Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I Hate Going To The Doctor

Quite an announcement, yeah?

I could probably write three novels about this without even once coming up for air, but I'll save you from that. (You're welcome.) Here's what I think it all boils down to:

I never liked going to the doctor growing up because it's boring and uncomfortable. From the first time my pediatrician had a conversation with my mother in front of me about how large my breasts were for my age and don't worry if one grows at a different pace than the other, that's perfectly natural, I have felt like the doctor's office is the place to go to feel bad about yourself. I was only nine or ten then, and wanted to pretend I didn't have boobs at all. Hearing that not only would they continue to grow, but that one might outgrow the other made me fear for dear life. Because, sorry, there was no way I was going to leave the house with oversized, irregular breasts.

God, wasn't middle school the best?

Not a couple years later, the doctor's office is where I would go to be reminded that I needed to watch my weight. Nevermind that I had the hormones of a girl five+ years older than me. Doctors and nurses would look at my age and height and see that I weighed more than I "should" and tsk at me and discuss the merits of not eating sweets. It would have been nice if they'd also looked at my boobs, hips and ass, because that might explain a thing or two (or three). "Sweets" wasn't exactly the core problem.

I've just had a lot of doctors I haven't liked.

For this reason, along with my general life philosophy, by the time I became an adult, I'd developed a keen sense of how to fix any bodily ailment: ignore it till it goes away.

Oh, sure, maybe this isn't the most effective form of treatment. But I'll have you know that my "ignore it" approach is actually quite balanced out. Because while I'm busy not going to the doctor, I am also filled with a super keen sense of: whatever it is that's bothering me is probably huge and horrible and going to kill me.

I am afraid that if I go to the doctor, I will be diagnosed with something awful. That scratch on my leg? Probably ebola. Heartburn? Most certainly a heart attack. (I did force Ish to rush me to the hospital for that once. I can laugh at it now, but clearly I have issues.)

And to be fair, I have issues for a reason. Everyone thinks you're a hypochondriac until you get cancer.

Whoa, way to drop the bomb on this post, K.

Sorry, I know. But let's just say I'm not so much with the perspective.

My mother was a classic hypochondriac, if there is such a thing. She always had these mysterious issues and pains and fatigue and hormonal imbalances. (She also drank coffee all day long and smoked and drank.) Regardless, I don't think she ever got one single helpful diagnosis. I know they didn't take her very seriously when she started complaining of weird digestive issues, which turned out to be the tip of her cancer iceberg.

So when I hear myself complaining about random ailments and worrying about stupid stuff, I want you to say, "I'm sure it's nothing," and I want to believe you. But the truth is, that phrase has a pretty hollow ring to it given that my mom died of cancer at age 53 (followed four years later by my dad). In fact, I want nothing more than to believe it's nothing. I'm just... I will forever be haunted by the time it wasn't nothing, by the times it was something, something big and bad and ugly and worse that never went away. I'm scared to go to the doctor and have my own personal worst fears confirmed. Again.

Anyway.

I haven't been feeling "right" for a few months now, especially as "right" pertains to some of my girl parts, and I'm finally seeing someone about it. I have a doctor's appointment today with a new doctor. Just a "routine" check-up, just to see what's going on. (The nurse I spoke with to schedule the appointment said, and I quote, "That sounds like it could be nothing, or it could be something." Uh, yeah. Here's to hoping it's "nothing.")

But I'm finally opening up about my great, (somewhat) irrational fears here because I honestly don't know and want to hear from people outside my own head: Is this the kind of thing normal people do all the time? I mean, if something bothers you, do you just call the doctor, get checked out, and go about your life? Is that really how it works?

I can't even fathom that.

If something bothers me, I try to ignore it completely while my subconscious works on coming up with a list of all the devastating diagnoses I could end up with, I fret endlessly, I eventually mention my ailment/concerns to Ish, he reassures me, and it either goes away or I eventually, reluctantly and with great trepidation call a doctor.

