If you've been reading me at all for even just a little while, you probably know two things about me:
1. I need to lose weight.
2. I don't really do "inspiration." Not in the traditional ways. If you find my being totally, brutally honest here in any way inspiring, that is wonderful and I love it and yay! for Invisible Internet Friends. But I have no religion of any kind, I'm not spiritual, and I'm not really self-helpy. Oh, I explore my inner-workings as much as the next blogging navel-gazer, but mostly I make fun of myself and the world around me.
If you were to read me and think mostly I'm kind of ridiculous, you would be correct.
But I have been a fan of MissBritt's for a really long time, and she wrote something a couple days ago about Doing [Her] Scary Thing. And she caught me off-guard. I must have been in the right frame of mind or openness of heart or I'm not even sure what -- this "inspiration" thing is out of my comfort zone -- but I think that's what happened. She inspired me. (THAT BITCH.)
Wanna know my scary thing? I'll tell you. Actually, no, I'll SHOW you. Probably. Maybe. Maybe. Probably. But hold on, wait a sec.
Here is half of it:
I started doing Medifast in the spring of 2010 because it is an easy-but-serious weight-loss plan and I was serious about losing weight, finally. And it was working (when I followed the program, which I mostly did) and then a bunch of dumb things happened at once that threw me off-course and then I got pregnant.
It's now a year-and-a-half AND A BABY later, and I'm ready, again. This is the last time. This is the final frontier. This is my "now or never" moment. I am done having kids. And after spending the last three years pregnant or recovering from being pregnant, I am primed to get down to a normal size.
We can discuss my actual goals and stuff later.
This is about my scary thing.
Inspired by Britt, I made a video.
I made a video. Of me. Talking. And showing you my body. And saying THIS IS HOW MUCH I WEIGH.
I just sort of...did it. One take, mistakes and all, just to do it before I talked myself out of it.
But I haven't posted it anywhere because that is the scariest thing I could think of to do. To really show you me. After all these years. Chubby cheeks, jutting butt and all, telling you how much I weigh.
My thought is that I will vlog -- YES I SAID VLOG -- this whole weight-loss thing. If I can be brave enough to tell you the whole truth. To show you the whole truth.
I want to, but I'm scared. I don't even know of what, exactly. Will you think less of me because of how I look? Will someone comment that I'm fat? (Duh. And how could that POSSIBLY be surprising?) Will sharing my "number" take away something? (How could it?) Can I, someone who has been hiding from cameras (and untagging photos on Facebook) for YEARS really put it all out there? For really real?
I...I'm close. But I need someone to push me off the ledge.
*By the way, this isn't meant to be a baiting post. I really just want to hear that I'm not totally crazy from someone who isn't my husband (who thinks I might be a little crazy).