Monday, December 15, 2008

You Don't Have To Read If You Don't Wanna

This flood of blog posts is the result of a lot of things. Mostly, it amounts to the fact that there is no longer dissonance between my personal life and the rest of my life, so I'm just oozing with all these thoughts and ideas that have been banging around in my head for two months (and in some cases, longer). I hope to keep it up.

And assuming I DO keep it up, I don't have any idea what all I'll be posting about, other than "my life." Which is what I have always posted about. Given the current set of circumstances, that will inevitably mean writing about being pregnant. That will also eventually (and Fates-willing) mean posting about the child I have. It will not mean changing the tenor of this blog. I will always curse and drink and totally over-share.

My point is, if pregnancy and child-related posts bore the shit out of you, then I guess that's my loss.

Right now, I am dealing with the fascinating issue of -- wait. Let me interrupt myself to paint you a real-time picture:

Right now, I am actually dealing with the fact that I just got back from lunch and am wearing some of it. I had to go to two different local establishments, because after I purchased lunch at the first place, I decided the smell of the food made me nauseous. So I went to a second place. I got back to my desk and opened my sparkling water and it exploded all over me and my desk. Then I dribbled salsa down my shirt. This following a bizarre incident with the microwave this morning where my coffee also exploded and I went to clean the microwave and then the door got hinged to my bra and I almost took off with the microwave dangling from my boobs. In the office. Usually I work from home on Mondays and now you know why.

But as I was saying.

Right now, I am dealing with the fascinating issue of gaining weight as a pregnant lady who is overweight to begin with. Regardless how you feel about Dooce (love her, hate her, don't know her), I think it's awesome that she's posting pictures of her growing "bump."

I will not be doing the same.

Between my first and latest doctor's appointments, I have lost about five pounds. However, none of my old pants fit me anymore and the weight I do have is all moving around and confusing me. Yes, confusing. Between eating more, eating mostly better, being very bloaty and gaseous (sorry, but true), and my uterus rapidly ballooning, I don't know what the hell my body is doing. I am losing weight and expanding, and, well, YOU try and figure that out. (I don't mean mathematically, I mean instinctively.) Last night I showed Ish my new "bump" and he was very sweet but also delicate in pointing out that the "bump" doesn't start out by forming there (just under the boobs), it forms lower, like around there (pointing to around my belly button). Meaning my bump was either gas from all the gourmet, low-sugar, non-caffeinated, non-artificial sweetenered sodas I've been drinking, or perhaps the result of 42 too many sugar cookies. Either way, not a baby bump.

Damn it.

But on the other hand, I look at it this way. Eventually my tummy will be protruding madly. And while many skinny pregnant women tend to freak out about that kind of weight gain ("I look so fat!"), I will be thrilled. Because I will have a huge tummy and it will NOT be from being fat, it will be from being pregnant. I actually think this will be a freeing feeling. I have never, ever wanted to show off my stomach -- even when I've been far thinner than I am now -- and yet now, when it's going to be fuller than ever, I can't imagine not wanting to show it off.

This new discovery almost makes up for the sudden lack of soft cheeses from my diet. Almost.

36 comments:

  1. I cannot WAIT for more posts about your pregnancy and baby. I already think omg I totally know what she means on about 95% of your posts, and as 20-week pg, just-walking-around-with-plenty-of-it woman myself, I so identify with the 'finally, a belly for a reason!!' thought. Also, btw, my bump started right under my bra at about 14 weeks, and I fully believe it's baby pushing everything else that's further down up, so it still counts. :) Health and happiness to both you and baby-to-be!!

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  2. Oooooh, 00Frog took my comment. When I was pregnant, my bump also started right under my bra at about 14 weeks, and I never really looked "pregnant,' as in that beach-ball look, more sort of "lumpy." I, too, think it was the baby pushing everything up. It was awesome. :)

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  3. Overweight and pregnant - been there and it IS totally freeing. Shopping was fun for the first time since -oh, puberty -- because the pants are made for a big belly. Oh, the joy! I actually still look at the materity clothes in Target with longing . . .

