eating takes into account that some days, you just want cake. My gram hasn't weighed more than 140lbs EVER (she's 5'11") and when there's cake going by, she eats in. Same with wine. And that's how it should be.

  11. OK, I know I shouldn't judge my own weightloss journey based on someone else's, but dang it! 8 pounds? I've been eating way more veggies and fruit, cut out a ton of carbs, eating lean protein, falling off the wagon here and there, but mainly being good. Of course, I haven't seemed to cut out alcohol, but to counteract that, I've been pretty active. Even making myself sweat on a pretty regular basis at spin classes or on the elliptical, etc., etc. So why have I lost not one pound? Grrrr! Do I really have to cut out alcohol altogether to make this work, and if so, fuggedaboutit! Then I would be cranky and mean and it just ain't worth it.
    But ... well done!! 2 pounds a week is FANTASTIC! And your girl is a doll, even when she's asleep standing up (which is a mighty fine skill to learn at such a young age!).

  12. Your daughter is just precious. Bless her heart, you can tell by her expression that, even asleep, she just doesn't feel good. But I agree with other commenters that sleeping sitting up like that is probably the best thing for her right now. Maybe MOM needs one those contraptions! :)

    As for your weight loss, *I* (in my infinite wisdom!) think you are doing everything right. Two pounds a week, as any doctor will tell you, is the ideal amount to shoot for if you want lasting results. We all have WAAY too much experience with those "miracle" diets that take off 20 pounds in two weeks and then, four weeks later, Voila!, you've gained them all back plus a few more.

    If I may make a suggestion (which you probably already know, too), maybe you can change what you're calling your current "dietwhateverthing" to something more positive and affirming. "My new and improved lifestyle" or something. Words have amazing power - again, something you already know as a writer. And as you note so correctly, this is NOT something you are doing just for the short term. It is your life now - a wonderful, wonderful choice to be healthier and fitter, not just for yourself but for your lovely family, now and into the future.

    You go, girl!

  13. Congrats on the 8lb weight loss, and for the great plan you've set into motion. I lost 15lbs before my wedding in 2008 from doing just these things, and my husband lost about 25! It definitely felt like it took a while for the pounds to start coming off but all together, it really added up. Keep doing when you're doing - it's working!

    Annnnnd thanks for re-posting that pic of Eve. I WANT TO SMOOCH HER.

  14. Congrats on your weight loss!

    I've changed my eating habits as well (which is why I was actually able to lose weight during the holidays unlike everyone else). The main thing is cutting out take away/dining out. I don't count anything, not even pounds lost. I keep track of how my clothes fit and that's much more satisfying. 10 lbs every month and a half may not mean much in numbers, but buying new jeans a size down is extremely gratifying. (although I'm sad to say goodbye to my huge knockers.) I have also stopped eating past 10pm. (I'm up until 2-3am every night.) That's helped me be hungry when I wake up which is much better for my metabolism. I still eat what I enjoy, just smaller amounts.

  15. I know, I know, it can feel SO SLOW! I do that same thing another commenter does of multiplying it out to see how much it is a year. Unless that makes me think, "OMG a YEAR??" and then I back away from the multiplication.

  16. I'm so glad someone else wrote that about non-skim dairy products. I have been calling the way I eat "The Yogurt and Avocado Diet" as a joke, but it's true! When I eat full-fat healthy things (mostly whole milk or yogurt), I don't want to eat crap later and I lose weight.
    Also, I think that parenting book (the honest, funny one written by YOU) would be awesome.

  17. So I don't have to retype everything, here's a review of food I wrote back in December -- I'm still in love with the Gnu Bars and Fiber Gourmet Pasta.

    My new thing now is eating chia seeds -- it's supposed to control hunger, and have a bunch of other benefits for you. (Many ways to make it, including this jello like thing called "iskiate" or you can just mix it with soups.)

