Sunday, January 13, 2008

I'm Moving

Wow, that's weird to write.

In case you don't already know, I am a sap. A big, drippy, sappy mess. I turn it off much of the time, because if I didn't I would spend the better part of most days weeping over that time that thing happened. Or at the beauty of random objects. Or who knows what else. Let's just say it wouldn't be pretty and you wouldn't be my friend anymore.

All joking aside, my mother lived with her emotional dial turned ALL THE WAY UP ALL THE TIME and living like that, and living with someone like that, is exhausting. (Will today be a crying day? Or will today be a good day? Or will today be a good, crying day?) So I try and keep myself in check. But in case you didn't know, I have that same dial. I inherited it just as my sisters did and God help our significant others on those days and nights when we accidentally forget to turn the dial down.

So as I was saying.

I began this blog three years ago today.

My fabulous, black retro-smallish-shabby-chic desk that I snagged at a garage sale for $20 was up against the wall where my tv stand now lives. That's where my computer used to go.

That's where I started "She Walks," three years ago on January 13.

Geez, this blog is such an integral part of my life that I wonder how I ever lived without it. I am flattered and humbled every single day that you read it. (Yes, you.) It's the coolest and most amazing thing. The truth is, though, that I have been writing a blog since I learned how to write. I've kept a journal my whole life, and for whatever personality-quirk reason, I've always written it as though an audience of Invisible Friends were reading. Uh...that anyone actually does is a crazy wonderful thing I'll never get over.

Did you know that when I started this, I actually sent out an Evite? I did! I sent an Evite to my blog. Ha. I thought that if a few of my friends were actually reading and keeping tabs, that I would feel more accountable to my weight-loss plan/goal. OH WELL.

So three years ago...three years...

I weighed almost exactly what I weigh now. I owned very little cookware. I did all my internet-ing at my black desk from my PC laptop -- the Sony Vaio I'd purchased when I first moved to San Francisco. My finances were in pretty pitiful condition. My social life alternated between hanging out with PinkJaime, Sex and the City on DVD, and dating T, The Boy. My best friend, Emily, had just given birth to Ella, my sister Sam had just started dating Mike, and my sister Healy was pregnant. My father was alive. I wasn't 30 yet.

And then I discovered knitting and Crazy Aunt Purl and the whole huge wide world of non-political blogs which inspired me to just open up. And then everything changed. (Life will have a tendency to do that.)

And now it's January 13 2008. My black desk is in my closet, having been replaced by the Office Desk I acquired when I began working for BlogHer. I gave my laptop to my sister when I got my MacBook. She and her fiance, Mike, use it all the time. (Their wedding is this Labor Day.) Ella has a little sister now. Charlie's one cool ass kid, and it's awesome that he got to meet his grandfather ("Old Grandad"), even if he won't remember him. T and I broke up and it was pretty miserable for a few months there, but by the end of that summer I was finally back on track, with a new, real, job and foreseeable career path. I started dating Ish.

I'll tell you something, 'k?

When I moved into my apartment in September of 2004, it was a defining moment, in some ways just as defining as when I actually arrived in San Francisco three years before that. I'd lived in my own place that first year in SF, but on what felt like borrowed money, maybe even borrowed time. I landed here fresh from divorce proceedings that weren't even final. I was dating El_Gallo and still had a LOT of stuff (like, you know, my divorce and my mom's death) to work through. It took a long while. And it was only after ElG and I followed the course of a relationship riddled with Trying Times, after we realized we were not, actually, going to spend the rest of our lives together, that I was totally on my own.

For the very first time, I was on my own. And I moved here, to this apartment, to live by myself. It was scary and cool and full of possibility.

I didn't have any plan at all.

I didn't have money. I had a job, but at something of a strange company, and my long-term prospects there were iffy at best. I was dating a guy who was none too serious about me. I needed to lose weight, still. I had some furniture, my cats, a couple credit cards, fantastic friends, and absolutely zero idea what I was doing. I could not -- not even vaguely -- picture what my life would look like three years later.

I remember moving in and wondering when it would be that I'd ever move out again. I mean, what would the impetus be to ever leave? Surely I wouldn't stay in my cute little place forever, but...

Would I save enough money to someday buy a place? Would I find a killer job somewhere way outside the Bay Area? Would I go back "home" to the East Coast? Would I simply crave change and decide to move...someplace? Or what if (I'd wonder on my Bridget Jones + bottle of wine + Indian food take-out nights) I DID just stay forever? Just me and my cats and my yarn, here in apartment #5, becoming the building's ever-increasingly spinsteresque resident, leaving anonymous notes in the lobby blaming my neighbors for noise and poor laundry room habits.

Or? Or, well, there was that other option. The one where maybe I'd meet a great guy, and we'd go through the various Stages of Dating in Our 30s, and eventually decide to take that next step together and wander off into the sunset. (Where by "sunset" I mean "joint utility bills.") But I knew better than to plan for that.

No, I most definitely did NOT plan for that.

And yet.

While all of this crazy "life" stuff has been going on, so have Ish/Pete and I. And through those good, bad and ugly Stages of Dating in Our 30s (oof!), we've managed to make it work.

So exactly 2.5 years after our first date, on this February 6, we will be picking up the keys to our first apartment together.

I'm moving!

And this means I'm at once nostalgic and thrilled. I can't wait to be in the new place, and I can't believe I'm really going to let this apartment go. I moved in here knowing anything was possible, and now I guess "anything" has happened. I've come a long way. We've come a long way.

(We still have a gloriously long way to go.)

As it stands, I love the life I've had while I've been here, in my space, on my own. It's done a fantastic job at preparing me for the life I'll keep on loving.

