Dear Ms. Kerry Vincent: It's Not You. (It's Not Me, Either.)

I find it impossible to believe that my post below has in any way hurt your feelings.

I find it even more impossible to believe that you've read it.

Regardless: I'm a bit taken aback by the fury the post has wrought, especially because the character you play on television IS that of a stern judge who many contestants DO seem to fear. Your role IS to be mean. And, your hairstyle is befitting your character: it IS tight and tidy and old-fashioned. It is NOT flattering, nor is it meant to be.

I have not said these things to be cruel. I have issued no attacks on you personally. I am not petitioning Food Network to stop you and your evil ways. I just don't, um, get it?

I don't happen to enjoy the "mean judge" character (or her hairstyle), nor do I understand its necessity. But there are obviously many aspects of the entire competition I don't understand. This is also not cruel to state, ESPECIALLY since my judgment is that of someone who wears pink Crocs and watches Mr. T infomercials.

So, to all the angry fans who are like, "WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?" I restate: I'm someone who wears pink Crocs and watches Mr. T infomercials.

Now, it is quite obvious from the folks who have commented below that YOU are nothing like your "mean judge" character in real life. You are kind and giving and thoughtful and you do great charity work and you smile all the time. All of this is wonderful to hear.

But my post has nothing to do with who you are in real life. (I don't know who Mr. T is in real life, either. I sincerely doubt he actually likes the FlavorWave THAT much.) And anyway, the WONDERFUL person you are off-air doesn't change who you portray on on-air. Nor does it change how I feel about who you portray on television.

Right? I mean, please tell me that you know the difference between my poking fun at the show and your character on the show and my making any personal attacks on you. Which I absolutely did not do.

(You must know that my suggestion about showing up for work drunk and topless was intended as a compliment. Hello? DREAM JOB.)

Meanwhile, I feel I should point out that your fans do NOT seem to understand the difference between you on tv, you in real life, or what on earth this blog is about. Not only have your fans taken personal offense to my characterization of your television persona -- even though it's accurate -- they have also personally attacked me. They've accused me of being unaware of "the real you" without having taken a moment to read about who I am or what I blog about. I've not made a single personal statement about your character, but I have been called an asshole, stupid, ignorant...there was even the one guy who wrote, "I hope her husband reads this and comes looking for you!"

So, here's the thing.

If your friends and fans want the world to see you as the kind, generous, charitable, fun-loving, sweet, and beautiful woman you are, then I would recommend you cease portraying the opposite on television.

Barring that, I would recommend that they learn to understand the difference between your on-air persona (mean, hairband) and off-air persona (not mean, nice hair) AND recognize those of us who are capable of making that distinction.

Further, if you wanted to petition The Food Network to do a show about "Kerry At Home" I would be happy to lead the charge. I'd TOTALLY watch a show about what Kerry Vincent does when she lets her hair down.

As it were.


  1. Heh. Drunk and topless.

    Still gets me.

  2. Okay wowza! I read that post yesterday but didn't comment because I had no clue who this Kerry person is with ugly hair. Apparently I am really missing something since she is so awesome that her friends have read your blog that carries your own personal opinions and felt the need to comment. Apparently this lady is so awesome that she googled herself, got to your post, read it, and then had all of her "fans" comment about how mean you are! Uh, when did cake get so interesting that people get their panties in a wad over an observation about a woman who "judges cake" as a profession and her hair?
    Now THAT I don't get.

  3. Well Kristy I hope you've learned your lesson about expressing an opinion on the internet! OPINIONS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!!! Especially opinions on tv characters. SERIOUS BUSINESS, YA'LL!!!!

  4. Isn't that what this whole SAHM business is about? Drunk and topless?

  5. I agree with love.

    1 - I, being a lover of all that is food competition shows (and well, bad reality shows in general. We could dish for hours about Jerseylicious), agree that the PERSONAE she plays on the particular show is mean and wretched.


    2 - that is not a commentary on the PERSON. (see what I did there? I dropped the "AE".)

    3 - Sorry you had to explain the differences between "characters" and "real people". I love reading your blog because it's your quirky humor and things that strike you as odd. I wish I'd realized sooner the hulabaloo was going on but I read you via RSS.

    4 - I welcome more "that PERSONAE" is mean posts.

    Much loves from the opposite coast.

  6. My favorite comment from the Kerry Vincent Protection League comment storm was the one that assumes all "celebrities" read all of their press mentions. And then the commenter said, "You bet your bottom dollar" and I died, because I bet that person also wears a headband and does something for a living that requires them to be stern. Which is probably why they are in the Kerry Vincent Protection League to begin with.

  7. I'm glad you wrote this. I don't often discuss all of my blog reads with my husband because he really could care less, but I went on a 20 minute vent about this one! I've been reading your blog for years & know what it's all about, and I felt protective of you, just like Kerry's friend's obviously felt for her. I wanted to have a chance to write to them telling them how awful they were for personally attacking you for humorously commenting on a character their friend played. Seriously!