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  4. Psh, write about what YOU want to write about! Your personality and style and awesome sense of humor will shine through, whether you're writing about the contents of your kid's diaper or doing a drunk handstand and having to go to the ER as a result. (Heh!)

    Also, as someone who has been both overweight and underweight, and as someone who is also pregnant (almost 34 weeks, holy hell!), I want to encourage you to use this time in your life to be extra good to yourself and your body. Indulge in the foods you crave with gusto and marvel at your expanding belly (and, possibly, hips and thighs and ass), because you are going through something AMAZING!

    I'm glad you are excited to show off your bump, even if it's not to us (the Internet). Thanks for sharing and for letting us come along for the ride!

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  5. I am really interested in the experience of being an overweight pregnant woman. I am 35 and considering trying to get pregnant, but am so fearful of how I will be treated by doctors -- I don't want that to play a role in whether I decide to try to get pregnant, but I've had some bad doctors before who treated me crappy for being overweight - to be pregnant on top of that... ugh.

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  6. oh how I love soft cheeses...can't wait to read about your adventures, bump pictures or not, you're still hilarious and definitely worth the read :)

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  7. There is NO REASON you can't eat soft cheese! The only cheese you can't eat is stuff that isn't pasteurized, and pretty much everything sold in the US is pasteurized. You have to go completely out of your way to find UNpasteurized cheeses here.
    Also, being overweight and pregnant means that finding maternity clothes is for suck, more than finding normal clothes is. The internet is your friend...

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  8. Oh... and many, MANY women who start out the pregnancy overweight LOSE weight, especially in the beginning. I'm still about 10 lbs down from the beginning... that is probably from the severe morning (all day) sickness I still have at 5 months along, but since babe is growing just fine, I'm not fighting it.

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  9. I was the "skinny girl" who always had low self-confidence and self-esteem, despite my "skininess." However, when I was pregnant, I felt AMAZING. I had never felt better about myself. I loved my new body and the fact that it was CARRYING LIFE and BREEDING LIFE and NURTURING LIFE (so much better than being a size 0, trust me). You are going to love growing into your new body and the fact that, HOLY CRAP THERE'S A BABY IN THERE! I'm so excited for you!

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  10. Gah...I guess I'm the last to know, but congratulations and you are off on a way different adventure now.

    I'm so happy for Dooce. I read her blog, but she hasn't a clue who I am. I really enjoyed the one tonight about the sib for Leta.

    My children are grown and one has a child of his own now. One will never grow up and the other is older than me most of the time.

    Congrats again on all the new life in your life.

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  11. My bump started in the same place, right below my boobs. I my universe it's a result of a growing uterus (and, you know, baby) pushing all that other stuff up and out of the way! So it totally DOES count. Yay bump!

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  12. I had a very similar conversation with a friend who was pregnant but already had weight on her to begin with. She was somewhat elated to have a reason to relish in her size, finally.

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  13. My cousin was pregnant with TWINS and was pretty heavy to begin with. She lost about 35 pounds during her pregnancy. And then another 15 after she had the kids (without breastfeeding, this was just running around like a crazy woman because she had to do everything two times).

    I've, on occasion, considered pregnancy as a great way to lose weight. Of course, I would have no idea what to do with the kid after I had it.

    JOKESJOKESJOKES!!

    Congrats and enjoy the bump!

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  14. I've been an overweight pregnant mom twice. I was thrilled to have a big bump. When people told me things like, "Wow! You're big!" I loved it while it would send my skinny pregnant friends into a tizzy of tears.

    I couldn't understand it until another overweight friend confessed to being relieved to be big for a good reason, too.

    Oh, and both times I was about 30 pounds lighter 4 weeks after delivery than before I got pregnant. But it always came back.

    Blog away about being pregnant. I bet you'll find new readers to replace those who drift.

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  15. you should totally blog about pregnancy b/c i doubt you'll have any time to write once the kid pops out!

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  16. Your blog, your topics :-) Love it!

    Also, you can eat soft cheese it just has to be pasteurized....and in the US, cheese has to be pasteurized by law. So unless you buy your cheese from some fancy schmancy European deli that deals in black-market-bacteria-filled-yet-delicious cheese, you should be good to go.

