A Single Slice Of Pepperoni Pizza**
i just got out of a 30 minute shower wherein i didn't even wash my hair (or get it wet) because it was the only thing i could think of to do to raise my body temperature.
it's cold in my apartment!
i don't have a thermometer, but i feel like the temperature must be below what it's supposed to be. and i could complain to the landlady, but we know how good i am at this. so instead, i'll gripe about it here as though i'm doing something productive.
yep, feels warmer already.
number of knitting projects for christmas completed: 0
number of knitting projects projected to be completed by christmas: 5, maybe 6
okay then, number of knitting projects actually on needles at this time: 2
hmmm.
number of phone calls you've received today asking to pay your credit card minimum from november which you SWORE you'd done a month ago but couldn't verify because the way your credit card company displays your account information is TOTALLY USELESS: 1
number of feet the ridiculous, plastic, pre-lit, $20 christmas tree from RITE-AID you bought this afternoon stands: 4.5
number of dishes you haven't washed: all
number of litter boxes you swore you'd clean three hours ago: 2
number of degrees it's supposed to be in your apartment at a minimum: 68
number of degrees you think it might be: 3
number of minutes spent blogging so that you could put off cleaning your apartment: 25 and counting
i have a friend who is seeing a guy who seems really quite fabulous except for the fact that he's sort of going through a divorce. which of course makes things complicated but not impossible.
my friend talks to me about this because i, as you may recall, have been through a divorce, and started seeing someone while i was separated, and it went -- frankly -- very well (we didn't work out, but ya'll know what good friends el_gallo and i are now). so right. i'm sort of an encouraging tale, you know?
and anyway, my friend seems happy. her boyfriend seems happy. so much so, in fact, that he has asked my friend to meet his parents.
which would be good...except his parents are maybe not so happy about the divorce. or, by extension, the girlfriend.
they're meeting on thursday.
now, in preparation for this meeting, my friend has asked me a question that even i, in my infinite wisdom*, cannot answer with any certainty. and so i pose it to all of you, dear Invisible Internet Friends:
what should she wear?
*"infinite wisdom" = propensity for dispensing unsolicited advice
** what i'm about to go eat. i cannot be expected to eat healthily if i'm dying of frostbite, now can i?
it's cold in my apartment!
i don't have a thermometer, but i feel like the temperature must be below what it's supposed to be. and i could complain to the landlady, but we know how good i am at this. so instead, i'll gripe about it here as though i'm doing something productive.
yep, feels warmer already.
*******
The Math:number of knitting projects for christmas completed: 0
number of knitting projects projected to be completed by christmas: 5, maybe 6
okay then, number of knitting projects actually on needles at this time: 2
hmmm.
number of phone calls you've received today asking to pay your credit card minimum from november which you SWORE you'd done a month ago but couldn't verify because the way your credit card company displays your account information is TOTALLY USELESS: 1
number of feet the ridiculous, plastic, pre-lit, $20 christmas tree from RITE-AID you bought this afternoon stands: 4.5
number of dishes you haven't washed: all
number of litter boxes you swore you'd clean three hours ago: 2
number of degrees it's supposed to be in your apartment at a minimum: 68
number of degrees you think it might be: 3
number of minutes spent blogging so that you could put off cleaning your apartment: 25 and counting
*****
Very Important Questioni have a friend who is seeing a guy who seems really quite fabulous except for the fact that he's sort of going through a divorce. which of course makes things complicated but not impossible.
my friend talks to me about this because i, as you may recall, have been through a divorce, and started seeing someone while i was separated, and it went -- frankly -- very well (we didn't work out, but ya'll know what good friends el_gallo and i are now). so right. i'm sort of an encouraging tale, you know?
and anyway, my friend seems happy. her boyfriend seems happy. so much so, in fact, that he has asked my friend to meet his parents.
which would be good...except his parents are maybe not so happy about the divorce. or, by extension, the girlfriend.
they're meeting on thursday.
now, in preparation for this meeting, my friend has asked me a question that even i, in my infinite wisdom*, cannot answer with any certainty. and so i pose it to all of you, dear Invisible Internet Friends:
what should she wear?
