Monday, September 22, 2008

Oh, hey! This is post #801.

The last few weeks have been, shall we say, "emotionally tumultuous." When I don't post with any regularity, it's because I feel drained. I love writing more than anything, and blogging is the best outlet I've ever had: if I'm not blogging, it's because I am out of juice.

Work has been difficult, for lots of very understandable reasons, but it's been something of a roller coaster. If you don't know, BlogHer was planning on a two-week long Tour. The Tour was to begin mid-October, and include SIX conferences in six different cities. And sure, that's stressful in itself. But, for lots of reasons (reasons that took much, much research and discussion), BlogHer has decided to only host conferences in the first two cities. You can read the official statement here. So yeah. Roller coaster.

And then there's the health stuff. Thank you so much for all your comments in my previous post. Some days I absolutely think, "Whatever. I'll worry about this when I actually need to." But other parts of me say that I need to worry now, because maybe there's something I can do about it. I just want as much information as I can get.

I do know that going down the what-if path is stupid, and really? It's not like me. I am definitely a forge ahead kinda gal. However. When my mother was sick, my therapist said I was doing a lot of "preperatory grieving." It was as though I was trying to get the grieving over with as soon as possible, even before she passed away. (Because I have one helluva defense mechanism.) (P.S. Didn't work that well, but it did help some.) The point is, if it turns out that I can't have kids, I will grieve. And I can prep myself for that a little bit now.

Of course there's a balance. I don't (and won't) walk around steeped in grief needlessly. But on occasion, I get to say, Shit, what if... Because I'm human and that's just how it's going to be.

Ish and I were in Arizona this past weekend. His grandmother recently passed away, and -- because his grandmother explicitly stated she wanted no formal service of any kind -- his family got together to reminisce and toast and look at photo albums and tell stories and cry and laugh. (Um, and play a surprising amount of Wii. Note: I had my ass handed to me in Wii bowling by a four-year-old who couldn't even keep score. "I got FOUR strikes, and you only got TWO strikes, so I am WINNING!")

It was really special. Also, emotional. I felt privileged to be included in the events, and appreciated getting to visit a different part of Arizona and learn about a whole new part of Ish's family.

All of this is to say, I haven't had much left (time or emotion) to write with. This last month has involved flying to the East Coast for my sister's wedding, flying to Arizona for Ish's grandmother's funeral, a weird health issue/scare, and a huge shift at work.

A long time ago, I asked you to please let me know what (uh, if anything) you'd actually like me to write more about. Sometimes when I feel I've gotten off track and lost my footing -- like now -- I'm not really sure how to get back on. I suspect I've written enough about my uterus for the time being. Probably enough tearful entries, too. So seriously. I don't totally know where to go from here, but I can promise you that if you make a suggestion for a blog entry, I'll take you up on it.

What do you think?

22 comments:

  1. I think you should write an entry about teachers and other adults that randomly stick out in your memory for odd reasons (you could change the names, if needed..) : 1. Ms.Kehoe and her "beat her in badmitton and get an "A" challenge", Arden and her gyspy orgasm, a certain band director telling us to, "shut up and DO!", George Parks AKA GOD!! lol I think you get my drift.....

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  2. when I feel like it's about time I updated my blog (I will start feeling this way again soon) I do a "desert island disc" post, where I review one of my all-time favorite albums and explain why it's objectively awesome and meaningful to me (this would also work for movies or books).

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  3. i feel like this lately too. so much has gone on in my life that even the great things i had trouble blogging about. i just posted today about needing to just stop and breathe. i seem to forget to do that.

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  4. I'm sure you've heard of the six-word memoir project. If not, it's from Smith Magazine (smithmag.net), and is based on a snarky challenge made to Hemingway that he couldn't write a complete story in six words. He responded by saying, "For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn."

    The project has been chronicled in a book, "Not Quite What I Was Planning." If you don't have it, order it. It's a delightful trip.

    My six-word memoir has changed a bit in the past few months. Today, it goes like this: "Lost early. Finally found my way."

    How would yours go?

