Thursday, December 15, 2005

THIS IS THE PART OF CHRISTMAS WHERE I SWEAR. A LOT.

um. no.

no no no no no.

it is NOT fucking okay that TWELVE of the THIRTEEN items i PAINSTAKINGLY chose to add to my fucking amazon.com cart will ship AFTER DECEMBER 24.

WHY WOULD THAT BE OKAY? do you think i'm there on your site, ready and willing to spend a bloody FORTUNE just for fucking FUN? ON DECEMBER 15!?!?!?

oh hey, yeah. you know, my family doesn't mind if their gifts don't arrive until january 9. whatever. it's not like it's FUCKING CHRISTMAS.

oh wait.

*breathe*

and what the fuck is wrong with you that you have all big and bold on your fucking homepage that i have until tomorrow to order items with SUPER SAVER SHIPPING and they will ARRIVE BY DECEMBER 23????

oh!? oh yeah!?!? which fucking items would those be? because i can't think they'll BE THE ONES SHIPPING AFTER DECEMBER 24.

this means that as of 7:06 p.m. on december 15, i have to begin searching for those lovely items all over again.

all i have to say is that AMAZON.COM IS GETTING COAL IN ITS STOCKING THIS YEAR.

fuckheads.

< / rant >

33 comments:

  1. they suck big pieces of reindeer dung!!!

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  2. well k, in light of your previous posting before this one, sounds like to me karma bit ya in the bum. actually, i'm trying to imagine what your face looked like when that two-week notification popped up on your screen. did you turn purple, then red? or red first, then purple?

    sorry, i just had to laugh at the visual your rant elicited in me thoughts, that's all. we've all been there, right?

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  3. Maybe the Marketplace sellers on Amazon.com will be able to ship earlier? Or half.com? Ugh good luck with all that. Online shopping is supposed to be convenient!
    On the bright side, you don't have final exams and papers during Christmas??? (Trying to make you feel better)
    Good luck!
    (botanylicious, anonymous because I forgot my password)

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  4. karma bit ya in the bum
    As a Buddhist, and a pedantic Buddhist at that, let me point out that you have absolutely no idea what karma means. Stop using the word. Really. Just stop. They guys down at the Zen center are all shaking their heads at you in that knowing "I'm a Buddhist monk and while not surprised at human ignorace, I still don't approve of it" kind of way that they have. I, however, being The World's Worst Buddhist™, just want to poke you with a stick until you stop trying to hang your baseless aggression all over well developed philosophical concepts. What you really should use in this instance isn't the word "karma", but rather a link to Nelson Muntz saying "HA ha!"

    AMAZON.COM IS GETTING COAL IN ITS STOCKING THIS YEAR. fuckheads.

    Kristy, that's the kind of Christmas spirit I like to hear! Maybe you'll relent on this whole pacifism thing and let me get you a hand gun this year. Nothing says Christmas Time™ like a hand gun! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some Country and Western versions of God Bless America, to listen to...

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  5. oh my god!! i ordered from them on december fucking 1st. i planned in advance (which has never, EVER happened)!! so, i got an email YESTERDAY saying that there's a delay and my items won't ship until the 19th. mind you, i leave on the 20th to go see my family, across the country, where the gifts should be tagging along. i hate amazon. hate hate hate.

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  6. oh geeze, elgallo, it was meant in freakin' fun and jest, especially in light of her previous post!
    i just found it so freakin' hilarious to read her bitchin' about not getting what she wants done on time when she needs it most. i laughed out loud. i thought to myself, what goes around, comes around.

    anyway, i do agree with your comment about guns. i own a glock 9mm myself. not because i love it, nor can i not wait to use it but rather, it's a constitutional right i'm afraid, along with all the john hancock gunowners in the states today, will one day go *poof*

    and then i'll be doubly glad i own it.

    wanna shoot sometime? oh wait, you're a guy, you do it all the time anyway.

    ba da da dum *cling*

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  7. um. anonymous, that just makes me grumpier than i already am.