So I get that I'm crazy, but I'm curious -- how does it work for you?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Update: Diagnosis? Normal, boring. Still need a few test results "just to rule some things out" but my new doctor says my lady parts are seem a-okay. (Well, except she didn't use the term "lady parts.")

46 comments:

  1. I get a persistent cough or a rash and then I check it out on WebMD. I manage to convince myself I have an incurable STD and worry incessantly for the next month while I wait for my results only to find out there is nothing wrong with me, but it's always the "what if??" that kills me.

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  2. Hi there,

    Firstly, all of your imaginary internet buddies are here routing for you and I'm sure that you know how strong positive karma can be.

    That said, you are not crazy, you are human and we all have our foibles! I personally try to self diagnose on the internet and then go present said diagnosis to the doctor - let's just say it is a good thing that I majored in French.

    I'll be thinking of you!
    E in Paris

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  3. I don't have insurance, so my process is: look up symptoms on WebMD, discover that it could be something serious and awful, tell myself that I can afford for it to be that so it must be nothing, ignore it and it goes away. Repeat. Worked every time so far, except for the UTI and holy hell, it was worth every penny of the three hundred fifty dollars I paid the urgent care to make that go away.

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  4. CAN'T afford for it to be that, I mean. Probably I should make some joke here about how I clearly can't afford new glasses or something. Anyway.

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  5. I am the type where I feel like I know my body well enough to know if something is serious or not.

    Sure sometimes I feel like my head will explode under pressure, my intestines are trying to strangle me from the inside out, or i'm going to literally cough out a lung... but I know really it's nothing serious.

    However, when I get something I just know isn't right (like an above poster said... that UTI was NOT fun. Also note: the 105 degree fever with labored breathing was not fun either), I call the doctor.

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  6. I hate doctors too, for similar weight-related reasons that you grew to hate them (pun not intended), but I"ve learned to turn off some of those fears in the past few years.

    I will, however, definitely agree with your "it's all fun and games until it's cancer" sentiments. My best friend died of cancer when we were 21. THe health center at her university kept telling her she had bronchitis / walking pneumonia until she started coughing up blood. And by that time, the cancer had moved to her lungs. SHe never really even had a shot at getting better.

    I'm sure that whatever is ailing you is easily fixed, but if it's been bothering you this long, it probably wont' go away without a bit of medical attention. If nothing else, it is worth it for the peace of mind.

    I am fastidious about my annual exam, a dentist appointment every 6 months... I don't go to the doc for things that go away in a week, but if it's longer than that, I"ll usually do some (super accurate) internet research before calling the doc. I also have 2 close girlfriends who are MDs, so I often consult them.


    Good luck!

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  7. I am also a Web MD aholic. but you know it never helps, it only makes me wonder if I have some really horrid disease.

    I tend to obsess silently like you do, until someone else notices or symptoms become so bad I can't function. I assume I have the worst possible thing Web MD comes up with and then never say a word to the doctor about my theories because I know they are stupid.

    Example: Last two weeks I had been feeling really strange, migraines, stomach issues etc. I blew it off as allergies, sinuses the usual. Then last week I got dizzy. Dizzy even while sitting down, and had shortness of breath. I had to leave work, I just moved to a new state, and have no doctor here yet. I was flying back home anyway so I went to see my old doctor. Anxiety, stress. Thats what it was!? he gave me a prescription for Valium which I have not filled. Knowing is half the battle, and I feel better already.

    I'd say 9 times out of 10 its nothing worth worrying about.
    Z

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  8. Even without your double whammy of nasty doctors and cancer-slashed perspective, you might be the kind of person who would fear, block, fret, and procrastinate anyway. It's exactly what I do. I'm not particularly normal either, but still...
    This apologetically anonymous commenter (it's fear and blocking that does it) hopes your doctor is kind and the diagnosis boring.

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  9. I am a total hypo! I go to the doctor all the time.I had a friend die from cancer at 22-so I am always on guard

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  10. We've totally had this discussion before, and I think it's normal (but then that's me). I don't think the internet helps AT ALL, either. I once thought I had lockjaw once (it was my tonsils) because I was googling jaw and ear pain instead of realizing it was my throat.

