Wednesday, January 26, 2005

"Yay!"...versus "Aw, Man."

i did my best to avoid weighing myself for as long as possible, but last night after a couple cocktails (and the realization that i could pull my once-tight pants off without unbuttoning them) i decided to bite the bullet.

looks like i've lost about 8 lbs. in 15 days...maybe closer to 9 or 10. pretty darn good. i showed up at work on tuesday morning thinking "yay!"

but that didn't last. i got ahead of myself and forgot about the evil flip side. i forgot what it's like at the beginning.


the beginning is a bitch. it's all i can do to get motivated, to accept that this is a looooong process that requires changes in diet but also in habits, mindsets, attitude. but i DO accept these things. i start thinking of all the benefits. i start remembering what it's like to be thin. and then, i do the worst thing of all. i start envisioning myself as thin.

i get so excited about the first hints of weight dropping, i accidentally start thinking that i look totally different. i start thinking that 10 pounds is enough to make everyone on the planet notice how different i look. i expect the "ooohs" and "ahhhs" that come, eventually, with significant weight loss.

and then i show up at work, and no one says anything. and i go to the ladies' room and look in the mirror, and i am shocked, baffled, and disappointed.

i look the same.

and that is when i get discouraged. sure, it's great that i've made the first dent, but shouldn't 10 (#$#*(&%#) pounds look...umm...more something? garner at least a "you look different, did you do something to your hair" statement?

"aw, man." i know that i'm off to a good start, but it's hard to battle the reality that i've still got so far to go.

i just have to look forward to the day when 10 pounds is all i have left to lose. and, of course, the oohs and ahhs along the way.

4 comments:

  1. OOOOOOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Even if you don't "look different" now, you are changing. You are working on making your outside work with your inside, and you are already seeing the results of your efforts: For starters, a blog with more than one entry and several people who read it, plus once-tight pants that can slide off. And that's something to celebrate, isn't it?

    This is the part where you say "Yes, you're right." Because, I am.

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  2. i found your blog on craigslist and decided to check it out. i think it's great that you've made some progress so far. it just reminded me that i have to stay motivated myself. hang in there!

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  3. hey, thanks for the comments.

    i sincerely hope this comes across as fun to read and not just some self-indulgent b.s.

    regardless, thanks for taking the time to check it out!

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  4. Hi FBN,
    I (AKA Sublimation on CL), love your posts on the Kinkfo. I am in the same boat as you are and hear you loud and clear! Hang in there. It's so hard to keep at it when you want the pounds gone NOW! And I have that same thing where I feel my pants are a bit looser and I think I see a difference, but dammit, why doesn't anyone notice. Good luck to you.....

    Rock on! Fuck on!

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