That Time I Wrote About Sports And Penises

What Brett Favre is really wondering...

If I were to do a thoroughly thorough detailed thoughtful exhaustive blog post about sports, this would be it. Ready?

The SAN FRANCISCO Giants are going to the World Series!!!!!

First of all, I need to emphasize SAN FRANCISCO because I am from the East Coast and whenever anyone talked about The Giants they meant the New York football team and I spent a LOT of my first year in the Bay Area utterly confused about why San Francisco cared about a NY football team.

Anyway. The Giants in the Superbowl World Series is really very exciting because my husband spent the first part of baseball season moping and mumbling about the fucking Giants, much in the way he mopes and mumbles about the fucking 49ers and the fucking asshole Denver Broncos. Because he loves those teams very much.

Then all of a sudden the Giants started not completely sucking, and the next thing I know I'm learning about how there's this pitcher named Brian Wilson who is not THAT Brian Wilson, duh*, but who has this wacky dyed-black beard. Then Ish started teaching Eve how to say OOOOOOOOOO as in "Uuuuuuuuuuribe" and then Buster Posey and Cody Ross became household names. Like, in OUR household. And now Ish has not only grown his "playoff beard" but he's threatening to dye it black.

*"Brian Wilson? Like, well, not THE Brian Wilson, right?"
"Are you actually asking me if the Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys is playing Major League baseball?"
"Um, no."

So yay for the Giants! They seem like really nice guys and underdogs and they've distracted my husband from the misery that is loving those fucking asshole Broncos.

The OTHER thing I know about sports is this: No. I would never ask Brett Favre to text me pictures of his penis. But in the hierarchy of pictures of penises I've been sent -- and I've placed ads on Craigslist, so I have seen my fair share of penis pics -- his would have to rank top. You know?


  1. a) i too, questioned Brian Wilson playing major league baseball.
    b) what is a rally thong???
    3) one can never go wrong with journey.


  2. My best friend and I both agree that a penis picture is never a good thing. And that Brett is an ass for trying to cheat on his wife. Hasn't he put her through enough (addiction, rehab, etc.)?

    I'm a Cubs fan, but from living in Philly I will also cheer for the Phillies. I was bummed they lost, but more excited that the Yankees lost.

    Thanks for clearing up the dyed beard thing. My husband and I were watching the game on Sat night and asking WTF?

  3. *Everything* in this post answers the question, "Why do I love Kristy SO MUCH?"

  4. That has got to be the most awesome video on YouTube!! I am beyond excited that the Giants are going to the WS - I don't live in SF but it always feels like home when I'm there; something about the eclectic mix of people make that city great. I think the team of misfits picked up here and there along the way epitomize what San Francisco is all about. GO GIANTS!

    Oh, and I love it that you're teaching Eve Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuribe!!

  5. wtf? You posted ads on Craigslist asking for pictures of penises?

  6. Anon 1:15:

    NO! Absolutely not! I posted ads on Craigslist back when I was single-and-looking. They were perfectly normal ads with no mention of penises in any way, shape or form.

    And yet, in response, men would send replies with penis pictures. Sometimes they'd send just the picture. Sometimes they'd send a brief response with the picture. And sometimes they'd sent polite, friendly, kind replies...and for no known reason, attach a picture of their penis. (For good measure? I don't know.)

    My point is, this is a strange thing that men do that women don't understand. But I'm pretty sure none of the guys on Craigslist were Brett Favre.

  7. please tell me that was a typo and you didn't mean to say that those terrible photos would actually rank at the top of penis photos because what i saw claiming to be favre's were NOTHING special. downright sad, even.

    but back to this made me giggle. and since my pirates were beyond terrible this year (again) i have no loyalty to the world series so i will be all about happy for your #sfgiants. and ish's beard.

  8. Those fucking asshole Broncos broke my heart yesterday. The RAIDERS? Really? Really?

  9. Congrats to Ish! I'm mostly baseball apathetic, but I live in Philadelphia, so I'm usually glad when they lose, because it is less likely my car will be tipped over in celebration. :)

    And seriously, why is it that people are like, "Hey want to hang out sometime? Here's a picture of my flaccid penis to sweeten the deal." And really? Why are they so often at half mast? It's not the best look for the penis, you know?

  10. We must have saw different penis pictures - or Craigslist penises are really bad. I'm a huge football fan who used to like Brett Favre (before he became a whiny, brat who retires every 3 months) because he used to be an amazing player. Now he stinks this year and I can only assume that it's from embarrassment that people have actually seen those pictures! I've always felt bad for his wife for his past issues, but I wish she'd just go Elin on him. I think she said "faith" or something is getting her through this. Is Faith a type of wine??


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