From the Archives

I am no longer running around like a headless chicken in advance of next week's conference.

This is kind of the eye of the storm, where there's not THAT much more that can be done until I'm on-site.

And because my body seems to know the first round of super-stress has ended, it has gone and gotten me sick. Wheee! I have a cold, and am exhausted, and pumping fluids and vitamins and Airborne and such into my system. Good times.

Anyway, I thought of this last night, for no good reason. Maybe it's all the weird things in my system, maybe all the baby stuff with my sister and Charlie that's been banging around in my brain off-hours. Whatever it is, I thought of my Aunt Jane, and how I miss her.

And I laughed at the story about how I first really met her.

* * *

I was a verbal kid. Far as I can tell, I never shut up. (Yeah. This here on-blog rambling-ness? NOT NEW.)

And there is some debate about exactly how old I was the first time my Aunt Jane visited me, but I was a baby. I was definitely under 2 years old, and small enough to be propped up in one of those table-top bassinet things.

Jane's visit was a big deal. She and my mom had grown up together and been very close for much of their lives. But by that time, Jane was single and living in Minnesota, and my mom had up and moved to the East Coast and -- from the looks of things -- settled down.

I don't know how long it had been since they'd seen each other, but I am sure it had been ages. I picture them reuniting like a Hallmark moment: Jane, entering the house, hugging my mom and then walking over to see The Baby. I picture soft lighting and shared tears of joy and familial love.

Well, except.

Jane did enter the house and I'm sure she and my mom hugged, and she did come over to me. But for whatever reason, perhaps because she didn't expect it from so small a child, or maybe she'd forgotten that I was talking already, she instinctively launched into that coochie-coo thing that grown-ups do.

She bent over me, and stuck out her forefinger and began swirling it as she cooed, inches from me.

"Ooochie areeeen't you just the cuuuutest leetle baby? Yes you are! Yes youuuuuu, baby Kiki cuuuutie--"

And while she started this, it is said that I didn't so much smile at my aunt as watch intently. And perhaps somewhat unbelievingly.

"You are just theeeeee cuuuuuuutest little girl!" My poor Aunt Jane said, her forefinger still outstretched.

There was a pause as everyone waited for my reaction.

And apparently my reaction was to outstretch my forefinger. And point at her. And twirl my finger around in a circle, and say, in the same tone of voice (though clearly mockingly):

"Oooh...aaaaand youuuuuu..."

and I swear I'm not making this up --

...are an asshole!"

We were fabulous friends from that point forward.


  1. impressive vocabulary for such a young child...gotta watch what i say around my newborn baby boy....:)

  2. This is why I read your blog. Few things make me laugh out loud like a child swearing and being a smart-ass. Nice.

  3. KA-lassic!!!

    Forgot this story, love it love it!

  4. Ericha2@yahoo.com5:31 PM, March 17, 2007

    flight to east coast: $200
    flowers for friend you haven't seen in ages: $20
    baby obscenities: priceless

    God I love your blog...sick or not, you make me laugh out loud.

    Get well soon...Zao Noodle Bar's Lemongrass Chicken Soup and Zicam. I swear by it!

    Oh, and a shot of Irish Whiskey (Tullamoredo, if you can get it)in honor of St. Patty's certainly wouldn't hurt.

  5. Ericha2@yahoo.com5:33 PM, March 17, 2007

    Um...sorry...that should be Tullamor Dew. Guiness has addled my brain.

  6. And you're still a cutie Kiki!!!

  7. Thanks for sharing.
    I SO needed a laugh right now!

  8. How come once you turn into an adult calling people 'asshole' loses it's charm?

  9. i just choked on my sushi. spectacular post. thanks!

  10. -dies laughing-

    Your blog is great. I've been reading it from beginning to end, or well, current. I love it.


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