Sunday, July 25, 2010

Slow And Steady Wins The Race Unless The Race Is Hitting That Goal Weight Before BlogHer

I weigh over 200 pounds.

There. Now I've said it. Let it sink in, if you need to.

I have never been willing (or able) to tell you that before because that number -- that point on the scale I can't believe I ever got to LET ALONE got waaaaay over -- has been my greatest personal mark of shame ever.

I've spent a ton of time and energy writing about my weight here. I don't think I need to reiterate that my self-esteem isn't based on a number on a scale. I am perfectly happy and self-confident about the other bazillion facets of my life in which I'm engaged. I wrote a very important (if I do say so) post about how being fat doesn't have to mean being miserable, not even a little bit.

But, right. That doesn't mean I'm pleased with my weight. That doesn't mean I like weighing over 200 pounds.

Frankly, I never thought I'd see the day when I'd tell you that.

But you know what? I am confident that I will not be at this weight for much longer, AND that once I dip below 200, I will never, ever return.

I'm no longer afraid. 200+ is on its way out.

Wahoo!

Um, however.

I had hoped that I would fall below the 2-0-0 line before BlogHer.  I'd been absolutely certain that, by the time the first week of August rolled around and I was squeezing myself onto a cross-country plane, my weight would begin with a numeral "1." Finally.

It was an arbitrary deadline, but one I had no doubt I'd hit.  Except ah, I didn't hit it.  I'm going to come really close (within 5 pounds, I think). But no cigar.

And with that, let me bring you up to speed on my weight-loss/fitness progress.


#1: HEY, HOW'S YOUR DIET GOING? ARE YOU STILL DOING MEDIFAST?

I am still doing Medifast and I still love it. But I've been less than diligent about following the plan, because...um...because?

I have no excuse.

It's super easy to do, and when I'm consistent in following the rules, I lose weight. The problem is that when I go off the rails, I do so with VIGOR. And every time I fall off the wagon, it takes a few days to get back on track. That's the way the program works.

So I sabotage myself. A bad cycle will be, say: I've had a great couple days of being on-plan and working out. The scale is starting to move in the right direction. It's Friday night. I decide to have a cocktail or glass of wine. Then, because of the wine, I start to feel hungry and have less willpower than usual. I make a small bad decision food-wise, and then I think, "Well, I'm already off-plan, MAY AS WELL GO ALL THE WAY."

Which is stupid but there you go.

Big-picture, for the last month or so, I've been eating on-plan about 80% of the time. But that doesn't translate to losing 80% of what I could be losing. It's less than that. I, mean, I'm making this up based on what I've experienced, but it's more like 25%-40%.

In other words, that extra 20% motivation -- being on plan 100% -- would mean I could lose weight two to three times faster than I'm losing now. It means I'd have hit my goal and then some (where "some" = "a LOT"), and shopping for what to wear at BlogHer would have be a far less hive-inducing event.

But I haven't.

I'm not giving up. Not even close. I'm just a little disappointed.

It's actually a lot like trying to get into college. My grades in high school were okay, but not great. They could have been great if I'd cared at all or, you know, tried.  But I didn't. I somehow thought that because I should get into great schools, I would.  I did the minimum amount of work possible to do "above average," and just assumed that because I belonged in a top-tier school, I'd get into one.

I didn't.

And here we are, so many years later, and I've not really learned my lesson. I am doing the minimum amount of work possible to lose weight, and yet assume that I'll see dramatic results every time I step on the scale.


I don't.

Funny how that works.


#2: ARE YOU STILL DOING THE C25K?

If you're following me on Twitter or have friended me on Facebook, you know that -- shockingly and completely, 100% unforeseeably -- yes. I am still doing the "Couch to 5K."

I KNOW, RIGHT?

I cannot explain this. I don't know what has happened to me. I don't have any idea what will become of me. I am fully expecting to wake up one day and be all, "What? Go for a JOG? Are you fucking kidding me? I don't do THAT." and things will be back to normal.

But for now, I am LOVING this stupid program.

Oh, I still hate every second of "running" (which is still slow-as-molasses-jogging, but whatever, potato-potahto) (OOH! POTATOES! FRENCH FRIES! OM NOM!) (nooooo, shhhh, Medifast shakes, mmmmmm!), but I:
- Love the structure of the program
- Love that I feel progress every single time I do a new day
- Love how much stronger I feel every week
- LOVE that I was able to run for 20 minutes straight at the end of week five!

And, most surprising of all is that I've been able to do this all while weighing over 200 pounds.  I have my issues with The Biggest Loser, but I'll tell you something. If it weren't for that show, I'd have never believed I was physically capable of running at my current weight. 

The only downside at all has been that my jogging work-out successes definitely contribute to my feeling like I don't have to be as good on my diet.

Logically, I know that this will eventually be true. That when I weigh like, 50 pounds less than I do now and can run 30+ minutes throughout the week, that will probably off-set a french fry here and there.

Logically, I know that running two intervals of 8 minutes does not mean I can eat anything I want for an entire weekend.

And yet.


#3: HOW IS SHOPPING COMING? DID YOU BUY NEW CLOTHES FOR BLOGHER? 
DID YOU EVER WEAR THAT RED PLAID DRESS?

