Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A New Generation of WTF?

Long before there was YouTube...

Long before there was "mommyblogging"...

Long before anyone had any idea that the internet would, someday, take it upon itself to immortalize the very worst that pop culture has ever produced...

...a group of women performed something called The Preggo Shuffle Rap.

Now.

Even just from the name of the, uh, "song" you should know you're in trouble. Nothing has been called the something "Shuffle" since 1983 when "The Curly Shuffle" came out. And that was really the last Shuffle we needed. I'm not sure American pop culture can sustain the weight of more than one satirical Shuffle. No. I am pretty sure 1983 closed the lid on Shuffles.

Meanwhile, no one has called anything the something "Rap" since, like, ever. (Unless I have scrubbed such a thing from my memory, which is possible, because it would have scarred me otherwise.) And let's be honest: If anything out there is called the something "Rap," it is going to suck the lifeblood right out of you. It will have been conceived and produced and performed by very white people with no rhythm who thought they were doing something "clever."

So! When you ADD the term "Shuffle" to "Rap" to describe a song, you have something of a Bermuda Triangle of pop culture horendousness. Ill-conceived does not begin to describe. You know there will be white, unrhythmic people performing something nearly unwatchable. You know there is going to be choreography. You know there is going to be a "rap." You know there is going to be fail.

And good Lord, we haven't even gotten to the "Preggo" part yet!

But wait.

It turns out that when you hide a pregnant lady shuffle-rap away, faaaaaaar away in a place time forgot, and then pull it out 20+ years later and put it on YouTube?

It's...it's mesmorizing.




I just don't even know where to begin. It's so awful and, I daresay, haunting.

The frizzy perms! The hairspray! The SUNGLASSES! The absence of rhythm! The "in unison" that sooooo isn't! The backwards-ish ballcaps! The LEOTARDS!

The lyrics are so unbelievably bad I don't even want to mention them, but "Number One Bug"?

Look. I KNOW that this was meant to be funny, because obviously the pregnant ladies in work-out gear do not really think that they can or should be rapping. Or shuffling. Or both. (Rapffling?) They know it's ridiculous.

But I don't think they know that it's THAT ridiculous.

Anyway, topping off this hauntingly catastrophic YouTube experience are the comments.

Because somewhere between the standard YouTube-teenaged-boy-misogyny comments and comments about M.I.A. (who linked to the video on her blog), there lie comments that I believe really capture the spirit of The Preggo Shuffle Rap Meets 2009.

Comments like these:


im sorry but this crap freaks me out....its SO WERID....WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS HAHA.



this has got to be from the 80's...people were doing all kinds of stupid shit during that time period.



Omg they rhymed bagel with kegel! Brilliant!


LOL white people!


Hormones.


And my absolute favorite:

WTF2.0?



(Thanks(?) are due to blogger/commenter LiLu (a self-proclaimed "South-i-fied Masshole") for sending this to me.)

19 comments:

  1. Just for fun I googled Shuffle Rap - and guess what popped up 'Truffle Shuffle Rap'. The best part - I watched it for 2 seconds, until I realized it was a 12 year old boy trying to be cool lip-synching and wiggling for the camera. You can not forget the best Rap Shuffle EVER... The Chicago bears Super Bowl Shuffle. Ladies & Gentlmen that is where is should have ended.

    JL

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  2. Pregnancy hormones do funny things to a girl, but.

    I'm with "OMG, they rhymed bagel with kegel. Brilliant!"

    Beyond that, either scarred or speechless, either way, beyond words.

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  3. I cannot stop laughing at this kristy. Seriously, hysterical.
    Unbelievable.

    Wow.

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  4. Yes, well - if you truly want to have nightmares for the rest of your life search You Tube for "Mormon Rap."

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  5. I thought full body leotards were wrong on skinny "normal" people - until I saw all the pregnant women in them! This is hilarious, and as a newly pregnant person myself, I'm totally putting it on facebook. :)

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  6. The leotards. THE LEOTARDS!

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  7. MMMMmm that's swell! Why didn't my pregnant friends and I do that?

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  8. Can you imagined if you were one of those ladies actually filmed doing Ruffle? My God, the horror!

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  9. Oh my. Just...oh my.

    I will say that there was one shuffle post 1983, which was the Superbowl Shuffle of the 1985 Chicago Bears. And I am proud to say that in a recreation of it at a pep rally in 1st grade, I played the part of Otis "Mama's Boy" Wilson.

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  10. You forgot about the "Cupid Shuffle"... Ithink it came out about 2 or 3 years ago :)

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  11. I KNEW you would appreciate that. It's horrifying and fascinating all at the same time, no?

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  12. Um. Okay. So I actually have the exercise video that has this little rap number in the middle of it.
    Someone gave it to me whent I was knocked up back in 2004.
    If you really want some good material, you should see the rest of the video. The rap scene is nothing--even a welcomed break if you will...

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  13. I was watching this while ManWomanBoogie was playing in the background, and it worked much better than I would have thought.

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  14. Further proof that having children will fry your brain.

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  15. this is...well, it's horrifying.

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  16. I am shocked into silence right now. Seriously, I will haunted by pregnant in skin-tight leotards forever. I'm tweeting your post right this second.

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  17. I was going to point out the shuffle to end all shuffles - The Chicago Bears Superbowl Shuffle - but I'm glad to see someone else already mentioned it.

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  18. Ha, I knew I had seen that video before, and it was in Lilu's blog. It's awful, just awful.

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