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  17. All of the people bemoaning your anticipated pregnancy posts can SOD OFF! I am excited to read about your eperiences and tribulations.

    I was an overweight pregnant woman, and all was well. It was a bit disheartening to see the word OBESE on my charts. I lost some weight in the beginning, and all told only gained about 20 lbs. Nurse the baby like mad and you'll probably lose it all in a few months. Not that I want to give unsolicited advice!! :-) Cheers to the two of you!

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  18. OK - I will accept your invitation to leave. There are far too many mommy blogs out there already squealing about their bump/peanut/baby.

    Even if your 'twist' is about an overweight woman gaining pregnancy weight - uh, no thanks.

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  19. Anon 9:51 -

    This isn't necessarily a question I expect you to answer, but why on earth were you reading this blog anyway? Nothing I write about is any different from anything anyone is writing about.

    To date, my main subject matter has been me (seeing as it's a personal blog and all), usually in self-deprecating form. Often about my weight, at least peripherally.

    Writing about being overweight is not my "twist," it's my life.

    I have nothing new to say about anything, no new subject matter at all. The only unique thing I can do is write about my life experiences from my own little perspective. I've never had a kid before, but then I'd never made a turkey before, either -- blogged about that, too. And believe me, if you don't find that interesting, I totally understand.

    I'm the same person and writer I always have been. If you don't like what I'm writing about, um, okay! But frankly, why you'd leave now is less baffling to me than why you'd ever read in the first place.

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  20. i need to add - i have loved your blog for three years, do not know you personally, have no intention of getting pregnant any time soon (or have ever been pregnant) and i have thoroughly enjoyed your posts so far and can't wait to read more!

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  21. I'm a single 30-something (a total cliche, I know) and I've been reading your blog since I came across it while preparing for a not-so-successful interview for a job at BlogHer. This feels totally geigh to admit, but the main reason I'm bummed I didn't get that gig was because I was didn't get to meet you, a fellow over-sharer with some junk in the trunk who hides from the cleaning lady.

    I'm a SUCKER for stories about women my age who are successful in finding someone to love so the wedding and baby and happy family posts will be a guilty pleasure!

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  22. K -

    I will answer your question, as I am a longtime reader of your blog -as in really long time; I remember the MeJane blowup.

    I read your blog because:

    1) you come across as very funny and truthful and self-deprecating

    2)you were writing about the single woman woes and your other problems. While the topics of some posts might not have been original (cats), you were yourself.

    3) AND yes, I realize you are still you, but somehow now writing about pregnancy and getting married is SO cliched and SO overdone, it is a turn off.

    4) referencing Dooce is a way that shows you might aspire to be like her is pathetic

    I thought your best posts were about your personal past, your mom, dad - things that are unique to you.

    Not well-written, I know. But that is my response.

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  23. Thanks for your honest answer, Anon. I will just reiterate that all I can do is write about my life. Seems to me that I've gone from being one cliche (single lady living with cats) to another.

    I'm not going to *not* get married and *not* have kids because writing about those topics might be considered boring. And I can't (won't) pretend that they aren't facets of my life, either. It'd be pointless to pretend that they're not there and don't matter.

    I think Dooce is a fantastic writer and I am mad with envy at her design skills, photography, and eye for style. I reference her because I respect what she does, and because I assume that many of my readers know who she is and read her as well. She makes a very good, successful living from writing honestly about her life, and I do find that admirable.

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  24. SO I stumbled on your blog a few months back and I've lurked ever since...never commenting, but always chuckling and enjoying the posts. I just caught up with your recent happy news of being pregnant and HAD to comment.
    First and foremost - CONGRATS
    And secondly, I found out around Nov 17 that I too am expecting my first child..due date around July 11th - give or take.
    I've always struggling with being overweight and I too can not BELIEVE the weird things that are happening to me and my pregnant body, especially the dreams..one word - crazy.
    So with that - keep on writing about it all, I'll definitely be checking in.
    Best of luck with everything

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  25. It's stuff like this that makes me both sad and glad that I do not work in the office. I'd never get any work done because it's so much fun to BE in that office.

