Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Ugliest Hair On Television

Updated at 10 p.m. on 3/26/11:

WAIT! If you have just arrived here for the sole purpose of yelling at me and telling me how horrible I am and how wretched my post is, please read this first:
  1. This is a HUMOROUS blog. I spend about 99% of the time making fun of people who are ME. That is because I confidently embrace self-deprecating humor, which I occasionally spread to other folks who are probably also totally capable of handling it, a la Ms. Vincent and her hairband.
  2. ANY post that uses Jerseylicious and Mr. T Infomercials as a source of reference does not deserve your anger. It is misplaced.
  3. That would be like prefacing a post about a celebrity's fashion failings by showing you pictures of my bright pink Crocs. I have absolutely NO BUSINESS writing about fashion. OR reality television. That is the whole point.
  4. Still, cakes shouldn't be plugged in.
  5. I am not a cake hater. I WORSHIP cake. And not only do I not hate cake, I don't hate people who make cakes, or people who judge people who make cakes. I KNOW I do not have amazing cake-making skills and I do find them impressive and creative and artful. I don't get why you would make a cake into Marge Simpson, and I don't get why you have to have an artificially stern judge be all mean about frosting, but that's not the same as hating.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Let's move away, now, from the controversial parenting topic of pancakes to the topic of fugly, fugly hair.

I don't like to be outright snarky on my blog, but sometimes? Sometimes I have no other choice. This particular matter has bothered me for some time, and bad hair is only about half of it.

Naturally, I'm talking about The Food Network Challenge and its terrifying judge with her terrifying hair.

She has never smiled like this on television.

I do not understand.

Now, let me put this in the right context. Not only do I generally LOVE reality cooking competition shows, I fully embrace a lot of pop culture stuff I can neither explain nor justify. Case in point: My outright obsession with Jerseylicious.



See also:
 ANTM...

Jersey Shore...

Britney Spears...

glitter nailpolish...

and infomercials...

(especially those starring Mr. T).


But the Food Network Challenges that revolve around competitive cake-making absolutely baffle me. I just don't get it, not even a little bit.

 Is that a CHISEL?

Maybe the other shows have spoiled me, but shouldn't a competition about cake be about whose cake tastes the best? And okay, sure. If you want to add a category for whose cake looks the best, i.e., the most appetizing and pretty, go ahead. I get that. That makes sense.

And sometimes, that's what the Food Network Challenge involves. 

WINNING!

But a competition about whose cake looks the most like a Disney character? Or which cake is the most functional? That's not what a cake is supposed to be. A cake doesn't need to spin or smoke or move in any way. It's...it's CAKE.


Please don't misunderstand me: I think the cake-sculpture people on these shows are amazingly talented and creative and I couldn't do what they do in a hundred years. But why CAKE? Why not take your amazing sculpting abilities and make things that aren't frosted?

I mean, if pressed, I get the whole Ace of Cakes thing some of the time. I get making grand cakes for grand occasions. Sure.

But a cake competition where how the cake tastes is barely a consideration just makes no sense to me at all. I don't want to have to plug in a cake. You know?

[for some reason I seem unable to find photographic evidence of a mechanical or plug-in cake;
it's as if they KNOW and are embarrassed...]

So.

The first time I discovered this world of competitive mechanical cake-making existed, I stared squinting at the screen for quite a while. "I DON'T GET THIS AT ALL" I announced probably 700 times.

And then we met the judges. And that's when my bafflement shifted to full-on WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THE TELEVISION? mode.

Because while these poor, exhausted, stressed-out competitors (are they bakers? pastry chefs? artists? sculptors?) are up against the most nonsensical odds for a cash prize of $10,000...

 
...the judges are mean. Or at least, this one judge is mean.




Her name is Kerry Vincent. And it seems like it's her entire schtick to be stern and angry and condescending and judgey-judge, and that makes even less sense to me than the competition itself.

Lady. You may have tremendous credentials, but you are judging the depth of frosting on a SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS CAKE. I'm pretty sure this means you're allowed to show up at your job drunk and topless.

Stern is ridiculous.

And but back to my original original point.


Her hair. What is going on with her combed-down, sprayed-into-submission, headband-from-1987 hair? I mean, yeah: I recognize that her look has become her trademark -- she is the stern judge with the over-tight headband -- but that doesn't make her popular, or marketable, or appealing in any way. It makes her the scary-for-no-reason judge with no fashion sense, who has a weird job on a weird show.

Nope. I don't get it.

