Emotional Upheaval, Plus Cake

Sometimes I think I cope by not coping at all. By just moving along as though everything is perfectly normal.

There's lots of stuff going on right now, most of it good, most of it big. Job changes, relationships changes, family changes. Events, the holidays looming around the corner.

The post below is a bit choppy and needs editing, but it's as good a place as any to start.

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La la la, yes, my last day is next Friday, but did you get my email about that project plan?

Changing jobs is emotionally daunting, even if it's a good change. I really like my current position, and I really like my current company, and I really like the people who I get to work with.

You know, last night was a huge company party and I felt proud for having put it together -- not because it took a lot of planning (it didn't, really) -- but because of the kinds of people who were there having a good time. Cool, creative people. Smart, interesting people. Executives whose decisions touch millions of people's lives (the way that happens when your dotcom has a millionteen hundred* visitors every day). Last night, I felt like a real part of the company.

The company I'm leaving.

Sigh.

Of course, I'm leaving it to go do something else amazing. Integrating my passion (blogging/writing) with my work life is almost too good to be true. So much so that I'm scared. Starting a new job is scary no matter what, you know? But here I feel like the stakes are high because I care so much. This is personal.

Yay!

Well, and also, OHMYGODDONTFUCKITUP.

So right. There's this big emotional balancing act going on. I'm scared and excited and amazed that I get to do something I really am passionate about. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm leaving something really positive and big behind.

Heh. I said "big behind."

My coworkers surprised me a couple days ago with a going-away cake. It was sweet and unexpected. Cake always makes good-byes a little easier.

Except when I saw what was written on the cake, I couldn't help but cry. I was overwhelmed.

She Just Walks Around With It
Thank You, Kristy

I have to tell you. Having my blog acknowledged in a formal** business setting was at once touching and hysterical. Yes, I love that my "hobby," my passion, is now indirectly part of my job. Yay for women who blog!

But then thinking of my blog, in particular, being recognized, in a conference room of a division of the largest company in the world? That was almost enough to make me shoot milk out of my nose.

Oh of course, blogs can definitely be powerful and important and help businesses and all that.

But mine?

I stood there looking at the cake, knowing most of my colleagues have never read my blog. I was touched, but was also doing a mental inventory of the many blog entries that would be deemed inappropriate by pretty much any business standards. You know, the ones wherein I use the word FUCK a whole lot. And of my posts about drinking to the point of throwing up (happy birthday!). Of singing the praises of boxed wine. Detailing trips to the OBGYN. And posting silly pictures of my cat while working from home (not to mention pictures of my bare and bruised behind).

No, surreal doesn't even begin to cover it.

"She just walks around with it?" my boss said, looking at the cake. "That sounds like the title of a book."

I smiled.

"You'll have to give us the URL so we can all read it," she added.

"Oh...I will..." I replied, wondering how many times I've made mention of my boobs. And then figured what the hell. Why not?

"...just as soon as I leave ."




*roughly

**Well okay, SORT OF formal, what with it being cake and all