    I think it's like Hammy says -- we're in tune with how our bodies are supposed to feel. I was scared the first couple of times I had heartburn, and now I know what it is, so it's not as scary. But if something's really out of whack, then yeah. Both of my parents are health people so I'll ask them before I decide to go to the doctor.

    But I usually do ultimately bring it up to the doctor, usually during my yearly check-in if it's minor, or if I'm particularly concerned, I'll email and be like, "So... I've got this going on, and do you think I should come in?"

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  11. I pretty much skipped sex ed in school, so I learned everything out of a physiology/anatomy book. Scary as hell, do not recommend.

    So my standard procedure is to research the hell out of whatever I have, call my mom, and if it's something bad (I've had UTIs, a touch of HPV and a Bartholin's cyst (I am so done with stuff in my junk going wrong btw)) I go to the doc, tell them what's wrong (because I did do my homework damnit!) and get it fixed. And comfort myself by watching Outbreak and House and Grey's Anatomy, assured that I am much better off than anyone in those shows/movie.

    Also, you're going to be okay. And I will punch in the face anyone who says different. Mad IIF <3's.

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  12. As a cancer survivor, I know how hard it is to live in cancer's shadow. I operate under a constant but low-level of anxiety in my everyday, but when it comes to my health my anxiety can be off the charts.

    I have two modes: 1) I found a strange lump on my neck: I'm dying
    of lymphoma; and 2) this is minor I don't really need a doctor.

    I worry about a recurrence; worry because both my maternal grandmother and mother have had breast cancer that I will get it, too; worry if the extensive experimental chemotherapy and radiation that saved my life then will cause me to develop a secondary cancer now ... but I have also learned NOT to worry about the small things like colds, paper cuts, headaches, etc. because most of the time my health problems are minor.

    My point is that only YOU know your body well enough to know when it is best to see a doctor, and it seems like you are at that point right now. We all have different meters of what is serious and what is not. My cancer diagnosis made my meter particularly sensitive; I'm sure losing your parents to cancer turned up the volume on yours as well. Right now it's loud enough to tell you to go. So go. And make Ish hold your hand on the way there.

    I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

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  13. I hate the doctor. Ugh! Once a year is enough for me. And I do the same thing as you, wait to see if it goes away. Usually does. I don't go to WebMD simply because they say all the things to could be and I, as all humans, focus on the worst it can be.
    I hate the doctor so much that earlier this year when I had a sinus infection I went to the doctor my hubby was really really worried because I NEVER go unless its something bad. He on the other hand loves to go to the doctor and makes one of those relationship things with the Dr. Freak!

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  14. I take a combination approach. First, I check with Doctor Google, who usually tells me that I'm going to die of some rare, incurable illness which I promptly shrug off. Then, I wait a few days. If it's still bugging me, I head off to the doctor.

    Of course, I'm pregnant now, so I'm convinced that every little twitch or pang is something terribly wrong with the baby, so I'll be burning a hole in the path to my doctor's office.

    Really, I'm not sure there is a "normal" response, but if it's been bugging you for long enough to feel the need to have it looked at, then you should really trust your instinct. Besides, I'm sure it's nothing...

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  15. Well, I (like you) imagine every horrible thing it could be...but then I go to WebMD, see all the other things that I didn't even think of.. freak out..schedule a doctor appt (I love my doctor btw)... and then find out that it's nothing...at which point, I get aggrevated because I feel like nobody is taking me seriously...at which point I think, "they'll take me serious when I end up in the hospital dying from some rare disease..." SO.. that being said.. you're not alone :)

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  16. I am a mega-hypochondriac and have had appointments with more specialists than both of my 80 year old grandparents combined. I have diagnosed myself with anthrax, breast cancer, and herpes more times than I care to tell you. It's genetic, because I also have a mother who sat us down one evening when I was little to let us all know that she was suffering from retinal detachment and would soon be blind. It turned out there was nothing wrong.

    Everyone teases me for being so crazy about my health. But, just like you, I'm always worried about that one time. That one time when I should be worried and I won't be.