Do you?

97 comments:

  1. I don't get her hair, her schtick, or the entire show. I am also baffled by the fierce cupcake wars. Cupcakes are so cute. Why do so many angry, sleeve-tatooed women go into the professional making of them?

    If you really want to be entertained by cake, go here: http://www.cakewrecks.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't stand her, but I totally get the cake competition (hence the name...). While ultimately a baker should be concerned with the TASTE of their cake, working with sugar is an art in itself and can totally suck you in with wanting to know the ins and outs and to create all the beautiful things others are coming up with. It's addictive. I used to do cakes but finally I realized it wasn't fun anymore because I was too stressed out about perfection (that I'm sure no one else could see).

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kerry is a very beautiful, knowledgable woman! There is a story behind her headbands and you should research your subject before writing hateful hurtful things. She plays a part on TV... it is her job. She is a warm loving person who just happens to be talented enough to provide constructive criticism to contestants. Do not try to make yourself appear wonderful by trodding upon other's feelings. Shame on you!
    Bonnie... a friend and fan.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The mere fact that you admit to LIKING Jersey Shore, in MY opinion proves to me you have no taste at all! It is obvious that you have extremely low self esteem, otherwise why on earth would you post such a hateful thing about someone you don't even know, and someone who has done nothing to you!! Bottom line is.. if you don't like it.. DON'T WATCH IT!!
    Desiree.... a friend and fan.

    ReplyDelete
  5. this was tremendous, thanks for the laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, I don't like to be outright snarky on my comments, but sometimes? Sometimes I have no other choice....

    Ugliest hair? Are you kidding me?? Just about every actor and actress in Hollywood has had "uglier" hair than this at one point or another. It's all opinions and who are you to make such a bold statement? I think Pink's hair is ridiculous but I'm not writing a blog about it because I'm not the fashion police!

    As for this statement:
    "...why CAKE? Why not take your amazing sculpting abilities and make things that aren't frosted?"

    Why NOT cake??? Cake is happy! Cake is the way most people celebrate the most memorable and amazing moments of their lives. Why not make it into art? Yes the art is perishable but the memory of that cake will last forever and there is nothing wrong with that. It seems to me that you are insulting everyone who chooses cake decorating as a career choice. It's like discrediting football and everyone who plays the sport just because you don't understand why they enjoy playing or why people like to watch it.

    So, you can just go watch your trash list of "pop culture" and leave the cake competitions to people who appreciate art and a judge who is honest, beautiful, and tells it how it is.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow..get a life..Kind of pathetic that you have to attack people for their hair or the work that they do.I do agree the pay for the competitio is pathetic for a big network, but you need to see you can be as pathetic for this type of criticism..

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anyone can sculpt a piece of clay or wear their hair like everyone else. Not just anyone can make a piece of art that tastes amazing, looks amazing and get it done in 8 hours. Not just anyone can go out there in front of the best bakers in the world and tell them how it is and do it looking however they damn well please. Bakers know what they are getting into when they go on FNC and they do it willingly and everyone watches. What is to get? Millions of fans can't be wrong. You are what is wrong with the world. People who just tear down others simply because you don't like their hair band. WTF is wrong with you? At least Kerry offers herself, her friendship, her help and yes her opinions to those who ask rather than just writing nasty blogs about how she just doesn't get polka dots. Get a life and do something worthwhile.
    Elizabeth...A baker and a fan

    ReplyDelete
  9. A Blog is a Blog is a Blog! Any, and I do mean ANY asshole with an opinion can blog about their ignorance. Some are more clever than others. If you can dish it out, you must take it, in return.

    This post is about hair on TV????? You take a person who plays a role on a Cake Show and demean the whole art form, as well as, all of those sugar artists who are asked to create "show pieces" everyday by someone who simply wants to impress their loved-ones or friends?

    I'm embarrassed for you! The people who watch these shows, Food Network Challenge, in particular, do care about the taste of their cakes, and also have to put up with a very uninformed and ignorant group of would be clients that feel they should pay the same for a work of art as they would their local Wal Mart store for a sheet of super-sweet pre-mixed cake, onto which anyone can squirt "Happy Whatever!" You appear to fit into the group that would ask for a Huge cake in 14 flavors, with no extra cost, just to get the "variety" of flavors the bakery or cake artist., You'll want all the sugar flowers and, just to impress your friend with you, a hummingbird flying around those flowers. Then you'll ask what the cost would be. You're shocked that ANYONE could ask that for cake! After all you had a Easy Bake oven, and can make a cake! The purest example of ignorance.