*"infinite wisdom" = propensity for dispensing unsolicited advice
** what i'm about to go eat. i cannot be expected to eat healthily if i'm dying of frostbite, now can i?
Something as classy and low-key as she can possibly pull off.
ReplyDeleteNothing overly trendy, sexy, wild, or otherwise remarkable. This is, of course, assuming she wants to remain a permenent fixture...
classic black dress, maybe a little on the longer side, with a knitted shawl.
ReplyDeletebetter yet, don't go until the divorce is final and the family has accepted that. that's my honest advice. nobody needs the bullshit hassle.
if she's determined to go, i recommend something as responsible looking as possible. think pastel- non-threatening, turtleneck and pencil skirt or turtleneck and corderoys (i don't think i can spell that...). definitely shoot for wholesome-non-homewrecker wear. no offense with the homewrecker thing- it sounds like she's not the reason, but the parents could read that in if it feels to soon to them....
ReplyDelete(just an aside, i/she realize/s the "what to wear" question is utterly ridiculous. it's meant in good fun.)
ReplyDeleteI think: http://www.stockroom.com/b294plus.htm
ReplyDeletewith perhaps: http://www.stockroom.com/j320.htm
and a pair of: http://www.stockroom.com/b291plus.htm for decorum's sake
On the other hand, I am a notorious pervert with a dubious sense of what's fashionable or appropriate...
...perhaps your friend could knit herself something fabulous by then! };->
I would steer her away from dark/bright colours. Definitely no power dressing! Look for grey, beige, brown. Maybe a knitted scarf, something that says "hey I can knit and probably cook and clean, etc therefore I am a super choice for your son". Check her shoes for scuffs and don't let her take a hand bag that is bigger than her head!
ReplyDeleteLet your friend know that even if it doesn't go so well, it could always have been worse:
When I met his entire family for the first time, it was over dinner in a nice restaurant. I had my hair done that afternoon, bought a new outfit and was looking/feeling great. Five minutes in, the waiter knocked a large stein of beer over on his tray, then tipped the tray forward so the entire beverage sloshed directly onto the top of my head and down my face. The waiter promptly vanished while the busy restaurant fell quiet and every pair of eyes turned to stare at me. I was mortified. The waiter never came back to the table so I had to get up and walk across the room to the kitchen to ASK FOR A TOWEL! The kitchen staff handed me a tiny cloth while two other waiters reset the table (it was a full house with no spare table to move us to). I spent the rest of the evening sitting in a beer puddle avoiding eye contact with everyone.
Failing that, I strongly recommend she dress as Magenta from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah.
ReplyDeleteel_gallo, you constantly remind me why I adore you.
ReplyDeleteel snarkster
it's cold. i did the same thing today. i hate being at the computer mainly because my hands get so cold that they fail to work properly and start to hurt.
ReplyDeletehow about crawling into bed under all the covers?
-el snarkster
You didn't happen to heat up the slice of pizza in the shower WITH you did you? I'm just askin is all.
ReplyDeleteYour friend should totally wear a shirt ala Britney Spears that proudly claims that she is a homewrecker...or good in bed.
I recommend the school-marm look.
ReplyDeletewait a second - are you the "friend", K???
ReplyDeleteum. maybe a little bit.
ReplyDeleteI may be too late to offer useful advice. However, I am a mom, so I know what his parents will be thinking. "Is this the homewrecker?" "Should we avoid getting fond of her because he will be back with his wife soon?" "Since he is not actually divorced, this girl must be a hussy dating a married man." So I would say, look as little like a hussy as possible, and be prepared for their ambivalence. Good luck! -- Fibermom
ReplyDeletesee, i just don't get it, stuff like this.
ReplyDeleteit's ok for hetero people to get married and divorce however often they want and it is completely normal and reasonable and well, quite frankly, socially acceptable even...
but it's NOT ok for gay people to do the same???
oh yeah, that's right, it's about protecting the institution of marriage or some utterly anal notion or such.
yeah, whatever.