    Also, your daughter needs soft cheeses. Don't cut them out entirely or she will hate you for it when she's 12ish. Just some words of advice from someone who has been there, done that - several times.

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  26. You just wait until you feel the baby start to MOVE! That was my favorite part about being pregnant.

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  27. I love your blog! And since you've recently been posting more, and even about your cooking adventures (one of my requests), I've loved it more.

    I'm not going to have kids, so I'll just live vicariously through you.

    Congrats!

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  28. I love your blog! Keep writing about your life! It is so entertaining! I having been trying to get pregnant for about 2 years now with no luck, so I am going to live vicariously through you....so don't spare any details!!
    To those of you who have negative things to say ...don't say them, it's Kristy's blog and she can write whatever she wants...I could see if you were paying to read this, but your not, so if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!

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  29. I am personally excited. I am a long time lurker, and I always am a little sad when you don't post your funny stories.

    P.S. Congrats- and forget the people who aren't excited!

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  30. Jeez...the last time I read She Walks you had posted about your singing group. Checked in this morning and, whoa! Anyway, I'm SUPER excited for more pregnancy posts.

    And thank you for thinking the way you do about the soon-to-come baby bump. I've got some rounded corners myself and I'm really worried about getting pregnant and gaining even more weight.

    Keep posting! Congratulations!

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  31. I am 29 weeks pregnant, and was already overweight pre-pregnancy. I love my pregnant body, especially once I got past that "Is she pregnant or just fat" phase (around 4-5 months). We went through a lot just to get pregnant, so I am enjoying all the changes in my body and am I glad I get to experience this at all. Yes, I am big (and I get told that ALL THE TIME) but it's for a great reason. You're right, it IS freeing. I don't even mind when people want to grab my belly, as long as they ask first. ;)

    I had a doctor YEARS ago tell me that I needed to lose weight because I was going to be miserable and unhealthy when I got pregnant. I'd like to find that guy now and kick him in the nuts. I feel great! My current OB/GYN has never mentioned my weight at all. At my 6-month appointment, I had gained about 20 pounds, which I worried was too much (for a fat girl), but she wasn't worried AT ALL. My fertility doctor did warn me that I would be at an increased risk of gestational diabetes, but I just passed my glucose test with flying colors. Being fat does not mean you're unhealthy, and I guess I'm lucky to have a found a doctor who gets that.

    As for your developing bump, get thee a Bella Band. I was able to use mine to continue to wear my regular pants until I was nearly 6-months along.

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  32. I was also plus sized and pregnant (to pur it delicately. Ahem.) and I felt the same way - it was GREAT to have a big belly because I was growing a baby, not because I couldn't stop at one or two nachos. I actually really liked being pregnant - for once people weren't judging me for being big, because you're supposed to big when pregnant!

    AND, I managed to lose my baby weight pretty quickly, because I was os paranoid about getting gestational diabetes (which, as a PS preggo, the doctors hammer into your head as a possibility), that I didn't gain much overall). Now, the fat girl weight? Still working on that. ;)

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  33. Well, I am new to your blog, but I have a baby and think it is great that you are having one, too! By the way, I LOVED my body(for the first time in my life) when I was pregnant.

    I just hate when people who want to be rude always log in as anonymous. You don't have to defend yourself, it's your blog!

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  34. Instead of posting photos of your growing belly, you could post photos of your face, smiling. Because you're, you know, happy.

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  35. I feel the same about my pregnant belly. I had a freak-out in the begining when I thought about gaining weight since I'm alread fat, but since then I've just been really happy to let the belly hang. I don't show it bare, though, because there is still "fat" and I have mad stretch marks, but under a shirt I'm all "look and my lovely bump!"

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  36. I am so freaking behind!

    Congratulations!

    Also remember where you uterus is. It's low. You have a baby bump...that might be helped along with some sugar cookies but you uterus doesn't move up into your rib cage until a little later. So be proud of that bump and don't explain it away with gas and sugar cookies. :)

    I am so happy for you and Ish. I've been reading your blog for a while and I'm just really happy that all of this is falling in line for you.

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