    I know Ms. Vincent personally. I do know that Kerry will, and has, given more time helping others than you will ever attempt to do. She and her husband are the most caring and generous people on earth. She has helped raise the level of cake Decor to a whole new level and has helped any expressing a desire to learn.
    She highly recognized in her field, and was long before she appeared on TV. She's well-traveled and highly educated, straight-forward, honest and caring.

    Lest you think I'm one of those blind TV junkies who are star-struck, I'm highly educated well beyond the collegiate level. No, not a Doctorate in Bullshit, but certainly with more education than you appear to possess.

    You miss the point that Kerry plays the villain on the show, as she is required to do. Yet you seem to adore senseless twits who play on other reality series, abuse themselves into re-hab, and revel in their miserable lives. You, My Dear, are a prime example of what's wrong with many of our youth today, all talk and no brain, with which to create those thoughts. You express them on your blog, code for: "I can't talk publicly, so I'm going to hide online and vent to cover my embarrassment for a lack of the basic social skills."

    Art comes in many forms. Most require the use of your hands for something other than typing on a computer keyboard while in your Jammies.
    DO NOT knock the artist for his/her medium and materials. Is graffiti art? I'm sure you'd say yes. It gets washed away after time, but many consider it an art form. Cake and sugar are the materials of the sugar artist. Their creations are eaten by the thousands daily. Your series of type-written words expressing YOUR opinion, are neither art nor consequential to the well-being of society.

    As I'm certain you have no sense of guilt when you hurt someone, or insult them, I expect these words I've written will fall on blind eyes as the would fall on deaf ears had you the courage to vocalize your ignorance in person.

    You are dismissed!

    ReplyDelete
  10. whoa. people take their cake super seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think you are right on ... I don't get it either.

    And the hair? FUGLY times ten!

    These people who are leaving hateful comments on YOUR blog ... on a clearly tongue in cheek post should be shamed.

    Relax people ... and get a life.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Damn K, you must have been picked up on a pro-1987 hair forum or something.

    I, personally, agree with you 100%. Except for the bangs. THOSE ARE HOT.

    ReplyDelete
  13. THE CAKE PEOPLE ARE UNPLEASED. YOU HAVE ANGERED THE CAKE PEOPLE. YOU WILL PAY. IN CAKE.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow!

    At first I thought the commenters were overreacting for the sake of comedic reaction, but the more I read, the more it seemed to be true, seething, RAGE.

    Folks, it's satire. You'll be okay. I SWEAR YOU WILL! Also, there were no personal attacks on the character of Ms. Vincent. I'm sure she is a lovely person who does many wonderful things. Of course she plays a character on TV. Cake, hair, clothing, dog shows or the summer shore; reality television (ALL television) is about the producers making money and villans are always good money.

    Perhaps the true villan her is Ms. Vincents stylist. Maybe you could direct some of your anger over there.

    -Kristie
    (Who, while cute, is having a bad hair day AND can't post via her Google ID for some reason.)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Is "you are a dismissed" a catch phrase or just how a series of typewritten words? I won't venture to say what constitutes a competitive endeavor on reality TV (they have to be running out viable competitions) but you don't have to be snarky, misanthropic or lacking a life to notice that this woman's hair is attention-getting odd. Why should that matter? Well, in a perfect world, it wouldn't. But this woman has decided to live (and make a living) part of her life on TV, in front of the public, JUDGING THEM. So if we happen to notice that her hair is beyond sister-wives'-on-the-compound unflattering, well, it's our prerogative to at least wonder how it ever made it out of the makeup room and past the shows' hairdressers. Kristy didn't say this woman is a blot on society, or that this post was meant to improve the well-being of the world, but you know what? It made me laugh == not at Ms. Vincent, but with all of us who are suddenly -- thanks to reality TV, cake-making competitions, YouTube, Facebook and all that jazz -- right in each other's faces, unable to ignore the absurdity of it any longer. Art does comes in many forms, including criticism. This hilarious post, in which Krissy mocks her own appetite for reality TV filler, is just that == a critique of a show put on the air for consumption. If Ms. Vincent is, as you intimate, playing her villian role well, then she'll be happy to have sculpted her hair into its supporting role.

    ReplyDelete
  16. am willing to bet that all the angry comments originate from the one & only president, secretary and chief bottle washer of the Kerry Vincent Fan Club

    and like you I don't understand extreme cake decorating contests - would NOT want to eat a cake after all that manhandling and really, what's the point of cake if not to eat??