  18. Didn't post the link. I'm slow today...

  19. Congrats on the progress! You're right - - 8 pounds is nothing to be ashamed of!!

    I rejoined my Gym, and this week went back for a toning class . . . my first in almost 4 years. I am now one giant walking ball of pain . . . *ouch* . . . ever since I quit my Gym, I had still been working out 3-4 times a week in the College's Fitness Center, but it's not the same as being in a structured class environment. I have muscles aching that I had forgotten even existed! But, this will pass soon, and I will start seeing some results.

    Good luck with the rest of your journey! :)

  20. The official name for the bulb syringe you used to suck snot out of your baby's head is the Turkey Baster Booger Sucker. And she looks totally comfy to me. It's okay if they fall asleep in jumpy seats. it's only when they whack their heads and you grab the camera before checking whether they are still breathing that you are borderline I Need A Handbook.

    You're doing great on your diet.

  21. I'm happy for you.

  22. Write that parenting book. I'm pregnant with baby #3, and I'll gladly read it! "Booger Concierge" sounds waaaay more sophisticated than my official title, "Booger Snatcher." Which is what my toddler named both me and the bulb. It's a gross past-time, but in all honesty, if your child squirms nearly as much as my baby, it's totally gratifying to get a big ol' boogin outta the his nose. Like, almost picture-worthy. But only almost. I haven't gone that far yet.

    Congrats on the weight loss - 8 pounds is IDEAL! It's hard, period. But just like paying off debt, the rewards are much greater when it's done over a period of time, and there is less likelihood of putting the weight back on.

  23. Really glad to read this post today - I am so struggling - I did South Beach last year - lost 10 lbs (I don't have a lot to lose so this was great) but in Phase 2 & 3, it just seemed to come back - I was eating when hungry and working out, but i guess too many calories per day (?) and I was so over the whole prep thing (cutting, washing, chopping!) so I decided to try WW but that makes me crazy counting everything out - I much prefer your modified dietwhateverthingy because the minute I think I'm on a "diet", my food obsession kicks into high gear and I am always freakin hungry. Like now. I try to do something active every day but man, being hungry=no fun.
    And Booger Concierge may be the best thing I have ever heard. My son always says to me, "Mom! Stop trying to pick my nose!!" Old habits... ;)

  24. 2 pounds a week is GREAT, what the hell are you talking about? I'd be thrilled if I lost 8 pounds this month, and look at what I'm going through.

    Be glad, Kristy. Be glad. And write that Mommy book, that's an excellent idea.

  25. I love that picture so much.

    I went back to the gym this week and will work on the food next...all a head game with me but I have eight pounds to deal with from the time I got lazy again in the fall til now, then on my way back down to the goal I've set for this year (the number that makes me not hate pictures, my face not look unhealthily bloated and my knees not and vanity combined, I guess.) Slow is better definitely. I've done it both ways, multiple times, unfortunately, and I'm going for gradual and as long-lasting as I can, now.

    Funny, when I go back to the gym my wine consumption goes down. I just can't bear to suck down the calories again,plus my body doesn't want it as much it seems and when I'm working out hard I get more naturally tired. Don't seem to need the relaxing properties I find in red wine. Not too complicated, I know, I'm just slow sometimes. :)

    I still love wine though.

    Good luck. It's a difficult, at-times mind-numbing process.

  26. I haven't read everyone's comments but in my own experience, the slower the weight loss, the more likely it stays off. Which is a much happier experience in the long run than initial large weight loss numbers(that sneak back)

    So good job & keep at!

  27. I vote for the Howling at the Moon... priceless, the hair, the colors - her fun lovin' attitude! Totally Tubular!

  28. Ooopss... Erik got lost. I bet he was wondering what the hell a booger concierge is.

    Evryone has lost 8 pounds and I think I found 'em. I've had to take prednisone for a year nearly with some bitchin' medrol dosepaks that really help with the weight loss. Cripes..I think I'm going to be enormous soon. Oh well, if they don't love me like this then they didn't love me at all. Oops..that would be my entire family and it would suck to lose all of them.

  29. I have tried another way to lose
    weight. I tried adipex and it is
    really effective. i have lost lots
    of weight. I ordered it online from I highly
    recommend this, and this didn't require a prescription!


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