    Good for you for getting things checked out. The stress of not knowing was probably giving you an ulcer :)

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  17. I usually ignore...sometimes it works...sometimes not. I usually only end up going to the doctor if it's something that I have had before/recognize...sinus pain, coughing...but for weird rashes, random pains in my ankles, and chronic headaches...they'll go away, right??

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  18. mostly I ignore things. This is due to my mom being a nurse for umpteen years and diagnosing us herself. So I'm pretty good at diagnosing myself as a result.

    There are things however, which always warrant a doctor's visit ... blood coming out of places it shouldn't be ... persistence in the symptom (rash, cough, etc) ... high fever for 3+ days ... and, perhaps the most important ... if you are miserable, you should go.

    My girlfriend's father was having stomach problems and went to the doctor who told him he was fine. Went to the ER months later because STOMACH PROBLEMS and found out he had stage 4 stomach cancer. Died in 3 weeks. Someone dropped the ball on that one ... but there are some forms of cancer that just aren't able to be diagnosed until too late.

    I'm hoping your lady parts are OK.

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  19. I'm going to be boring here. Yes, if I think there's something wrong I just call the doctor, get it checked out, and get on with my life.

    That having been said, I had a FANTASTIC doctor growing up who so never ever made the doctor's office seem scary - I think that set me up a lot differently from you.

    In addition, I have only once been seriously worried that there was something very wrong with me, and I was only a tiny bit worried. If I thought there might be something very serious wrong, I might be more nervous about going to the doctor. But I feel sure I would still go, and not put it off.

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  20. I just suck it up and go to the doc. I have good insurance and that's what they are there for.

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  21. I'm like you. I hate going to the doctor and I put it off until my fiance forces me to go.

    My mom died when she was 47 (she got sick when I was 5) so I think I associate doctors with bad news.

    So, either we're both freaks or we're both reacting to our experiences with doctors and illness. At least in my case, it's probably a combination of the 2. :)

    Glad to hear everything's a-okay.

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  22. The docotr CAN be scary. But think how much better you'll feel knowing the truth and not constantly agonizing. Good luck!

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  23. I think it's natural to have a sniffle and think "Oh my god, what if I have nose cancer?" Our minds naturally want to extrapolate things as far as possible. I had my own run in with the doctors (and Firemen and EMTs) last night when I won my very own Darwin award. To wit:

    In what has to be one of the dumbest moves of the century, I managed to get of ALL things sulfuric acid in my eye last night. It was a professional grade drain cleaner. Don't ask for too many details. Let's leave my abject humiliation at that.

    After rinsing for a good 5 minutes, my eye still BURNED (AND JESUS IT FRAKING BURNS, PEOPLE) and my vision was blurry so I thought I should call 911 since it was my vision we were talking about after all. Even then I hesitated for a bit because I didn't want to be one of those dumb people who call 911 for the slightest thing. Oh! I have a cold, call the ambulance! Well, according to the (ahem: HOT) firemen, the EMTs and the ER Docs, it turns out it was the right thing to do.

    So, enter the giant fire truck, siren blazing that pulled up to my house and the approximately 839385475830 firemen and 2 EMTs inside my house last night. It seems like the oddest thing to think about when you might lose an eye, but I was grateful I had on clean underwear and my house was very clean. As a side note, I did not appreciate that the firemen stood around looking at my crap. PICKING STUFF UP and talking about it. Books, my electronic training collar for my dog, little knick knack things, stuff like that. I wanted to say HEY leave my stuff alone, stop judging my books, but they had just come to save my dumb stupid ass so I just let it be. I certainly didn’t appreciate it, though.

    All of which led up to my ambulance walk of shame as the entire neighborhood looked on. Because of course when the fire truck and ambulance comes up the street, we all must come out of our houses and stand on the sidewalk gaping at the spectacle. We wonder what is going on, hope to see some blood and gore and also get a chance to chat with the neighbors. “I hear they are getting a divorce.” “Did you hear that dog barking ALL night?” “That car parks in front of my house all the time, I’m going to call the cops on them.” You KNOW what I’m talking about.