    "what goes around comes around"? so i deserved this? why, exactly? because i waited to do my christmas shopping? i mean, i DID wait, yes, but with the knowledge that every frickin' site i've been perusing has been promising GUARANTEED delivery before christmas if you order by X date -- in overstock's case, it's tonight. but amazon has been teasing me all month long. it's just mean. it's them telling me i can AFFORD to wait, and then punishing me for believing them.

    (and yes, i'm being hyperbolic. but come ON.)

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  8. Can I have switches* in mine?



    *I mean the long thin whippy kind.

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  9. "wanna shoot sometime? oh wait, you're a guy, you do it all the time anyway." What the hell does that mean. Oh never mind..I'll consider the source. I think I'm more afraid of people who own guns merely because "it's their consitutional right" and state so, than the people who own them because they love them.

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  10. as i recall this is k's blog, were as she can say any thing she wants.remember freedom of speech?! if you don't like it no one is making you stay and read!
    k i like your blog.it shows you are very human and not afraid to show it.

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  11. Now, this is an attempt to cheer you up. You live in San Fransisco, right? There are many stores. You have money on hand, so go to the stores and choose from what is in them, enjoying it thoroughly. Do not think about what you had previously chosen. Christmas gifts should be surprises. The only people who should be shopping for specific items are the ones who finished in November, so don't even think about that. Now is the time for choosing among the many items actually on the shelves. The nice people in the stores will wrap them for you. You will be finished.
    And also, I haven't gotten my stuff from amazon yet, so you're scaring me a little here. They promised.

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  12. kiks, there's only one solution - the new hampshire liquour store.

    see you soon.

    love,
    santa booze

    p.s. el_gallo - happy holidays!

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  13. OK, so here's what you do. Give them yarn. Give it to them all balled up out of the packaging and then when they open it exclaim that it must have come un-knit in shipping/travel/whatever and say you'll have it knit right back up for them by Martin Luther King Day, or Valentines Day, or Thanksgiving, you know whichever works best for you.

    Oh, and hit the liquor store.

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  14. i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Amazon.com, it has NEVER failed me and 99% of the time the packages get where they're supposed to be before they have been promised. SOOOO, stop disparaging amazon.com and instead, perhaps, just maybe, you should get your act together and order earlier. You could do without all the added stress. Have a happy holiday!

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  15. Not sure why someone felt the need to get on here and defend amazon.com. Weird. Anyway, K, I'm with you - if the website says in big flashing letters that we can order as late as the 15th and it will still get there, we should be able to order on the 15th and have it get there! We should not have to order on November 15th, just in case the promise falls through. Hate that you have to buy new gifts...but hey, excuse to shop! Can't be all bad. Here's hoping you can re-find your inner Christmas joy!

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  16. This is why I do shopping the uber slacker way "Oh, little sister, you like that pair of pants? Let's just buy them now (October) and we'll wrap them up on Christmas eve. Just don't tell mom and dad, keep the tags to put back on them, and remember to look surprised." I know, it's not as much fun as a good surprise but she really wanted them so we all win!

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  17. Santa Booze -- and a Happy New Year! I'm still reporting you to Bill O'Reilly for the "Happy Holidays" thing. LIBERAL!

    anonymous -- You should re-read my post. You seem to have understood it in ways that I did not intend. It has nothing at all to do with gun control and everything to do with irony. As for me shooting all the time 'cause I'm a guy, God* will get you for making a pun that bad.



    *Cthullu

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  18. How can I send this amazon ? Hmmmm...


    http://www.hammondscandies.com/item458339.ctlg

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  19. Kristy- amazon's shipping dates are best guesses at best, and hopelessly wrong at worst.