    ReplyDelete
  17. ZOMG
    You have truly angered the Cake Bots or are they the Kerry Bots?
    Either way, I used to LOVE the cake competition shows, but they recently changed the host to some dimwitted damsel and because of her I no longer watch. Same thing with Cupcake wars, I love seeing all the different savory cupcakes they made but the idiot of a host has maade me remove it from my dvr.
    If you want good Kerry TV and by good I mean awful, there is one decorator out there who ABHORS Kerry so much she once made a monstrosity of a cake and said it was her tribute to Kerry.

    ReplyDelete
  18. ' You express them on your blog, code for: "I can't talk publicly, so I'm going to hide online and vent to cover my embarrassment for a lack of the basic social skills." '

    Said Anonymous.

    Who's hiding behind their computer!

    Does anyone else find it comical, as well as difficult to take seriously, that the haters are primarily anonymous?

    ReplyDelete
  19. I thought this post was the funniest thing I read all week. Until I got to the hilarious anonymous comments. Are you being blog-punked?

    ReplyDelete
  20. you better take out some insurance, girl. You have angered the cake troll!

    ReplyDelete
  21. i'm addressing the displease cake/kerry vincent fans...
    seriously? seriously???? a) it's a lighthearted post about television, hair, and silliness. b) to anon 6:38: what is the legend of the headband?

    christ on a cracker, people! calm down.
    -noelle

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is straight up amazing. The post, the rage. Hilarious. This from someone who lists Food Network under religious views on Facebook. Cake is so much more serious than I ever knew. Kristy, have you seen Food Network Humour? I feel as though they're your kind of awesome people!

    Love your blog...Adding Kerry Vincent to it just made my life!

    ReplyDelete
  23. HOLY CAKES! Those comments are serious!

    Personally, I thought the post was brilliantly hilarious and I nodded in agreement for the entire read.

    I love that the Mother Cakers were posting as anon and accusing you of hiding behind your blog, lol. Come one peeps, get a life and lighten it up a bit. I think you're Kerry Fan Club headbands are on too tight.

    Linds

    ReplyDelete
  24. Kerry has all her headbands special ordered through the millinary department of Fortnum & Mason's in the UK. They are hand made for her and if I am not mistaken, they are the same designers who makes those gorgeous hats for the royal family. The tale of the headband is that she was going to a formal function and wanted to glam up her hair so instead of opting for an ostentatious tiara, she chose a sparkly golden head band. After this appearance, it became her trademark and she is not allowed on the FN set without it. People are disappointed if they come to see her speak or see her at one of the largest cake shows in Tulsa, which she organizes and runs with a skeleton staff every year, if she is not wearing her headband. She does not wear it at home or to the movies or grocery store. It is a prop people... do you make fun a ladies who wear large hats to church too?

    I know for a fact that Kerry read this post and although she let it roll off her back as the price you pay for celebrity, I needed to let you know that things like this hurt people unnnessarily. She has never gotten the big ego or trampled anyone beneath her. She is just a nice lady who is enjoying her moment in the spot light... so why not let that light shine for her?

    I know most of the posters above me. We are not rabid fans of Kerry, nor are we troublemakers. WE are just asking that you look at the person behind the celebrity and see how your remarks could damage them or their careers. Kerry is our friend and we felt compelled to protect her like you would protect a cherished family member who is being attacked by a bully.

    You owe this lovely woman an apology.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Have you looked in the mirror lately? If cake decorators wore their hair like you we would all have "Hairy Cakes". Remember when you point a finger at a person, 3 fingers are pointing back at you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. And the hits just keep on coming!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Kristy doesn't owe anyone an apology. She didn't say the judge was a horrible person who drowned kittens. She said her schtick was to be the mean judge (which, true) and she has weird bad 80's hair (which, also true). The things said to Kristy by the Cake Posse have been far worse than what she said about the judge.

    Never mind that I have a real problem with food being used in competitions like this. People in the world are starving and we're using food for entertainment. It's a dreadful commentary on our society. Even worse than bad hair.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ohmygod! You crack me up. I think the angry comments make this post even funnier. Only you...