    After getting to the ER and after 3, count them three hours of eye rinsing with a cup like gizmo ON my eyeball and secured by my eye lids, which believe me isn't very comfortable, and some various and sundry tests I was sent home with my vision intact (if not my dignity) and very minor damage to the eye which will heal itself with the help of the ointment they gave me. Thank god there is no permanent damage (which they said was mostly due to the fact that I rinsed immediately and didn't stop rinsing) and today my eye is just a bit irritated but I'll be 100% fine in a jiff.

    Moral of the story. Ahem. Do NOT lift up the bottle of SULFERIC ACID above you head toward the light so you can try and see how much is left in the opaque bottle, thus having some drip down directly into your eye. Okay? Okay.

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  24. I am all over anything that doesn't feel right. If one doc blows me off, I go see another. I never want to wish I'd gone in (part of my life philosophy of 'i don't ever want to wish i'd done that'...though i wind up doing a lot of shit i really don't want to do....).
    Being Dr. Roo is helpful...even if I just am Dr. of how kids bullshit in classes....
    Best wishes to your lady parts.
    wow.
    They should make a card for that shit.
    :)

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  25. I ignore stuff until it becomes unbearable.

    - Slight burning sensation when peeing: ignore. Obvious UTI: ignore. Obvious kidney infection: ignore. Can't wear seat belt in car or pee (barely): go to doctor.

    - Weird ear sore: ignore. Seeping ear sore: ignore. Entire right side of face swollen: ignore. Slight loss of hearing in infected ear: treat with copious amounts of neosporin, ear stuff from drugstore and peroxide.

    I figure that if I just ignore stuff, it will go away. If I go to the doctor, I will feel stupid for paying through the nose to be told to take it easy and apply some neosporin.

    This attitude developed after seeing a doctor for a strange bump in my earlobe (unrelated to above incident) and being prescribed some kind of superhuman dosage of Cipro, which led to a raging yeast infection. So for me: doctor + illness= yeast infection.

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  26. Everyone thought that I was a crazy hypochondriac too. I used to get these insane headaches and weird body aches that were inexplainable. All my friends thought that I was just a huge whiner. After I had the two brain surgeries, I'm pretty sure they all believed me. :)

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  27. Red (10:54 am) said it well.

    I've always been one to tough it out and not make a deal of aches and pains and weirdnesses. About 6 years ago I started wheezing and getting this really weird itch on my ankles and ribcage. Months of allergy testing later, my allergist finally said 'you don't have ANY allergies' and sent me out for other tests and an xray. Had an xray one day, a CT scan the next and wham - I was in the oncologist's office on my way to getting a cancer diagnosis. I had lymphoma and a baseball-sized tumor in my chest I'd never felt.

    5 years later, I'm ok. But I still worry about weird things that pop up - especially as my brother had lymphoma too (different kind) and died from it. So first, pay attention when something doesn't seem right and second, for what it's worth, I know what it's like to feel scared. Cancer sucks.

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  28. I'm exactly like you, Kristy, except for the part where you don't go to the doctor.

    I feel a symptom, wish it away, convince myself it's the worst possible diagnosis, fret about it for a week, get my affairs in order, make amends with old friends, kiss my husband and daughter goodbye and drag myself off to the doctor, where I pay $20 for her to tell me it's something simple, take these antibiotics and call me in a week if it doesn't clear up.

    Which it does. Well, except for that one time. But that's a whole other story entirely.

    Anyway, I've often wondered why I don't just skip all the middle stuff and go straight to the doctor. I think I've decided it's because, like a runner who runs because it feels so good when he stops, I need the build-up to feel the relief.

    Which probably means my next doctor's appointment should be with a shrink.

    Glad to hear you're tip-top.

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  29. Hahah - this post had me laughing because I am exactly the same way. Actually my gynocologist told me that I should have a "frequent patient pass" because I am in their so often with my next worry.

