Just one more thing...

UPDATE: Right after I finished this post, ANOTHER Christmas movie starring Peter Falk came on. This one involves Katy Segal and she and not-Columbo are both some sort of Angel-God-Santa characters, but it's tough to figure out on mute while paying mostly no attention. But I am mentioning this because, for some reason, Peter Falk's character decided to pretend to be a shopgirl and DRESS IN DRAG and what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't take a picture of my television to show you this Christmas marvel?

I feel like I've blogged this before, but when my sister and her boyfriend were in high school, they developed a certain way of saying this phrase. Basically, say it as loud and snottily as possible: 'TIS THE SEASON. Emphasis on 'TIS. This comes in handy when someone is especially rude to you while you're doing (or trying to do) something festive. Say you're somewhere Christmas shopping, and someone cuts you off in line, or blows past you as you reach for the door. 'TIS the season!

I'm not NOT in a festive mood, it's just that I haven't decorated the house or gotten a tree or any of those things. And while it's only December 2, I feel behind. Because one day behind soon becomes one week. You know.

So I'm debating how this blog entry will go. I could tell you about how I cried at lunch with Ish yesterday because of a perfectly happy friendly email I received. Or I could tell you instead about the amazing array of holiday movies on the Hallmark channel. As I write t his very sentence, Peter Falk is singing and dancing a jazzy Christmas tune with a toothy pre-teen girl in some horrible movie where Valerie Bertinelli plays her mom and works at a hospital and believes in a ghost. How these things are connected eludes me, and I'm going back to DVR'd episodes of Supernanny now.

But in case you weren't paying attention to my Tweets, I've also landed on a Christmas movie starring Steve Guttenberg AS THE LOVE INTEREST, who is marrying Crystal Bernard (who I always thought was totally hot, but man, she's had some work done) and somehow they're becoming Santa and Mrs. Claus.

Then there was the one that made me laugh right out loud for its horrible-osity, the one starring Candace Cameron and Tom Arnold, I'm not even kidding, and I LOVE movies that take place in office buildings written by someone who's NEVER had a corporate job. I'm always reminded of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion where they pretend to be businesswomen but get thrown for a loop when the waitress asks them what kind of business they're in.

In this movie where Candace is supposed to be a high-powered corporate woman, written in 2007 no less, she is showing a "client" a slide show but the projector she's using is one of those old-fashioned ones with actual slides and a carousel. Also, she is supposed to say "Celtic" like with a hard C, except she pronounces it like the basketball team and no one working on this movie seemed to know the difference. ALSO also, she uses the word "arithmetic" instead of math, which makes me think the person who wrote the script is not so much under the age of 65.

It also makes me think I should be writing these movies.

BUT THE BEST MOVIE ever is one starring -- I don't even know how to prepare you for this -- Jane Kaczmerek and John Denver. I KNOW!

Damn it. I lied. I didn't go back to Supernanny in time, and now Peter Falk is wearing a bushy mustache (he was facial hair-free last we saw him) hugging some guy. Maybe he's Santa? Or God? Or an angel? I'm just guessing here, based on how these movies go, but I'm keeping the computer mute. Poor Columbo.

* * * * * * * *

Yesterday I got the friendliest email ever from a woman helping manage Crazy Aunt Purl's virtual book tour. Seems our dear Laurie has written a second book and it's coming out soon and this woman wanted to know if I would like to review the book and interview Laurie (or have her guest blog). And of course, OF COURSE I would, happily, yes.

But ouch, too.

Purl and I started blogging at about the same time, had similar audiences and (I presume) traffic. We wrote about similar things: living single post-divorce, with cats and yarn. And wine. We even sort of look alike.

And here we are, nearly five years later. We are both in verrrrrrrry different places. It's amazing. I am happy with what I've accomplished and I'm thrilled with where I am in life. It's exactly where I wanted to be.

But -- and you know what I'm going to say, of course -- I can't pretend it doesn't make me envious that she's written two books while I can't manage to complete NaBloPoMo.

Yes. We have had different priorities, different paths, different goals, different experiences. And my goodness, I would never, ever say one single negative thing about Laurie, who is still my favorite blogger.

Some of the comedians who started their stand-up career at the same time Ish did are now headlining at The Punchline and getting gigs on Comedy Central. He's performed with dozens of folks who've managed to get on television (Letterman, Ferguson, Last Comic Standing, etc). Assuming he's every bit as talented as these folks (and I do believe he is), there are many reasons he hasn't advanced as they have. Different priorities, different paths, different goals, different experiences.

But I know how he feels when he's been asked to open for one of these guys. Or worse, when he's been asked to help promote one of their shows. He doesn't begrudge them their comedic success. He gives them a good show, and is thankful for the opportunity -- glad he was on the radar screen at all. But sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow.

And that's how it felt yesterday when I received the email. I am proud to be on the radar screen (thank you to whoever recommended me, by the way!), and am happy to help Purl/Laurie in any way I can. I absolutely want her book to do well and would buy a copy if I weren't being sent a copy for review (just as I bought her first one -- in fact, I'd pre-ordered it).