    ReplyDelete
  29. Wow. There sure are a lot of angry cowards who love KV and have oodles of time on their hands. or maybe just the one who needs to get a life.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Are you sure these angry commentors are not all the same person? There is no way that many angry comments would be anonymous! NO WAY!!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I think your post is fabulous: everyone has a right to an opinion! I agree totally on Kerry's hair, HOWEVER I HAVE indeed seen her smile on the show, but I think only once. :)

    I LOVE the cake challenge shows. I compare them to doing an extreme sport. Riding a motorcycle "the regular way" is enjoyable for some people, but some people prefer trying to jump over 20 cars while riding a motorcycle. Some people like to jump on a trampoline with the safety guard around it, some people like to jump off of a cliff with no parachute.

    Anyway, I think the angry comments are ridic. Those people need to eat more cake.

    ReplyDelete
  32. My favorite part is all of these people leaving long angry comments on a stranger's blog (a blog that, if I'm not mistaken, has led to several career opportunities) and telling YOU to get a life. If Kerry can't take some good-natured ribbing/confusion about her appeal, she should turn off google alerts for her own name.

    ReplyDelete
  33. You seem like an educated person, why write something so stupid?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Actually, Kerry readit, shrugged her cute shoulders and moved on. Her friends read it and became enraged that you would have the audacity to say even one negative thing about this kind woman. Did you know the reason she keeps her hair short is because she and her husband fly their plane for Angel Flights? They go at the drop of a hat to transport critcally ill people to hospitals for emergency treatment. She has no time to mess with her hair! That is why it is kept short and tidy. Like someone said in an earlier post... do your research before ridiculing an innocent person.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Kristy, you meanie mean mean person! Don't you know that Kerry Vincent slakes the thirst of the homeless with her tears and then wrings out her headbands to produce loaves and fishes for their sustenance??

    One more time, cakerazzi: It's satire. We take your word for it that Kerry Vincent is the second coming of Jesus, but that doesn't change the fact that her hair is a little odd. Also, being baffled by a cake competition is not a declaration of war, but a declaration of... being baffled by a cake competition.

    For the record, I'm a huge fan of Kerry Vincent's (for real), which is all the more reason why I wish someone would help her update her look. But that's just my opinion. It is also my opinion that Kristy is hilarious and someone needs to start distributing chill pills here in the comments.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I agree that the cake show has gotten ridiculous. It is more like a highschool shop class than bakery. It is like, what can you build from lumber, wire motors and pipe and then cover up with suger dough and sculpt something on top of all of it.

    But on the other hand, why attack the lovely refined lady judge? So she wears her hair shorter than is fashionable and plunks her trademark hedband on it. She is always attactive. Her makeup is age appropriate and she has maintained her figure. I understand that she was a model in her younger years and she must have learned a lot about how to carry herself and present herself because she has a regal presence about her. I smile and have leacherous thoughts when I watch her. I hope her husband reads this and comes looking for you! But I also hope he does not read the part about me lusting after his wife and come after me with a gun!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Being a mature woman, it is hard to find a hair style that is modern but does not look silly. Her hair appears to be thin, which would make a longer hairdo just lie lank. Mrs Vincent could use a softer, more flattering hairdo. But her face is so beautiful! It would be a shame to call attention away from those flashing eyes and onto her hairdo.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Kristy,
    You are right about cake shows becoming stupid. It is not entertaining anymore to see talented people make outrageous cakes that will be thrown away because they are unhygenicly prepared. It WOULD be entertaining to see them use their talents to teach their viewers new techniques so that they would feel confident in trying to decorate a cake. Perhaps make them design a cake with out fondant or gumpaste or limit the number of cake tools they can use. Make it a challenge of thier talent. Like on Iron Chef when they give them a mystery ingredient and they have to think on thir feet. Give the cake contestents a 3 tiered cake, a bucket of buttercream and a choice of two tips. THAT would be a challenge of real cake decorating. Sculpters,mechanics,plumbers and construction people need not apply with your home depo stuff. Just pure cakes and cake talent.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Ok, I highly doubt the woman read this darn post. And seriously, there are plenty of celebs who do good in the world and get slammed daily way worse than this blog post (which isn't even awful). So, it is what it is.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Oh hell. You UNLEASHED THE BANG HOUNDS.

    Also? Greeblemonkey's comment made me pee a little.

    (But not on cake, anonymous folk. BECAUSE CAKE IS SACRED.)

    ReplyDelete
  41. What is WRONG with you people?! This is a blog post, get a GRIP.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Angry commenters, please understand you are sounding absurd and crazy.

