Tuesday, March 18, 2008

No Amount Of Co-habitating With A Hot Man Can Make Me Stop Blogging About My Cats

I don't have an updated photo of our kitchen, but it's probably enough to say that our countertop is shaped like a big U. And in the corner of that U is a lazy-susan.

Monster, since he was a kitten, loves being in cabinets and cupboards and closets. He has also been very good at figuring out how to open the doors to such things. Back when I lived in a house, weekend mornings were filled with the sound of

bang

bang

bang

pause

bang

bang

b-bang

b-bang

pause

BANG

whoosh

B A N G!

SLAM!!!!!

pause

pause

[repeat]

In case you're unfamiliar, that is the sound of a cat trying to get into a kitchen cabinet that is kept shut by a magnetic closure. Monster would get his claws in between the cabinet door and the cabinet backing and pull, just enough to move the cabinet door away from the edge, but not enough to open it. Then he'd let go and it would lightly bang against its close. Kind of like someone trying desperately to pull open a locked door, when all the door will do is rattle in its jamb.

Monster would repeat this "light banging" roughly eighty thousand times. Eventually, he'd pull hard enough that the door would suddenly break free of its magnetic seal and fly open with so much gusto that it would ricochet back and slam shut again.

This meant, by the way, that Monster wanted breakfast.

Occasionally, he'd get a cabinet open, and then crawl into it. If he discovered it was a cabinet that did not have his food, he would then begin mewing incessantly, presumably decrying his lack of reward.

If he managed to get into the cabinet where his bag of dry food was kept, he would then just eat through the bag and help himself to as much kitty chow as he pleased, often spilling heaps of it onto the floor for good measure.

But back to the lazy-susan.

For some reason, Monster really likes that particular cabinet in the kitchen, and when he goes to it and starts mewing at it, we'll open it and let him sit in there. (Note: he gets bored and leaves after being in there for like, 14 seconds. Oh, to understand the inner-workings of a cat's mind.)

Recently, Monster has decided that he should be able to enter the lazy-susan from the other side. The problem is that there isn't an "other" side, there is merely the back side of the counter. Aka: a wall. The wall, however, made the egregious error of having paneling, which Monster mistakes as cabinet openings.

And he does not understand why he cannot get in.

Try to explain that to a cat.




*Update: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME? I meant either "Co-habitation" or "Co-habiting" in the title. CERTAINLY "Co-habitating" is NOT A WORD. I'm so disorientated!

22 comments:

  1. aww poor Monster. I loved the video accompaniment-soo cute

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  2. Oh the wonder of cats! My cat, Percy, climbs into the bottom drawer of my dresser every night in order to climb up to the middle drawer through the back. So every morning, I wake to a pile of pajamas on the floor that were obviously in her way in the drawer. I guess I should know that this is her space. Not the space for a silly thing such as clothes. (Love the video).

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  3. Ok so there are a few times I don't miss my cat. The middle of the night banging constitutes most of them.

    LURVED your fuzzy shoe comment at MGM's by the way. Brava.

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  4. When I was a kid I read a lot of TS Eliot - this was before Cats came out. There's a line in one of his poems, Rum Tum Tugger, "he's always on the wrong side of every door". Ain't it the truth - even when it's not a door. That man knew cats.

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  5. Maybe he's living in some kind of cat parallel universe where there IS a door.

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  6. yeah, either a parallel or perpendicular universe

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  7. for what it's worth, I like your blog more these days.

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  8. That very nearly made my day.

    Well, that and my iced mocha.

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  9. Ha ha ha ha ha! The two cats I live with constantly crack me up with their strange behavior. I love the video!

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  10. I have two cats who love cabinets. I can relate so much. It's gotten to the point where I freak out if I don't hear cabinets banging or scratching on the blinds in the window.

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  11. Monster is very obviously trying to show you where he wants you to install the new kitty door.

    Get with the program, won't you!!

    check out my last blog post to see what my kitties are up to:
    http://icantbelieveanyonewouldwanttoreadthis.blogspot.com/

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  12. OMG that is totally hysterical! Gotta love cats!

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  13. I just watched the cat video.

    is that your voice?

    It's very cute.

    I wouldn't have placed it.

    just goes to show you something or other

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  14. your monster looks a lot like my asha. Asha likes to scratch the wall that holds her litter box on the other side, in a different room. Thankfully, she only scratches it and doesn't treat it as her litterbox.

    nice post and video, I giggled & watched it twice!
    xo

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  15. stumbled upon your blog. quite interesting. Though the video does'nt loa here a my campus since the internet conectivity quite frankly is fucked up

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  16. Found you from BlogHer and added you as a link to mine - hilarious, fantastic work!

    http://redstaplernation.wordpress.com

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  17. He is such a cutie!

    My cats are always trying to paw at cabinet doors, bathroom doors, bedroom doors, walls . . . It must be a "cat thang" and we humans just don't understand . . . :-)

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  18. sarah - thanks. i mean, the video isn't much, but it's accurate.

    kristy - i know the battle for dresser space all-too-well.

    mom101 - thanks for stopping by. and this whole J&J is one thing, but wtf with that dude???

    no-blog-rachel - you know, i have never read his cats stuff, and you're the second person to mention him in less than a week to me, so maybe i should.

    sassy - i will grant that he probably sees things i don't. but the thought of an alternate cat universe is too terrifying to contemplate.

    anon 4:51 - good point.

    anon 4:54 - really? how come? seriously, i never feel like i have any idea what posts will be interesting and which won't be at all. any insight would be appreciated.

    the girl - i'd lean slightly in favor of the mocha myself. :)

    nicole - it's really a source of constant amusement.

    jenn - good point. i can't imagine a home without strange scratching, padding, mewing.

    tami - of course! and so cute!!!

    sharkey - if the landlord complains, i'll just explain that there was supposed to be a door there, obviously

    anon - it is, though i have a cold and i'm speaking high in my sort-of-baby/sort-of-pet voice. but yeah.

    dahli - that actually sounds kind of smart of her. maybe?

    rishabh - you aren't really missing much. other than my cat scratching at a door that doesn't exist.

    the red - thank you so much! i will add you to the blog roll as soon as i make updates.

    dizzy - thanks, and i think you are right. it is beyond us.

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  19. This post kind of makes me want a cat, but I'm not sure why. Have I been sleeping TOO well lately?

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  20. Cohabitating is so a word!!

    loved this post. pets certainly do make our lives complete.

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  21. I once tried some of those plastic things that keep kids out of the cabinets. It was a source of insomnia for months! Finally I just let her have her way. ;-)

    Love your blog! You just might have re-ignited my obsession!!!

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  22. Kristy- This is one of the funniest posts I have EVER read. No lie. I have 2 cats of my own, and sometimes I wonder about their poor little pea brains. Sometimes, they're SO smart, and then they do something dumb to remind me of the facts of life.

    One of mine likes to hide behind the trash can in the kitchen when dogs come over to visit. Watching him open that cabinet cracks me up EVERY time.

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