Just, someplace else.



37 comments:

  1. "I've kept a journal my whole life, and for whatever personality-quirk reason, I've always written it as though an audience of Invisible Friends were reading."

    Me too. In fact, when I first started journalling, I even gave my diaries NAMES. I should mention that this was in elementary school, but still! Weird kid alert! And then, at the end of each journal, there would be at least a page where I said goodbye to Primrose Zelda Diary (or whoever.)

    I totally understand the sappiness, especially about a place. I don't want to think about when I move out of my mice-infested, small, yet charming and memory-filled apartment. Anyway, this IIF is happy for you.

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  2. Congrats on the life change! Big step indeed. Are you both moving into a new place, or are you moving in with Ish?

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  3. Congrats! As I read this, I thought it might have a sad ending - but it was a happy one indeed.

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  4. Nice! And congratulations on 3 years, 2.5/new home with Ish, and oh yeah the 7 pounds etc. I'm glad you blog - it's fun (and sometimes sad) to read.

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  5. I'm so incredibly happy for you! Congrats on the new place and the 7 lbs. and everything! YAY!

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  6. HOW EXCITING! Time to close a chapter and start a new one. New house means a few months of NO CLUTTER for me, typically because all the crap is still in boxes in the garage, then I think I need something, open a box, and it explodes. Our house this time has not been like that and I am overjoyed.

    Hopefully this move will be a great chapter for you and your sweetie, and the kitties. Now which kitty will be in charge when you combine households?

    Cindi

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  7. Yay moving in together! That's so great. This is a blog entry that I aspire to write someday! Moved to a new city, but haven't found the guy yet. I'll get there. :) You're my fave new role model.

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  8. Wa! Hoo!

    oh kristy, i'm so excited for you. a little nervous for you also. but mostly thrilled!

    i hope this new place is everything you need it to be. i wish you great happiness. ish, too!

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  9. Awwhh. Congratulations Kristy and Pete! You're gonna need some more litter boxes.

    :D

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  10. Umm... I'm looking for a one-bedroom in the city. Can I ask if it's rent-controlled? I feel like asking this is only slightly not as bad as checking out the obituaries in NY to snag an apartment.

    Congrats on your next step - he sounds like a great guy, and I'm really happy for you.

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  11. I adore this entry, K. I wish y'all the best of luck. (Psh - as if you need it!)

    I have to say, reading about you living your life has inspired me many many times as I've been living my own. Because of fabulous women like you, I've made a lot of changes in my life, moving me that much closer to my own dreams.

    Thanks, K!

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  12. I've been reading for a while but have never commented before ... but I'm so happy for you! Best of luck!

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  13. Congratulations! I hope Ish makes a good roommate :)

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  14. Congratulations!!!! I just moved in with my boyfriend too!

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  15. Congratulations! I'm very happy for both of you!

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  16. Congratulations to both of you! How exciting! :)

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  17. So, so psyched for you both! Congrats!

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  18. What a beautiful post. One you'll be able to look back on and remember forever.

    Congratulations!

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  19. Hey cool. First Paris, now this!

    Way to go!

    D, A and Little Miss Sunshine in Austin

    P.S., we're moving too. Back to the mothership for three years on another assignment. I'll try to make it out to meet Ish before we leave again for snowier climes.

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  20. Sounds like 2008 is starting off to be a fantastic year for you. Congratulations! :)

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  21. For the record....I've been reading your blog for about 2 1/2 years and really, you inspire me.

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  22. Awesome!

    I wish you all the best.

    Great start to the year for you.

    Kyls

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  23. Congrats!

    Do you know that you are the reason I started my own blog? Thanks for that, because now I can't imagine my life without it either.

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  24. I'm so happy for you!! Congratulations on the move. It's such a big change to make, but it seems that you'll be so happy with Ish. =)

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  25. As a long time reader - from nearly the beginning - so far back that I can't remember how I found you - I am proud to call you an IIF and am proud of how far you have come in your journey!! What a wonderful road still lays before you.

    Congratulations - to you AND to Ish!

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  26. Exciting! Scary! Happy! Yep, all of it.
    Congratulations on the apartment, for making it as far as you have, and really...for being happy.

    You so clearly deserve it, K!

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  27. that's gonna be an exciting move! i loved the 4 years i lived by myself in SF but i love living with my husband now too. we moved next door so not to far away. change is good. :)

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  28. omigod...! congrats on this new chapter in your life.


    and thanks for sharing all of your adventures with us. it's so odd to feel connected to someone you've never met, but i feel like i am. in a non-stalker-y kind of way, of course...!

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  29. CONGRATS!! I am so happy for the two of you!

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  30. Congratulations! I'm sure that you and Ish have years and years of happiness in front of you.

    Happily Ever After isn't always just for fairytales, is it?

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  31. I'm very happy to see that good things are happening for you.

    :) Yay!

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  32. with the money you'll save, Ish can finally get that toupee!

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  33. First off I totally noticed the 7 pounds. It def comes through in your writing. In fact, I thought it may have even been 10.

    Second, WOAH!!! Moving in with Ish!!!! That's awesome! I think you will love it. When Kyle and I moved in together the first thing we thought was "Why didn't we do this sooner!?" I totally understand the nostalgia for your first real place on your own, but I really think that life is better shared... and it's so much easier to share when your favorite person is *right there* every morning. :) No overnight bag required.

    YAY!

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  34. Congratulations K and Ish. A round of applause for moving in to the new place and to the new environment. I'm so happy to know that good things are happening to you. Keep it up and have a happy trip with Ish :)

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  35. Cheers to that ! Congrats don't be afraid to make a change in you. Good luck on
    your life

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