    Kerry Vincent plays someone mean on television, and I am commenting about the mean person she plays on television. If she had a different character name on the show, like, um, Very Kincent, I would refer to her character's name. I would say VERY KINCENT IS A MEAN JUDGE AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE HAVE TO MAKE CAKES INTO CARTOON CHARACTERS AND THEN SUFFER THE RIDICULE OF STERN MS. VERY KINCENT.

    This has nothing whatsoever to do with who the REAL Kerry Vincent is. I don't KNOW who she is off-air (it sounds like she's a wonderful, kind, and giving person!)…but that's not what this post is about! I am writing about the show. THE SHOW.

    On THE SHOW, Kerry Vincent The Judge is MEAN and she wears her hair in a very unflattering manner. Does she have gorgeous hair in real life? Probably, but how would I know? How would that impact what the show portrays? She is absolutely an attractive woman! That ALSO has nothing to do with this post.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Monica, Celebrities have people who monitor the press and internet for mention of thier client's name. They direct their client's attention to sites such as this to see what the public is saying about them so they will be able to defend themselves in future interviews. You can bet your bottom dollar that Mrs Vincent has read this and although she claims she is ok with it, she is a normal human being and you know she is hurt. Nobody likes to be made fun of in public. Go pick on bad people who deserve some crap in their lives. I have Ms. Vincent's private email if you care to apologize to her yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Kristy, I think maybe you should write about chocolate chip pancakes again. Or maybe about how moms who don't breastfeed are sub-par parents or that kicking puppies is a totally acceptable and fun form of entertainment. You know, something less controversial.

    In other news, those comments are dancing on the line between funny and downright creepy. Sheesh.

    ReplyDelete
  45. THE CAKE PEOPLE ARE STILL ANGRY. PREPARE TO BE FROSTED. FONDANT. IN A NICE SHADE OF ROBIN'S EGG BLUE WITH PERHAPS A BIT OF MAUVE ACCENT THROWN IN.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Wow. I'm not even sure what to say. I thought this was so funny & certainly not an attack on Ms. Vincent. Sheesh, people. Take it easy. Kristy, HOW DARE YOU ANGER THE CAKE GODS? I don't quite get the point of the competition either. Sometimes it's interesting, but mostly? Not.

    ReplyDelete
  47. All these people have really given way more thought to Kerry Vincenet, her headbands, and what an AWFUL person you are, than I ever would have thought was practical, Kristy.

    This made my morning. Really.

    ReplyDelete
  48. What? You didn't get an email about not angering the cake people when you signed up for a blogspot account? I got a whole lesson.

    Check your junk mail. It really is valuable.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Love the post but loving the comments more. Thanks for the laughs!

    DUDES CHILL, it's not like she kicked a kitten.

    ReplyDelete
  50. This post made me hungry. I want a f#$%ing piece of cake. I don't give a shit about the frosting depth. Hide a headband in it, for all I care. JUST BRING ME CAKE.

    ReplyDelete
  51. I can't type anything because I'm laughing too hard. Someone must have pissed in the cake people's cheerios. Or maybe in their fondant?

    ReplyDelete
  52. OMG. I'm dying. THE CAKE LADIES ARE SO ANGRY!!!!

    BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Who the F is Kerry Vincent? The way you're all talking about her it's like she's famous or something. Because only people who put themselves in the public spotlight are fair game for ridicule. Oh ... wait. Yep, let's just tick that box.
    Hey Julie, pass me some cake too babe. :)

    ReplyDelete
  54. I just laughed hysterically all the way to the bottom of the comments. Oh my gawd. I can't even breathe now. Make the cake people more angry, Kristy. Do it again. Do it again! (I want a cupcake now.)

    ReplyDelete
  55. Oh my word! :) I thought this post was hilarious. And then I got to the comments and really thought it was funny. Seriously people? Seriously?! The author was obviously being witty, not hurtful. I, for one, love these cake competitions. I don't know what it is, but I always get sucked in. My husband thinks it's ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Dear Ms Vincent- please stop leaving anonymous comments on this blog. At least have the courage to ridicule the writer openly.
    When one becomes a TV personality, one opens themselves up to criticism. It's the nature of the beast.
    I enjoyed this satyrical post very much.
    The hair is bad. Unfortunate, but true.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Wow. Just... wow.