I think you get what I'm saying, though. It's hard for this NOT to be a reminder of what I haven't done. And what I'm not doing and what I could have done already and -- scariest of all -- I'm not sure I will ever be able to do.

Which I will totally get over. Look for more info about the book and tour in Jan & Feb.

In the meantime, I have to get back to ignoring this Hallmark movie while playing peek-a-boo with a fauxhawked baby.

(And by the way? Who was letting Valerie feather her hair in 2003!?!? 'TIS THE SEASON!)


  1. Holy hell, it's going to take a Christmas miracle to get that picture of Peter Falk out of my head.

  2. Oh my god, The Christmas Gift with John Denver and Jane Kaczmerek was one of my FAVORITES growing up! I don't know anyone else who's ever even seen it. Yay! I should go watch it now...

  3. I totally get it.

    And also, definitely Crystal Bernard was hot. I considered her The Ideal when I was a teenager and was pretty upset I couldn't get my hair to be like hers.

  4. I started blogging in 2003. It's hard sometimes to see people who started blogging a year or two ago getting flown all over the country by potential sponsors and getting writing opportunities.

    Thing is, I *don'*t blog for a book deal or for traffic numbers or revenue (though some would be nice.) But those stupid jealous feelings are there. So I totally get you.

  5. It's strange, because as someone who is single and has watched people get married and have children...we singles may be jealous of you for what you have done. Grass is always greener.... We just work with what we have. I may not have a book deal or a faux hawked baby, but I feel pretty lucky. So should you!!!

  6. I totally know what you mean-it's like you wouldn't change anything but you still can't help feeling left behind. But from a purely selfish standpoint, I'm glad you haven't written two books, because it means more laughing-until-I-cry blog reading for me.

  7. You were the very first blog I began reading way back in 2005. I read Aunt Purl on and off, and liked her plenty, was sure we'd be friends, but then? I don't know, I'll stop in now and then, but I don't read regularly. In any case, I know exactly what you're getting at, but I won't lie to you, I've never bought a book by a blogger. Would I if it was someone I read regularly? Maybe, but I read Dooce with some regularity and had no interest in her book.

    BUT when/if you write your Hallmark movie, and when it gets purchased, and when it's playing at the theater or home, I'll be there popcorn in tow. (Ditto for the book too, you know.)

    And please remember you are not on a timeline for this. Maybe Aunt Purl writes her defining opus at 35, and you do yours at 45, it will be yours. Nothing is stopping you.

    And also, Peter Falk does not a pretty woman make. At first I thought it was some burn victim. Ouch.

  8. Oh just re-read...just read that as "sure we'd be friends in real life." The statement without it makes it look plenty stalkerish.

  9. Kristy -
    In my somewhat hazy recollection...I found your blog through a friend that lives in California. Then found Dooce and [redacted] and Crazy Aunt Purl via YOUR links. I have little in common with any of you, and yet I enjoy entertaining writing so I keep coming back. But you have the best illustrations, hands down. I think you rock. :)

  10. 1. There's actually two or maybe even THREE of the Crystal Bernard and Steve Guttenburg movies out there. Like, SEQUELS! I'm not sure which is which but I remember being ASTOUNDED at the AWESOME fake ponytail she was rocking in one of them.

    2. Moonlight & Mistletoe starring Candace Cameron Bure is the BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE EVER. The foreshadowing of the when-she-was-a-teenager scene, the REALLY realistic "business" scenes, the WAY AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE SHE SAVES CHRISTMAS AND FALLS IN LOVE!??!!?!?


    So. Good.

    I would advise viewers to avoid watching it alone because they're really gonna need someone to roll their eyes at.

  11. You are so not alone. (bad grammar. I know.)I think we all look at others and their accomplishments and have, well....moments. Not knocking what we ourselves have- it's just.....hmmmm. I think it's our way of evaluating who we are and where we stand in the big picture. Not necessariy a bad thing. It can motivate us to move in a different direction, or cause us to reflect and be satisfied with where we are. Perspective is always a good thing to get in the proper doses.

  12. I started reading your blog back in '05, maybe, when you put up the post about going to the gym with those lovely illustrations on craigslist. Yours was the first blog I read & the entire reason I ever started reading other blogs.

    I've never read Purl, but I used to read Dooce. I don't as much anymore because she doesn't feel like a real person with real responsibilities anymore. I want to read blogs by people who are real & that I can relate to.

    I look forward to reading your blog & your FB updates. You definitely know how to make a person laugh. I love that there is a crazy mom just north of me that I feel like I know even though I've never met you. And, I secretly & stalkerishly hope that someday I'll run into you at Adventure Kingdom or the Jelly Belly Factory & I'll be like, OMG, it's Kristy. And Alexa & Eve will become instant baby friends & then we'll become mom friends.

    (Okay, I'm really not a stalker, but doesn't it make you feel more famous to have a stalker? I bet Purl doesn't have a stalker in the East Bay?!)

    PS... please don't delete me from your FB friends. I'm really normal.

  13. I understand. I feel the same way. But sometimes I feel that way about you.:)

  14. I'm not offering sympathy/and orvalidation here, but I had to chime in and say you were MY first blogger, too. I found both Crazy Aunt Purl and Dooce through you as well, but I went through your archives first. ;)


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