  8. At first, I was all "why is she writing this post?" because when I read the previous post, there were only 2 comments, both of which obviously understood your blog tone in general.

    Then WOWSER at the cake people.

    FTR, the only reality TV I watch is the news. I'm so not the demographic for reality TV - I hate watching people look foolish via editing.

  9. Well, thanks for giving me something to do on a Sunday evening. I just had a lovely time reading through all of the comments on your last post. Got a great laugh, and am just so thrilled that I am not a crazy cake fan who takes life so seriously.

  10. THIS. IS. AMAZING. Perhaps we should discuss something less controversial like, breastfeeding, religion, politics, oh my...

  11. sounds like some people have their hair wound too tight...

  12. I loved this so much I wrote about it.

  13. For what it's worth: Apparently you are not the first thing that comes up when Kerry Vincent googles herself, or herself plus her headband; but there is the FB page. So there's that. Ridiculous.

  14. Opinions are like....yeah, you know what I mean! I think the point is that unless you're someone, and with someone I mean Charlie Sheen (or someone like Charlie Sheen), you're not allowed to have an opinion about others. Those are the rules. I'm sorry!

  15. Can we revoke the blogging and blog-commenting rights of people who don't get it? Wait, I guess that would be wrong.

  16. Thanks for the lolz Kristy, the anger that you drummed up with so little effort is ASTONISHING. Congrats girl.

  17. Big giant new reader.

    K now do Donald Trump.

  18. Can't we all just enjoy a cake? Or a headband? Or a cake made in the shape of a headband?

    LOVE your blog, Kristy! Always have, always will!

  19. How come they all signed their comments thusly: "A friend and a fan." Whose friends were they -- yours or Kerry Vincent's? Whose fans were they? I don't get THAT.

  20. I love cake, I also love reality shows (Shhh, don't tell my coworkers) but I completely agree with you about not getting why there has to be a mean judge on them. I can't believe that people got on you about your opinion. It's an opinion. Yours. (Really, also mine. But whatevs) Maybe there's a worldwide shortage of chill pills?

  21. I've just found your blog, it is FAB. I cannot believe so many knickers were knotted over a headband.

    Next up, tell them you bet the cake really tastes horrid under the prize winning icing, they'll implode.


  22. The interwebz is one big populatiry contest, eh?

    I'll tell you one thing, you can tally up one more in your faithful reader count and Ms. Kerry Vincent has one more frenemy- for having obnoxious and humorless friends, obvi.

  23. I read a lot of blogs and never comment (shameful, I know!), but I had to leave a comment on yours. I just spent the majority of my work week working (and by working I mean reading your archives), and I just want to say I'm a huge fan.

    Huge fan.

    And I think Kerry Vincent is scary and her hair is awful.

    A friend and a fan (of She Walks!)

  24. OMG, so funny! And then the label, as the crowning glory!

  25. (And by the way, long ago I criticized the narrator of a book I was reading. I criticized him AS A CHARACTER. The author emailed me, dead furious, taking all those attacks as if I meant HIM. It was hard for me to believe that a published author didn't know the definition of the word "narrator," but evidently it was so!)

  26. your on the right track ..maybe sometimes opinions needs a debriefing but I guess you were not doing it personally its just the art of blogging that other don't understand

  27. Please come back, all if forgiven: well there was nothing to forgive.... some people are just way too serious all of the time!

    Love the offending blog, classic

  28. Great post. Now I'm gonna hafto google Kerry Vincent. I don't know who the heck she is.

  29. Kristy
    I have been following you for years. Dude. You are a freak magnet. NO ONE finds themselves in the middle of unintended controversy the way you do.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with it. But it is oh so entertaining for the rest of us.

  30. Ha! I read this before and since I don't follow the cooking shows much and had never heard of this one (or Kerry Vincent), I thought, "Gee, Kristy is right-on. That woman's hair is old-fashioned and looks odd."

    Having no POV wrt to her behavior as a "mean judge" on the show I just read it and moved on, disappointed that K hadn't posted anything new in quite a while (but then again, it's been literally years since I posted to my own blog), totally oblivious to the comments (until now, obviously).

    It's always amusing when people come out of the woodwork to "defend" someone they perceive as being "attacked," when it's clear they're clueless of the backstory.

    You keep doing your thing, Kristy; it's why *I* keep coming back. :)

  31. K, I had never ever heard of Kerry Vincent or competitive cake-making (without cable, I'm clearly missing out on the cultural signposts of my generation), but this is awesome. You have a new fan!

  32. On an older blog I had I talked once about how stupid Air Guitar competitions were and posted a picture of that year's winner of some world-wide air guitar championship that was held in Sweden. Somehow the girl in the picture found the post and ripped me a new one. As hard of a promise as it was to keep, I vowed to never again write about the idiocies that are air guitar competitions!

  33. It might be great if someone over there asked Ms Vincent what her real name is, might reveal a few rattley skeletons in her cupboard.

    I knew her years ago in Perth WA, believe me, she is not who she pretends to be.


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