    Lessons learned:
    1 - Never criticize someone's hairdo
    2 - Especially if they play the 'mean' role on a TV food show

    I wait with eager anticipation your forthcoming post on how nice Gordon Ramsey's hair looks.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Wow--some people just really need to get the cupcakes out of their butt and lighten up. Seriously people. No...seriously. It's a freaking cake show-not the Queen of England (although I think you should make fun of her hair too.) As far as Jersey Shore, it is my guilty pleasure also, so I can't be dissing on that. Maybe when Snooky grows up, she will wind up judging a stupid cake show too.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Ok, this totally reminds me of when I was recapping The Hills (back in the DAY, years ago -- man I'm getting old) and wrote very, very negative things about one Ms. Jen Bunney. (I'm sorry, she totally sucked.) And a few of her little friendos from USC commented things like "YOU DON'T KNOW HER! SHE'S A NICE PERSON! YOU'RE PROBABLY UGLY!" And I was like "Um, CORRECT, sorority girls! I DO NOT know her. But guess what? She's on a reality show. I could give two craps whether or not that's the 'real' her. She wants to be on TV. She's an adult. So she's gotta deal with it."

    Let that be a lesson, Kerry Vincent (who?) fans. She choses to be on TV. She's gotta deal with it.

    ReplyDelete
  60. And by "choses," I mean "chooses." Jen Bunney's sorority sisters might be correct if they accused me of having too many typos.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Bossy has fallen and she can't get up. She'll tell you how much she loves this post when she recovers.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I think we should get to the real issue, which is that icing kills brain cells. Clearly.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Man, the cake people are still frosted about this!

    ReplyDelete
  64. I don't get these shows either. I saw one where the winner was a monstrosity that was supposed to represent The Nutcracker ballet...I had nightmares. Thank goodness I didn't publicly air those opinions...oops.

    If you receive any unsolicited cupcakes ... Hire a taster.

    ReplyDelete
  65. I have never understood the cake thing. I think we even talked about it last time saw you when we were flipping through the channels. And yes, the judge's hair is weird and ugly.

    I think some of your commenters are forgetting what a blog is. A blog is basically one person expressing their view of the world. In other words, their opinion on things. Things like cake and hairdos. Or whatever. You can agree or disagree with the opinion itself, but to disagree with the idea of a blogger HAVING an opinion is silly. Because this is a blog.

    I'm at the bottom of a triple margarita so I hope that was coherent.

    ReplyDelete
  66. OMG. The comments are satirical brilliance as much as the post. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  67. "She has no time to mess with her hair. That is why it is kept short & tidy."

    The teenaged me from 1988 can tell you, with all confidence, that those bangs do not just happen. They must be carefully nurtured with a curling iron & lots of Aquanet. I used to have to get up an entire hour early for school to achieve that look... so don't tell me she doesn't have time to spend on her hair because she's saving cakes in Africa. That 'do takes mad time & skillz.

    Btw- I've never seen this show or read this blog before- but this post & it's comments are hilarious & you just won yourself a new fan.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Oh god, this was one of the funniest things I've ever read. Kerry Vincent fans really need to get a grip. THE EMPEROR IS NAKED!!! Her hair looks like shit. She may be a great person, but the two things are not mutually exclusive.

    ReplyDelete
  69. This post was hilarious, and the commenters are really just the icing on the cake.
    (ba-dum ching)

    ReplyDelete
  70. Who would have thought Kerry Vincent had so many fans? So many anonymous fans at that. How many of them have the same IP address I wonder....

    Kristy.. wtf are you apologizing about?

    ReplyDelete
  71. I just read this to all my work colleagues and there are tears TEARS everywhere.

    You made my week Kristy.

    You cake-hater, you.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Holy Christ, MAN, I could have guessed that a post about children and food would be controversial, but these are grown people up in arms because you called out someone's less than desirable hair style? On a show about designing and decorating cakes?? WTF?

    WHERE was the outrage on Billy Ray Cyrus's behalf when the mullet went out of style (or further into mockery, whichever.)

    Man oh man, that is a lot of rage.

    Dear cake fans, Kristy is allowed to say that this show is ridiculous. She is! She's allowed to say, I like cake, but why are they adorning delicious beautiful cake with bizarre characters? And further she is allowed to say that the persona of a judge comes across as mean, and that her hair style is bizarre, and it is not a slight on the actual person who plays the mean judge on TV.

    From Christine
    An IIF and fan, of this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Now you've gone and pissed off the cake people! You will likely wake to vicious slurs sprawled across your front door in fondant. Run!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Wow. Just...wow. The level of anger in this room is insane.

    This is my new favorite blog, for what it's worth. Mom101 sent me here from Twitter and I'm so glad she did. I've often thought those very thoughts about Kerry Vincent's schoolmarminess (schoolmarmocity?).