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  30. My Mom died of breast cancer. I have cancer phobia...they found 3 cysts in one breast and family was trying to get me to schedule a mastectomy.
    I'll be the one that thought it was indigestion, as my heart shuts down.
    I do what I HAVE todo.....Yearly Mammo's, and girl check. Otherwise, I figure Tylenol in some over the counter form will do the trick.
    Until I start bleeding from my ears, I'll be at home.

    I think, though, if this is something that's been bothering you for a few months.....yes, GO TO THE DOCTOR (As you did). Better to put your mind at ease than dream up 9 kind-o-cancers.

    Sending GOOD thoughts your way!!

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  31. Does ANYONE like going to the doctor? My strategy: it'll either get better or it will get worse. If it gets better-- hey, no reason to go! If it gets worse, someone will take me to the emergency room.

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  32. Kristy, I just had the same thing this summer right after BH'08. I had a "suspicious spot" and convinced myself that it was just fine, that I'd read too many woman's magazines, that I was a hypochondriac. I forced myself to go get it checked out.

    I had spreading melanoma.

    I hope all is well for you. I'm thinking of you!

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  33. what, you mean ignoring medical problems DOESN'T make them go away?

    sheeit.

    glad to hear all seems well.

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  34. I live in a state of denial. I haven't been to a "female issues" dr. in about 4 years. I am a lot like you and glad to read everything seems okay.

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  35. Hi, I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your blog so much I just passed an award on to you.

    http://apronstringsandangst.com/i-heart-bloggy-love-two-awards/

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  36. I, too, dislike going to the doctor, despite the following facts:

    1. I have never had a bad experience with a doctor.

    2. I can't remember ever having a doctor I didn't like.

    3. I went to the doctor ALL THE TIME when I was a kid because of constant illness, so I should be used to it.

    4. My mom is a nurse.

    5. My dad is a doctor.

    6. I spent plenty of time visiting doctors offices and hospitals for social (not sick) reasons as a child, so I shouldn't even associate them mentally with negative things.


    Don't care. Still don't like going to the doctor. Had to go on Monday because I'm sick. KNEW I had to go, but put it off for hours, despite pain.

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  37. I actually love going to the doctor. My mom and favorite aunt both worked in the same hospital for 18 years, so I spent a lot of time there. Therefor I had a tendency to be an incredible hypocondriac. But I was sick a lot too. I had strep throat 4 times in one month in the second grade. Anyhow...

    I do the same get myself all worked up about one small ailment, then rush to wedmd.com, figure out that it is imperitive that I get to a doctor immediately because I probably have the Black Plague or something of that nature. Thankfully my doctor is awesome, and knows how to talk to my down.

    Glad your lady parts are a-okay!

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  38. Great post! You made me smile and although I am a hypochondriac that DOES go to the doctor, I can really relate about the worrying part.

    I figured that my problems stem from watching too many Woody Allen films.

    http://tangobaby2.blogspot.com/2008/07/sometimes-weaker-ones-will-panic.html

    I'm glad to hear that your lady parts are doing well, though.

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  39. Okay this post made me feel SO much better... And the other commenters made me realize I need to break up with my doc pronto. Her latest thing was to have her nurse call me after some particularly scary tests and and tell me they were in and that I needed to come in. RIGHT NOW. How about 20 minutes from now.

    Um... Can anything GET scarier than that 20 minute drive to the dr's??!?!!? Only to find out that the original tests were "inconclusive" and I needed to have more tests. If I hadn't been so relieved I think I would have punched her. Or at the very least screamed at the nurse.

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  40. First, glad you went. Even more glad everything is a-ok.

    I have no idea what normal people do. I can't claim to be one of them. My mother was a nurse and if it could be glued shut/duct-taped back on, we didn't go to the doctor. If we got something, we thought it would get better, and it usually did.

    Except twice. Once was an infected nerve in a broken tooth and the other was a non-cancerous tumor. Both resulted in emergency treatment. But I am once again invincible and haven't changed my doctoring habits.

    And I've stopped looking at WebMD. It's like watching a scary movie before bed -- it just inspires nightmares.