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  5. although i'ma huge fan of pretty much anything you write, my favorites have always been your honest but funny blog entries about body issues. wasn't that what you had originally started this blog for? return to the roots. they're awesome! and there are so many readers out there who can relate and appreciate it.
    all the best to you for all of the challenges you're facing!
    steph

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  6. I second the teacher post idea. Also, I've always been impressed with how mellow you've been about your partner's ex-relationship(s)and how you seem to stay friends with your exes. As someone who can get very jealous, particularly about boyfriends' friendships with their exes, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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  7. You asked... but you can take your pick:
    - The contents of your fridge. Have you learned to cook?
    - A furniture update. Does more match now?
    - Getting locked out of your apartment. Only if it has happened recently, though.
    - Updates on your a capella group.

    Laura in Oakland, CA

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  8. www.startswithanx.com5:26 PM, September 22, 2008

    Uh, I'd love to read a post about your ass. Seriously. As a flatt-as-a-pancake assed woman, you big booty chicks intrigue the hell out of me.
    I'd love to know how your life changed when J.Lo came on the scene and big butts suddenly became THE SHIZ NIT.

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  9. I LOVE fall. Now that I live in Phoenix, I don't get to enjoy fall unless I travel somewhere. So, I'm curious... what is your favorite season. How is it different celebrating your season in San Francisco vs. out east.

    Maybe the weather is a boring topic... but I used to equate some of my favorite memories with certain times of the year.

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  10. How about a top five list of Kristy's must-see-not-so-touristy-places for a really short trip to San Francisco?

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  11. I fully second Ramblin' Girls suggestion. I'm in Sacramento and just today was thinking that I could use a day trip to San Francisco - I'd love to hear your suggestions.

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  12. I love the first anonymous suggestion and I ditto what Ramblin' Girl & Vanessa suggested..even though I have lived in SF & we have chatted about kewl shit to do there, I'd love to read what you've discovered since we last chatted (which was waaay too long ago, BTW)

    Hell Kiki, you could talk about your last turd and it'd be interesting.

    Yup.

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  13. Have you ever met Crazy Aunt Purl?

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  14. bzh's comment was pretty interesting, and has me thinking. I'm in the "not really in the mood to post" thing too.

    I also found it interesting that you grieved your Mother before she was gone....I did too. I think, if nothing else, it helped me get through the funeral without climbing in the casket with her!

    You're whole divorce subject is what hooked me to you in the first place. Maybe going back in time, again?

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  15. I'm a big fan of the whole "keepin' it real" thing. I think you are just fun and interesting to read. Just keep writing... when you feel like it, of course...

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  16. That preparatory grieving you mentioned--I've been doing it too, with my old dog. Not that I'm comparing your mother to an aging chocolate Labrador, but it explains why I tear up every time she falls asleep with her head on my chest. She's been my "partner" for twelve and a half years.
    You've got a lot of good suggestions here, and I think whatever you picked would be delightful--yes, delightful!--to read. I'd read your shopping list, if you wrote comments about what you were getting. I'd read an entry about you watching an ant pile all day. It's all interesting, and I know we're all very willing to be satisfied with whatever you might put forth.

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  17. I have an idea but will email you with it!

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  18. I loved the entries with the stick figure drawings, but I'd read anything you write. List your moles, inventory your bras...whatever.

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  19. I totally agree with a "Kristy's Hot Spots of SF" idea, but even before I read that one I was like, "I want to read more about your ass ! You are so funny when you talk about your ass ! And boobs !" Someone else beat me to it, but this blog originally started, way back when, with a whole diet / body issues theme and that was awesome. Everything else is awesome too, but you did ask, and that is one aspect of your writing that I miss and would love to see more of.

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  20. I think you sound like a dame who could use a chance to put body and soul back together again for a bit, as my Dad would say.

    Yeah, I know, not the exact intent of the "what do you think?" question, but you did ask...:)

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  21. I'd love you're take on the new 90210, and the controversy about the deal falling through for Project Runway. Both of which are affecting me in a deeply personal way. I won't say what way, I want to see what you have to say first. Hope you'll have a less hectic Autumn.

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