    ReplyDelete
  75. Come on, poke the cake people some more...I like seeing them riled up!

    Maybe if you apologize like her minions are requesting, she'll reward you with a headband of your very own. And then you'll find it has magical powers....and makes unicorns come to your house...and pots of gold drop from the sky.

    Just sayin'...that would be pretty cool.

    Megan

    ReplyDelete
  76. Dude.
    In this comment section you got GREASED AND FLOURED.

    You were CREAMED like butter and sugar.

    You got a SPATULA RUN ALL AROUND YOU.

    And you got put on the RACK TO COOOOOOL.

    PS. Whatever you do, don't go for the knitters next. They carry NEEDLES.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Momo Fali - it isn't the icing, it is the dye in the icing that kills brain cells. And I am pretty sure that the penalty for angering the cake people is to be slathered in icing, made to look like Marge Simpson and put on top of a giant cake in the town square.

    ReplyDelete
  78. I present to you....plug in cakes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkgeTwt4VRg

    Now that's nuts.

    ReplyDelete
  79. @the new girl - high five for the knitters comment. I LOL'd.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Every time I see you from now on, I'm going to think "Hairy Cake." Best. Insult. EVER. LOLOLOL. ;D Hilarious post!

    ReplyDelete
  81. Wow, take a breath people. In, out, in, out.

    Now proceed to getting lives instead of going off on someone who was clearly just being funny and playful.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Maybe she and the Donald could get together to create a hideous hair dynasty that revolved around elaborate hairspray and combing rituals interspersed with mean comments that always ended with YOU'RE FIRED!

    Or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  83. This is beyond hilarious. The post itself? Totally love it. But god, the comments?! WHAT THE FUUUCK?!

    Horrendous hair is horrendous hair. Period. Celebrity or not.

    ReplyDelete
  84. All I can think about now is how badly I want a piece of cake. Damn diet.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Congratulations- you clearly have a lot of readers. And just so you know, I'll be very disappointed if you ever change YOUR hairstyle on this blog. In fact, I think you should sign a contract stating you will never appear on this blog with a different hair style. Unless you are able to get these special headbands from London. Put in a clause that says that.
    I want a piece of cake now, too, and I'm not even craving sweets these days....

    ReplyDelete
  86. CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Apparently no one has posted a controversial breastfeeding/car-seat/co-sleeping/etc post in awhile since it seems like all the insanity has popped up on a clearly satirical, made me laugh out loud literally post.

    Gotta love it...

    ReplyDelete
  88. The post is hilarious. HI LARIOUS. However, even funnier? The mob of cake defenders who are beating down your door to stand up in the name of all that is true and good in reality tv baking against people who point out hairstyles that appear to have fallen out of an Oktoberfest brochure circa 1988.

    SCANDAL!!

    ReplyDelete
  89. Laughing. Dying laughing.
    And kinda wanting to know: So how do you feel about CAKE BALLS???

    ReplyDelete
  90. WOW - I can't believe the controversy this whipped up!

    Mir @ 7:01 had the best reply - I "like" it :)
    made me LOL

    ReplyDelete
  91. I hereby proclaim this the best blog post of the week.

    I also proclaim the comments to be the best comments in blogland...ever.

    ::bangs gavel

    ReplyDelete
  92. Woah, there are a bunch of crazies out there. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. If she's not really like the character she portrays on T.V., then she should be happy that she does her job so well that people connect emotionally to her character. At least enough for them to have and express their opinions. However, if she IS like the person she portrays, she may need to spend some time on inner reflection.

    P.S. I also wonder if these comments came from the same crazy or a bunch of different crazies..?

    ReplyDelete
  93. I'm an avid foody channel watcher. I've seen many of the cake shows we're talking about. My impresion of Kerry Vincent is she's sort of sour puss on TV. And the hair is bad. Regardless of why it needs to be short, she could improve her style. Look at all of Oprah's bad hair styles. Oprah can even admit it!
    The problem for Ms. Vincent is she's put herself out there in the public eye to be critiqued herself.
    If you can't handle the heat, she should get out of the kitchen.

    ReplyDelete
  94. I've been gone awhile but this freaking funny cake business has me cracking up and looking forward to more Kristy!!! And cake!

    ReplyDelete
  95. Great writing! Yes, Kerry is dreadful, mean, uninspiring. Your writing is inspiring.

    ReplyDelete