Tuesday, April 20, 2010

"Advertising On Facebook Doesn't Work"

I thought about maybe running an ad on Facebook for Promtacular!



I did some research and decided that it's a little early to go that route, especially since so many sources I read suggested that advertising on Facebook doesn't really work.

And then I couldn't help but notice the ads that DID come up while I was bouncing around doing regular Facebook-y things.

Um?




I may not be a professional copywriter, but I'm pretty sure that the phrase IF YOU DIED TODAY is not considered "good" marketing.  Not even for a funeral home. 

But in case you weren't horrified by the copy, they go and add an image of a devastated child. 

Message: You're going to die and your child will be left with nothing unless you click here.

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer website advertising that doesn't put a price on my own mortality. Especially while I'm happily planting cartoon strawberries.

(I also think there's a subliminal message in this imagery. Namely: You need life insurance because when you die, which could be any second now, your child will need that money to outfit his GIANT feet in special-sized shoes.)



Here's another fantastic ad.







Oooh! Me! I Want to Become a...Police!

No, wait. No. On second thought, I Want to Become a SWAT! Yes! That's it!

Oh, hmmm. This is hard. Instead, maybe I should become a Manager! I want to manage! Things! People! I don't care! Manage! I can Manage!

To be honest, I don't know what site this ad leads you to, but I can't imagine one singular place on the face of the earth that can train you to be "a" SWAT, and a MBA, and a Police. Amazing!

Also, I love that "Bounty Hunter" comes right after "Child Caretaker."

If this is a school, it's got to be one helluva place. With um, lots of guns and shouting and helmets, plus with kids crying and obstacle courses and also paperwork and spreadsheets. Try not to confuse the Child Caretakers with the SWATs.


I love that to make their point even more "colorful," they use little illustrated icons. Like, you can tell that becoming "a MBA" is important because the illustrated non-face-having person next to the file folder is wearing black. 

Lastly, I show you this, albeit reluctantly:





GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

This woman IS THE SCARIEST WOMAN EVER ILLUSTRATED. Forget clowns. Clowns used to be scary. Now I wish sweet Bozo was the only nightmare fodder in my life.

Instead, the new millennium has ushered in entry-level artists making minimum wage creating ads for Facebook and they are sick, sick people. I'll take a demonic clown over this nightmare any day.

Seriously, come on. WHY do her eyes have no pigment? Why is her smile too large for her face? Why do her lips look like they're bleeding into her skin? 

WHAT DID LOWER MORTGAGE RATES DO TO THIS POOR CREATURE?

You tell me Facebook ads don't work? 

I believe it.

If you happen to catch a worse (or equally bad) online ad, please send it to me...or at least tell me about it. I'd love to collect them.

19 comments:

  1. My favorite facebook ad are the ones customized to you "free pink macbook testing 20 yr old college students needed!"They must be talking to me!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahahahahahaha! She is pretty scary! I am always worry that if I click on one of those ads I will get some sort of virus!

    ReplyDelete
  3. A rare moment for me. I'm left speechless. Probably scary woman. I mean WTF?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes, facebook ads don't work because they are the worst. They're illustrated spam. Possible explanation for the last ad - The scary lady is actually a vampire and since everyone loves vampires and low mortgage rates, they will click on her.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I get a lot of ads for wedding photographers and wedding planners. I've heard that those are somewhat successful since they aren't the ugliest thing ever. I agree with Kat though, I not only am not tempted to click those ads, I feel they might break my computer if I do.

    ReplyDelete
  6. She looks like the product of a one night stand between a lizard-like alien and a demonic clown. **shudder** can't imagine the virus you'd catch from clicking on that ad.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I used to get these creepy ads for some weight loss thing showing animated shrinking and expanding muffin top. Naturally I was a little offended.
    On the other hand, I found out about Modcloth.com through Facebook and they have gotten quite a bit of my money as a result.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I keep getting ads talking about miscarriages. I am not pregnant and have never had a miscarriage, but I hope to be pregnant at some point in the near future and I have to say I would appreciate it if the dire miscarriage warnings would go away.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The ads on facebook are horrible. I wish I could make them disappear.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your commentary made me laugh to tears. Who produces these ads? Probably people who want to be a MBA.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Long time reader, first time commenter with the zeal of the recently converted Firefox user . . . as much as I would like to see hilarious blog entries like this continue, it's possible to get rid of Facebook ads if you download either the add-ons "Ad-bye for Facebook" or "Feed Filter".

    ReplyDelete
  12. I agree with Amy! I have tears in my eyes right now from laughing so hard. I have never really noticed these adds on facebook, but I'm sure they will be there EVERY TIME that I log in from now on! Thank you for pointing them out! lmao

    ReplyDelete
  13. OMG these are terrible! I'm gonna pay attention to them more just for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You make me chuckle! Somehow I manage to be oblivious to ads online. I just starting noticing them as I am teaching my boyfriend how to us the PC. He's easily distracted by them... Especially on Facebook. I'm always like " if you click on that the world will end! Put your blinders on!!!" Oh yeah and I find the muffin top one very odd indeed!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. long-time lurker, just wanted to know if you've fixed the promtacular site yet since it was hacked? since you were writing about putting up ads, i figured all was fixed, but i just went to it and my computer automatically tried to jump to binglbats.com and then it froze and told me internet explorer was being shut down for my own good. or something like that. the same thing happened to me when you said your site was hacked, so i'm guessing the evil has struck again...... anyway fingers crossed it all gets fixed soon. good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think you have your next blog/website, Kristy!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am a staunch advocate of the AdBlock Plus add-on for firefox, which kills almost all online ads.

    However, I do notice terrible facebook ads whenever I use a public computer so I need to advise you to add "The Book of Mormon" to your favorite books. The ads this triggers are priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I've noticed some rather scary ads on Facebook also - one is about trying to complete your college degree and it has this rather old, grumpy, scary looking man - the photo does not match the ad at all!!

    ReplyDelete