"Advertising On Facebook Doesn't Work"

I thought about maybe running an ad on Facebook for Promtacular!

I did some research and decided that it's a little early to go that route, especially since so many sources I read suggested that advertising on Facebook doesn't really work.

And then I couldn't help but notice the ads that DID come up while I was bouncing around doing regular Facebook-y things.

Um?




I may not be a professional copywriter, but I'm pretty sure that the phrase IF YOU DIED TODAY is not considered "good" marketing.  Not even for a funeral home. 
But in case you weren't horrified by the copy, they go and add an image of a devastated child. 
Message: You're going to die and your child will be left with nothing unless you click here.
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer website advertising that doesn't put a price on my own mortality. Especially while I'm happily planting cartoon strawberries.
(I also think there's a subliminal message in this imagery. Namely: You need life insurance because when you die, which could be any second now, your child will need that money to outfit his GIANT feet in special-sized shoes.)


Here's another fantastic ad.






Oooh! Me! I Want to Become a...Police!

No, wait. No. On second thought, I Want to Become a SWAT! Yes! That's it!

Oh, hmmm. This is hard. Instead, maybe I should become a Manager! I want to manage! Things! People! I don't care! Manage! I can Manage!

To be honest, I don't know what site this ad leads you to, but I can't imagine one singular place on the face of the earth that can train you to be "a" SWAT, and a MBA, and a Police. Amazing!

Also, I love that "Bounty Hunter" comes right after "Child Caretaker."

If this is a school, it's got to be one helluva place. With um, lots of guns and shouting and helmets, plus with kids crying and obstacle courses and also paperwork and spreadsheets. Try not to confuse the Child Caretakers with the SWATs.


I love that to make their point even more "colorful," they use little illustrated icons. Like, you can tell that becoming "a MBA" is important because the illustrated non-face-having person next to the file folder is wearing black. 
Lastly, I show you this, albeit reluctantly:

GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

This woman IS THE SCARIEST WOMAN EVER ILLUSTRATED. Forget clowns. Clowns used to be scary. Now I wish sweet Bozo was the only nightmare fodder in my life.

Instead, the new millennium has ushered in entry-level artists making minimum wage creating ads for Facebook and they are sick, sick people. I'll take a demonic clown over this nightmare any day.

Seriously, come on. WHY do her eyes have no pigment? Why is her smile too large for her face? Why do her lips look like they're bleeding into her skin? 

WHAT DID LOWER MORTGAGE RATES DO TO THIS POOR CREATURE?

You tell me Facebook ads don't work? 

I believe it.

If you happen to catch a worse (or equally bad) online ad, please send it to me...or at least tell me about it. I'd love to collect them.