It's Hard Not To Blog About Being Pregnant After A Chatty Doctor Spends An Hour Glazing Your Entire Belly With Weird Gross Ultrasound Jelly Lube

I'm just saying.

Yes, an hour.

Probably if I was one of those pregnant ladies who did things like Read About What To Expect or wahteverthehell, I would have known what I was in for. But I'm pretty much staying away from the Message Boards of Terror, and books of This MIGHT Go Wrong! because I am just a little predisposed towards hypochondria, and reading about all the things I could/should/might be worrying about doesn't help anyone. In fact, it makes me miserable, and stressed, which can't be good for the baby, and then Ish has to spend all his time at work explaining what do you mean you don't think she has a heart, how could she not have a heart? Remember how she was moving around and kicking and stuff? You need to have a heart in order to kick. Yes, I swear.

But so that's just it. I went into this appointment with a different sonographer who swept the ultrasound wand thing over my belly, prodding and poking and studying the screen for a full hour. He was very chatty about non-baby-related things, and when it was all over, I got about five ultrasound photos which are still entirely undecipherable to me.

The good news is that she seems to be okay. I mean, not that the sonographer is allowed to tell us anything, but she was very active ("It looks like she's riding a bike!" and "You should call her 'kicky'" he added) and we saw all four limbs, so I can at least put that fear to rest.

Of course, I have to go back because she was too moving around for him to get a good look at her heart or, um, lips.

In other pregnant news, the bump is finally starting to show.

Also, Pregnancy Brain has set in and I cannot concentrate on anything. Except maybe donuts.

* * * * * * *

Ish got two fancy knives for Christmas. They're "Shun: Bob Kramer" knives, and the two of them together cost more than my entire set of cookware. They are amazing knives and I am psyched that we own them, don't get me wrong, but I also find it amusing that these knives alone seem to make Ish want to cook more often, more elaborately. And I secretly think that Ish kind of dressed up to use them.

* * * * * * *

I Tweeted this earlier (I'm on Twitter @kristysf / Ish is there @Ish), but this is the kind of thing that goes through my head as I'm trying to fall asleep:

You know Billy Mays? The living, breathing incarnation of ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME?

Do you think if Billy Mays were a grammarian, he would endorse OXYMORONS!?

* * * * * * *

Thanks for people who are contributing to the discussion about what video games I need to look into. I will keep you posted if/when I find something awesome.

p.s. I have a MacBook and a Wii.

* * * * * * *

I hardly ever write about porn.

As I also Tweeted recently, if there's one thing I've learned from watching amateur porn, it's that people have really, really ugly furniture.


  1. Did I miss the part where you revealed that the baby's a girl?

  2. For the Wii, MarioKart is much more fun than I expected - especially since I can play with my friends across the country. :-)

    An older computer game you may like is Black/White. (yes, it's available for Macs. It's what I played it on.)

    My sister (20 weeks) and also a great friend of mine (11 weeks) are pregnant. It's fun to get the frantic musings at 12:30am over gas vs baby problem.

    "Did you eat green peppers or olives? You did? At the same time? You'll eventually toot and feel better. Yes, I'm sure. They both always give you gas. Yes. Always."

  3. So the bump is starting to show eh? and no pics?

  4. Maybe they keep the nice furniture for just sitting on versus the furniture they get it on on. I'm thinking that no one wants to sit on the porn furniture after it's been used, which would be such a waste of nice furniture.

  5. Although Travy Elaine might be on to something, I tend to think that maybe there is something about "making amateur porn" and "taste" that just don't go together. Which would preclude the whole furniture thing. Or maybe I'm just being crabby and judgemental.

    I'm glad things are going well, and that you are telling us about it. oh, and I'm pretty sure babies need donut vitamins every now and then.

  6. Two things: when I was pregnant, both times, I worried about crazy, rare birth defects. I was pretty much terrified when, during my second ultrasound, I couldn't see any arms. I was CONVINCED my first son would be born with NO ARMS. Seriously? Yeah. He was perfect. So, I totally relate to the fears that run through your mind.

    Also, if you do want a book that is hilarious and fun to read while pregnant, I suggest The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy (or something like that). It's not scary at all and will make you laugh out loud. :)

  7. I'm sure the baby's lips are fine :), and all the other parts too. And I had my girls years and years ago, pre internet, (Thank God) and the BOOKS scared me, so I say no reading and no internet for pregnancy worries.

    A weird suggestion, but my daughters (teens) LOVE the Nancy Drew computer games--you have to solve the mystery, and they aren't easy. Ebay is a great place to find them.

  8. We used to refer to that series as the "What to worry about when" series. It could paralyze you! But kicking is good!

  9. LOL @ the ugly furniture comment! I thought I was the only one that paid any attention to the background!

  10. You are so smart to stay away from those message boards and books. I swear, women get some kind of twisted pleasure from telling their gory labor stories. Ugh.

  11. Do you mean ugly furniture, or ugly "furniture", wink wink nudge nudge? Because I've noticed that, too.

  12. About Ish and the knives - some female comedian already explained it: "Men love to cook if there is danger involved." Sounds right to me. :)

  13. I'm so glad someone else is annoyed by Billy Mays. Did you realize that they replaced him as the ShamWOW guy with someone else who doesn't yell nearly as much?
    I'm also disturbed by the fact that Billy Mays seems to be the replacement of Ron Popeli (spelling?)

  14. Wii! I have a wii, and I really like the Trauma Center games. They've got plotlines (a little too much talky-talky), but it's neat and you get to do surgeries on people, but it's not really gory or graphic anything.

  15. I loved that line about the furniture. It came right before I saw Etta James pretend to blow a mic.

    My eyes!

  16. Hey! Glad to hear pregnancy is going well. Come by and pick up the award I gave you today!!!! Hope you're well!

  17. lol for the p0rn comment. Hah!

    Good for you in avoiding the preggo message boards. I can tell you, as the friend of a hypochondriac, it was a very very long nine months for me ;-)

    I had a hard time staying patient after the umpteenth time of saying "your baby is fine" when my pregnant friend had consumed a little bit of conte cheese. She drove me mad mad mad.

    I realise that it sounds very insensitive on my part, but I'm pleased to say that her baby was born perfectly normal (no conte related deformities) and is a regular chunk of cheezy grins.

    OOps. Maybe that's the side effect.

    I probably shouldn't post this because you might not appreciate it. I don't know you, but I have a feeling that I'll be back. Here via Bloggess's best comment of the day.

  18. www.2makeababy.com9:42 AM, August 18, 2009

    You are SO smart not to read all the horror stories out there. There are millions of them. Actually, the ones you hear from family and friends are usually bad enough.


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