The Neglect-O-Bounce (Plus A Weight-Loss Update)

I'm sick.

I'm not a lot sick, but I have a cold and so does Eve, and I'm not sure who gave it to whom, and all this is to say OH GOODIE! Because now I can cross "using a bulb syringe to suck snot out of my baby's head" off my list of Awesome Things I Get To Do As A New Mom. (Other highlights of the list include wiping puke out of my cleavage and using a rectal thermometer to stimulate a poo.) I declared on Twitter that I believe this makes me my daughter's official Booger Concierge.

In case you're wondering? "Booger Concierge" is not in the index of What to Expect The First Year. This is why all parenting books are bullshit and I am going to have to write my own. (Sure, it will be brief, because I don't actually know anything, but I'm pretty sure a chapter called "Booger Concierge" practically writes itself.)

This morning I had to wake myself up out of a Nyquil-induced semi-coma, and it was no easy feat. I thought I was doing fine -- Ish had gone to work and Eve was bouncing madly in her jumperoo while Baby Einstein was tinkling on the TV. I was "supervising" and reading email and drinking coffee, trying to jump-start my brain. But, well. I guess I should blame it on my cold as opposed to my HORRIBLE PARENTING SKILLS, but one second Eve was happily bobbing along, and the next second I look up and find this:

Oops.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

LOSING WEIGHT IS A BITCH.

There. That's how I want to start this entry. Because you know what? Things are going fine. I don't feel starved, I haven't modified my diet so much that I hate everyone and everything and feel hungry all the time and can't wait for the "diet" part to be over (since, if I do this right, it will never actually be "over" just modified here and there to be an ongoing situation). But so the good news is that I'm sticking to this weird hybrid diet thing I have going on...

...but God. It's slow. SLOW. I know this is how it is. Especially when I'm NOT starving myself and NOT working out every day and all that. But man.

So here's how things are:

Background

I started January 3. I kicked off this dietwhateverthing by basically cutting out carbs for two weeks. I guess you could consider it Atkins, but it's also Phase I of the South Beach Diet. (Though South Beach worries itself with how lean your proteins are and what percentage of skim your dairy is, and Atkins doesn't. Turns out, neither do I!) Also cutting out alcohol for the most part.

After two weeks, I was not feeling like I'd done enough (especially with a couple off-wagon meals), so I decided to continue for two more weeks.

And here we are.

After four weeks, I have lost 8 pounds.

Good News - Bad News

8 pounds is nothing to sneeze at and I'm not disappointed. 2 pounds a week is perfectly acceptable. HOWEVER, I'm a bit scared that it won't maintain this pace. Usually my first few weeks see more dramatic results, then they slow down. So I really hope that doesn't happen now. I had also kind of hoped that I'd drop 10 pounds in the first month, because that would be a nice, round number. Eh.

What I'm Eating Now

So here is my plan. If we have to call it something, I'm basically doing a modified South Beach Diet (Phase II). Mostly I'm just cutting out sugar, and the easiest way for me to monitor that is to watch my carb intake. I am also trying to eat entirely whole foods, too, but -- and this may come as a surprise to you -- I mostly already was. I am not a processed foods glutton by any means.

But I'm not counting anything. I'm not counting calories and I'm not really counting carbs -- I'm just trying to keep 'em low.

So again, here's my "plan" such as it is:

• I am not eating carbs unless they are whole grains or have a low glycemic index thing, and only in small portions and only once a day (if at all).
  
  
• I'm not overly concerned with eating only lean proteins. I will eat whatever proteins I want. If I want bacon, I will have bacon. Just not, you know, every day. If I want a handful of nuts, I'm not going to count them individually and only allow myself, say, 15. That sort of thing makes me crazy.
  
  
• I'm likewise not worrying about only consuming skim dairy. I have found that whole dairy fills me up very quickly and leaves me satisfied for a long time. A lot of the (non-SBD) low-carb recipes use a ton of cream and milk and cheese and butter, so with those, I either don't make them or I eat them in very small portions.
  
  
• I'm experimenting a lot with almond flour. It's almost carb-less, since it's just ground almonds, and is a great base for some interesting things. I've tried fried chicken, "pizza" crust, and crackers, and the results have been pretty good. Best thing EVER? Almond flour pancakes.
  
  
• I'm also experimenting with different sweeteners. I use Splenda, but it kind of scares me and I don't want to consume too much of it. I have two different Stevia products I haven't tried yet. And then there's agave nectar. The jury seems to be out on whether agave is any better for us than sugar, so I'm not sure it's the way to go, but if I want a little natural sweetness and don't want to overload the GI, then I think a dash of agave is a good way to go.
  
  
• I still take days/meals off here and there. This is key, I think, to saving my sanity -- having a particular date or meal in mind where I know I can eat what I want. Ideally these off-meals would take place once a month, or even once every two weeks. For now, they're event-specific. (For this reason, I am really looking forward to the Superbowl and Valentine's Day.)
  
  
• I've cut out alcohol a lot. Red wine (in moderation) is okay on SBD, but that's because of its healthful properties, and not because it has fewer calories or less of an effect on blood sugar. So basically, I think the idea is: try not to drink at all. If you're going to drink, don't have anything that adds lots of calories (like non-diet soda or juice). After looking into it some, I actually think the best route is low-calorie beer.
  
  
• Portion control is another big deal. I'm trying to eat more throughout the day, and avoid my usual trap of going too long between meals, then eating TONS for lunch and dinner.

And that's the exciting report. One month in, eight pounds down, one goal reached (i.e., holiday weight is gone).

This month's goal is to lose at least another eight pounds and to get into going to the gym again. My back is much better, so as soon as I beat this cold, I'm there.

Assuming that Eve won't spend the whole time demonstrating how well she's learned her new trick of Separation Anxiety. Oh, it's super-cute.

How are you guys doing?