Lady Bits!!!

EDITED! SEE BELOW!

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You were right and I was stupid.

But first, an update about the dress.

The answer is: No. I did not wear the dress over the weekend. But before you get all mad and/or disappointed in me, hear me out.

On Friday afternoon after your lovely comments poured in, I went upstairs and decided to put the dress on. I was feeling good, and assured, and ready to commit to wearing the damn thing.  So on it went, and then I decided to look -- really look -- at myself in the mirror.

And as much as I wish I could give you a sweet, heartfelt story about how that moment was the beginning of my owning my better-but-still-changing size, it was not. I cannot.

Instead, I have to tell you that it's a VERY good thing I decided to put the dress on again because I had never looked at it close up before and hadn't, therefore, realized that it doesn't actually fit me.

I mean, I can get it on and buttoned. But the part of the dress that buttons across my waist? It's tight. So tight that when I'm just standing in the dress, it pulls the fabric between the buttons into concave ( )'s.
 o
( )
 o

Like that, kinda.

And maybe you're wondering how I didn't notice this before? Well, okay, that's a fine thing to wonder.

The reason is because when I am wearing the dress, I can't see the part of my body directly below my boobs. (Let's be honest: unless I'm leaning forward, I can't see my feet.)

So my big booby lady bits got in the way of my noticing the dress didn't actually fit my waist after all. SIGH. (I guess I never looked long or hard enough in the mirror to notice, either.)

You can bet there'll be an update once I DO manage to fit into the dress.

MOVING ON TO WHY YOU'RE RIGHT AND I'M STUPID.

Remember how I was all, "Should I try a spin class?" and you were all, "OUCHY! NO! IT'S HARD AND IT WILL HURT YOU!" Guess who didn't listen.

Yesterday I decided on a whim to try my gym's "Intro to Spin" class. I figured it would be like, Spin Lite. Maybe there would be other overweight people in the class who were also afraid of trying a full-blown spin workout. Maybe, I thought, we would bond. Maybe the instructor would be kind and gentle and encouraging.

Or? Maybe "Intro to Spin" should be called "Spin For People Who Want To Fit All The Insanity of Advanced Spin Into 30 Minutes."

There was nothing "Intro" about it, except for its 30 minutes-ness. There was no kindly, welcoming instructor. There was no explanation of how to do things we were barked at to do. There were zero overweight people in the class.

And holy God, but oh my oh my OH MY LADY BITS OOOOWWWWW.

Those seats are super incredibly painful. What in the wide world of workouts were people thinking? Why is this done? Why is this okay? When did everyone become completely nutso?

I will grant that maybe it's because I weigh more, but really? I am supposed to balance my entire body on my, shall I say, "inner bum cheeks"? Because short of balancing on a curtain rod in mid-air or kickboxing while sitting on a bathroom plunger, I can't really think of anything less comfortable.

I lasted 20 horrible, excruciating minutes and then I gave up. I just got off my bike and walked right out of the room.  I then waddled, looking as bowlegged as someone who'd just been horseback riding for two weeks, to a recumbent bike, sat my big butt down in it, and finished off the 30 minutes.

Water Aerobics

Hip-Hop Dance

Intro To Spin

What's next...?



P.S. You'd better believe I am soooooooooore today. Any workout class that makes sitting this unpleasant is off my list for good.

EDITED TO ADD...

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I feel I need to clarify two things.

1. The part that hurts isn't a muscular hurt. I mean, yes, I am sore from the whole 20 minutes (+10!) that I did in class, but that's fine. I like the muscular hurt. That is a good hurt. 

The hurt I mean from spin is a bruising, painful hurt. It was so uncomfortable during class that I was nearly brought to tears and today, two days later -- after only 20 freakin' minutes -- it still hurts to sit. Not muscle hurts. LADY BIT HURTS. BRUISED hurts. 

 

Oochie in my coochie hurts.

Maybe some folks can come away from class feeling bruised and think that's fine -- all part of the "no pain, no gain" rule book.  I get that. But no. Not for me. I don't mind some pain, I don't mind out-of-breath, I don't mind sweating, I don't mind having to push myself to get the workout done.  That, to me, is different from verge-of-tears pain. Bruise-y pain is not something I will want to go back and do, even if eventually it won't hurt as much.  It's just not worth it to me when there are so many other kinds of exercise out there.

2. I have lost weight and gotten in shape before in my adult life.  I remember what it was like and I know what kind of work it takes. BUT.  I've never taken exercise classes before. This is a new frontier. 

I just want to make clear that I am not clueless about -- or new to -- exercise. I am just new to classes.