    My gf ordered 3 things fomr them last week, all were scheduled to ship in 2-3 days. Over the next few days, one by one the items had their ship/deliver dates updated later and later... meanwhile, one of the items arrived (scheduled to ship that day). Then another item was updated to ship after christmas. It shipped the next day, but the 'to ship by date' still hasn't been updated.

    So, I'd take their 'ship by' dates with a huge grain of salt. If it seems likely to you that it'll come by christmass, I'd give it a shot.

    -J

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  20. **GASP**
    Try www.barnesandnoble.com...they ship amazingly fast and free over $25!..and uh....Merry Christmas?!?

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  21. You know kristy, this is the only blog I visit where there is war between your anonymous commenters on just about every post. Its so weird.
    I kind of wish they'd all fuck off but its your blog so I'll leave that to you.

    Best wishes for the shopping thing. Amazon sucks right now.

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  22. Ericha2@comcast.net10:27 AM, December 16, 2005

    k- ordered from amazon on the 6th. Expected ship date, the 9th. Expected to receive by the 13th. It shipped on the 12th and I got it on the 15th. so, as others have said, it's a bit unpredictable but as long as it doesn't specifically say it won't ship till after christmas, you should get it before. I'd have it shipped to you on the east coast so it's waiting for you when you get there...that's what i used to do.

    either way, good luck! oh, and about the last few posts...I don't care what religion you are or you aren't, you're funny and wonder and that link was @!)(*&E(*& hilarious! Thanks for sharing it.

    Merry Christmas, Happy Haunakkah, Happy Solstice, Happy Kwanza, etc....

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  23. Ericha2@comcast.net10:29 AM, December 16, 2005

    Ummm...that should be you're wonderful, not wonder...sorry. =)

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  24. Sorry to hear Amazon is not living up to their promises, that sucks. Even though it’s a circus out there, if you can grab a friend and hit the stores you could make a fun day of it and be all done!

    el_gallo, I’ve come to terms with the people who throw the term “karma” around without really knowing it’s meaning like this: there are actually two meanings of the word. The actual Buddhist meaning and then the colloquial contemporary meaning. It used to drive me nuts too, but I figure it’s not like I don’t get the gist of what someone means when they use the word “karma” to means approximately “what goes around comes around.” After all, language is in large part about communicating and interpreting meaning. Please note I am not specifically trying to defending or excusing anon’s or any one else’s ignorance, just saying that the misuse of the term is pretty common and perhaps understandable.

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  25. Ouch. Kristy, you should steal the bricks from their houses one by one. I'll help.

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  26. shananigans, yeah I know. It just gets under my skin. Have I mentioned that I'm not a very good Buddhist?

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  27. Drunken Store Santa12:24 PM, December 16, 2005

    I didn't know they sold booze on Amazon! Wouldn't that be what you ordered anyway? hehehe

    Boozy Claus

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  28. I'm so pleased you've provided a forum for hating Amazon.

    While they are my preferred method for receiving new Harry Potter books, I have sworn off them at Christmas. One year? Received very little on time. The next? Ordered ridiculously in advance, so that when I attempted to return something, I was charged a ridiculous late-return fee.

    Bastards.

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  29. I'll sit up Christmas eve with my 9mm and pop ol' Claus right in his karma.
    While drinking JD straight outta the bottle.
    Peace -n- love ya'll

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  30. but remember that handguns in this city are now supposed to be outlawed. maybe a b.b. gun will work? although i was amazed at how many times you were able to curse. lol fuckheads. =)

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  31. Support your local independent bookseller!

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  32. amazon is truly an amazingly unhelpful sight. i ordered a weather barometer as a present last year, was told it would arrive in time for christmas and then started to received form-letter emails from the company that was selling through amazon. "we appreciate your business and will ship your item as soon as it arrives", etc. this went on into january and february, by which time, my credit card number/info had changed b/c i lost my card. finally, in february i was told that the item was no longer stocked and i would be receiving credit to my now NON-EXISTENT credit card. let's just say i never got my money back and i have never ordered from amazon again. lesson learned.

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