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  41. I'm going to preach here for a minute?

    1. I was sick. I knew I didn't feel well. I had diarrhea (how do you spell that) for days on end. I was puking. I was lethargic. I went to doc who said, "looks like the flu". I was pissed b/c I wasted my money going to the doctor. Days went by, I as on the verge of losing my jobs. More days past and I was still vomiting and pooping like crazy. I go back to the doctor, he took one look at me and sent me straight to the hospital where I stayed for 10 days weith.............salmonella poisoning. I could have DIED.

    2. I was pregnant. I felt like crap. Everyone told me that I was suppose to feel like crap. I kept vomiting, I was losing weight, to the tune of 30 pounds for entire pregnancy. I was getting worse, I could't get out of bed....I finally went to doctor...I had e.coli from the well water from the campground where we were living. (My husband worked construction). Me and my baby could have DIED.

    3. I was running my own business this spring. It was going under. The stress was killing me. I was staying sick, sick sick each day I would go nap during the nap time for the children. I kept getting worse and worse and worse. I had a kidney stone. they did an cat scan, found a kidney stone and something wrong with my liver. What the hell? Two days later I tested positive for mono. I ended up in the hospital. I could have DIED.

    Never ignore your instincts!!!

    Ok, rant over.

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  42. I'll take your post to heart as I go into practice next year.

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  43. You and I are exact twins re doctors. I just don't go. I have friends that go all the time for this and that and everything. Me? Nope. If I ignore it, it will go away on its own.

    I'm also having some issues that I know I should see a doctor for. But? I'm not stepping on that damn scale right now. Therefore, not making the appt. Yes, I should just grow up and go. But honestly? I probably won't.

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  44. I am like you in a way. I usually don't go to the doctor if I can help it, but meanwhile I fret about my symptoms and thinking in the back of my mind that I might have cancer or something. But unlike you, I don't think that I avoid doctors b/c I'm afraid I might have something bad. I think it's more that I don't think they'll be able to help me or they'll just say that it's not that bad and do nothing. I've had a numb leg for YEARS and all the doctor did was poke it, I said I couldn't feel it, and that was that. I'm really sure that my hormones are out of whack (or something) but when I saw the doctor for that (years ago - though I still have problems) she was just like - yeah, it's not that bad, and you'll probably just need to consult a dr. if you want to have kids. What? So yes, they did nothing. My wrist hurt and the doctor said I probably had carpal tunnel minorly, gave me a brace, and that's all. Now after a dormant period, my wrist is messed up. Recently I was sick and went to my one good doctor (specialist who actually has helped me via a diagnosis after I saw a quack of a doctor for months with no dianosis), but this time it turned out to be nothing and I spent like $300 (I have crappy insurance) only to get better on my own and all the tests to come back negative!!! And I could go on and on. It just doesn't seem worth it to me to spend the time and money to go to the doctor and then have them simply nod their head, note your chart, and send you on your way. So, I hardly ever go to the Dr. But meanwhile I sit at home pondering over what severe disease I may have, which is always something terrible. Sigh. And now I need to go to the dr. for my darned wrist that's acting up but I'm afraid it will be a waste. Anyway, I feel your pain in a way.
    Oh, and P.S. I've found that my mom is a VERY accurate diagnoser. Sometimes I can just tell her my symptoms or describe a rash and she hits it spot on! (i.e. She diagnosed me with ringworm AND shingles over the phone! In those cases I then went to the doctor because I knew it would be worth it.)

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  45. You're not crazy. I've always hated the doctor - for similar reasons. I drag myself there when I absolutely have to but I always dread it.

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  46. I'm there with you. Especially about the weight thing. I just hate getting on that scale and being reprimanded for something I'm obviously not thrilled about either. I don't really like to have anyone peek into my gown to see how my parts are doing or have me walk around the room while my butt is hanging out of the gown and let's not forget the wonderful bending over so they can see if your back is fine--along with seeing more of your butt in an awkward position.

    OH YEAH, I'm with you, I hate going too, more than anything.

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