YAY BOOBS, And Also "What I Learned From Super Tuesday"

As one of the more enlightened bloggers out here (HAHAHAHAHA), I'm sure you will all appreciate my rundown of the learnings* I gained from Super Tuesday. I mostly watched MSNBC (but also maybe American Idol because while I may be enlightened I AM NOT MADE OF STONE).

You may also note that this post is far less serious than the Hillary quagmire below, what with my wanton use of the phrase, YAY BOOBS throughout. This is because, as "apparentwomanhater" and "Ed" pointed out, politics tends to make everyone cranky. Whereas BOOBS are boobs. And so YAY.

1. It was a tie for the Dems. Wow! Also, this whole process is totally crazy, and historic, and I'm sure that if our Forefathers could have forseen all the invisible interweb peeps live-blogging and Twittering the primaries, they would have been all "u r teh shiz, americanz!" Probably also they would have been like, "wot r u wearing?" because let's face it. Our Forefathers were kind of slutty.

2. Watching Chris Matthews try -- I mean it, really, really he tried -- to be even-handed and non-sexist was kind of endearing, almost.
(For those of you not following along, Chris made an absurd remark following the NH primaries, stating that the real reason Hillary is making strides is because people feel sorry for her because her husband messed around. Yes, really he did. And then later even he realized that this is maybe not the weightiest point he should be making. Here's his real apology.)

3. I am in love with Keith Olbermann a very much lot. He is my type in every way, understanding that I have two types.

Now, sure. One is quite obviously men who are about 5'10 with shaved heads and goatees, which Keith is not.

Exhibit A











Exhibit B










Right.

But the OTHER type is tall, dark and brooding.













(This is an exceptionally dorky photo of Keith, but I guess it's his standard MSNBC headshot. It captures none of what makes him so alluring to me, except maybe the glasses and salt-and-pepper hair.)

4. I don't know when it happened, but I do not like how all the Big News shows have constantly moving backgrounds. Have you noticed how when a talking head appears, there's like a hundred things going on behind her/him? There are all sorts of floating columns and numbers and shiny things dancing about. If the commentators are SO BORING that the networks think viewers need flashing lights to stay engaged, um? Let me tell you. No soaring, golden "2008" behind Pat Buchanan is going to make him be interesting.

5. I have a mad girl-crush on Rachel Maddow. She is smart, funny, and charming. Interestingly (or at least, interesting to me), Ish also tends to develop crushes on smart, funny, charming lesbians. (YAY BOOBS)
(Photo from her wikipedia page.)

And so we can both pine for her in our own unrequited ways. I think it brings us closer together as a couple.


6. Getting serious for a moment, I am incredibly frustrated that the news coverage has been all but silent on two KIND OF BIG things. First, on the numbers. They have discussed the number of votes for each candidate, they have discussed percentages, they have been making all kinds of noise about turnout. But I have not heard any big story ANYWHERE about the comparative turnouts of Republicans and Democrats. Did I miss that somewhere? Second, a whole lot of lip service has been given to the idea that both Hillary and Barack are "change candidates." Change, change, change. But change FROM what? WHY are so many people SO DESPERATE for change? I'm only half being rhetorical. None of the newscasts I watched on Tuesday bothered (YAY BOOBS) to discuss this.


7. I can do many things while watching election coverage and American Idol. Like...

• I can sit on my sofa and look around my apartment and think: wow. I have a LOT of packing to do. And before you're all like, so? let me remind you that this is, actually, a very impressive skill. It requires concentration, spatial relations, and a firm grasp of "time management."
  
  
• Also, I can drink Diet Hanson's Black Cherry soda and feel very good about it because even though soda is not something the human body was built to ingest, it is better for me than several glasses of wine. I am not sure that it's better for me than spraying low-calorie Redi-Whip directly into my mouth, which I was doing because Ish was late and bringing dinner and I was hungry and you know. Desperate times, blah blah.
  
  
• I can maybe also spray just a little bit of Redi-Whip onto Sherlock's head to see if it looks as cute as I'd envisioned in my head. Turns out, it does.
  

YAY BOOBS.







*I can turn verbs into nouns ("learnings") because I used to work for a management consultancy and that's the rule. Look it up.