Um. Shopping is still a complete disaster, my body is totally between sizes, the red dress was 1000% anti-climactic and I am going to be wearing a garbage bag to BlogHer.

But perhaps these statements deserve their own blog entry.




So how about you? I know some of you have started Medifast, and I know some of you have started the C25K. How's it going?

18 comments:

  1. You're awesome. And in good company. Heh.

    XOXO

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  2. i'm totally impressed! i always bitch about my weight on my blog too, but i've never been brave enough to talk pounds. for some reason it's always been easier for me to talk about my weight in dress sizes. it's less in your face that way i guess.

    i just squeeked under the 200 pound mark recently and i was beside myself with joy. of course, i had to be diagnosed with diabetes to finally wake the heck up, but i'm trying to eat better and started exercising. i'm hoping to drop another 20 pounds by the end of the year. i think it's much more do-able and way less intimidating if you don't pressure yourself and start by cutting out little things at first.

    good luck!

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  3. The first run for 20 minutes day of C25K was so intimidating for me and such a great feeling of accomplishment after having actually made it. Way to go, making it through and beyond that!

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  4. Disappointing for you, I'm sure. I think many of us have felt this way. If you haven't, "Damn you lucky gal!"

    Today is a new day! New improvements to the old goals.

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  5. Kristy,

    It's like you live inside my head!! Everything you write in relation to weight is exactly what I have or am experiencing but have never verbalized! I am right where you are, on the border between the 100s/200s...ready to cross and never go back.

    I totally relate to what you said about not having your self esteem tied to your weight. I have a great marriage, family, and friends. I have strong faith, lots of hobbies and interests, and the means to persue them. I really do have a wonderful and full life...and I weigh about 60 pounds more than I want to. I have struggled with weight all of my life and I have accepted the fact that I will ALWAYS have to struggle to keep my weight in check. (One look around the room at a recent family reunion confirmed this fact!!) In comparison with what a lot of people have to struggle with, I think that I am pretty lucky. The bottom line is that I feel better about everything in my life when I am disciplined in my eating and getting regular exercise. And my teenage kids are watching every move I make...so I have the added incentive of wanting to be a good (healthy) example for them.

    I started the C25K because of your inspiration. And now I'm beginning week 4...scared to death of the 20 minute deal...but confident that I'll get through it!

    So, thank you, Kristy, for your honesty and frankness! I wish we lived closer...I think we'd be good friends!

    Kelli

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  6. Kristy,

    It's like you live inside my head!! Everything you write in relation to weight is exactly what I have or am experiencing but have never verbalized! I am right where you are, on the border between the 100s/200s...ready to cross and never go back.

    I totally relate to what you said about not having your self esteem tied to your weight. I have a great marriage, family, and friends. I have strong faith, lots of hobbies and interests, and the means to persue them. I really do have a wonderful and full life...and I weigh about 60 pounds more than I want to. I have struggled with weight all of my life and I have accepted the fact that I will ALWAYS have to struggle to keep my weight in check. (One look around the room at a recent family reunion confirmed this fact!!) In comparison with what a lot of people have to struggle with, I think that I am pretty lucky. The bottom line is that I feel better about everything in my life when I am disciplined in my eating and getting regular exercise. And my teenage kids are watching every move I make...so I have the added incentive of wanting to be a good (healthy) example for them.

    I started the C25K because of your inspiration. And now I'm beginning week 4...scared to death of the 20 minute deal...but confident that I'll get through it!

    So, thank you, Kristy, for your honesty and frankness! I wish we lived closer...I think we'd be good friends!

    Kelli

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  7. You will look so freaking hot in a garbage bag. I cannot WAIT to see you. I love you, at whatever weight you are - or aren't.

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  8. 3 years ago, when I couldn't even run around the block, I did the C25K.

    Now, not only have I run a couple of half-marathons without stopping, I'm also training for a marathon.

    And I STILL can't have those stupid french fries. You'd think running 20+ miles a week would mean I could splurge once in a while, right? I almost feel entitled to.

    But no such luck :(

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  9. Kristy,
    I'm so proud of you--especially on the running thing, because I feel like I "can't" run--it's one of my hang-ups. But you are inspiring me to rethink that idea.

    One hint on the wine/cocktail thing. Try to drink a ton of water before drinking the wine or cocktail--it will fill you up and counteract the dehydrating effects of the alcohol, which leads to you feeling like you're hungry.

    McDonald's should have a "hot now" sign (maybe fresh oil?) to let you know that the fries are worth the calories--sometime their fries are incredible, sometimes, just eh--so it would let me know that the calories were worth it ahead of time.

    Lastly, remember the real rule of dressing up from a female PoV--if your shoes and purse are cute enough, no one will notice anything else you are wearing, plus they are worth splurging on because they will fit long after you have met your goal (which I know you will!!!)

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  10. I just found you through twitter & I love this post. I can relate on so many levels. The weight, the going off the rails in epic style, the running. Love your "voice"!

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  11. You've inspired me. I've had Couch to 5K on my iPhone for months now. But I've resisted thinking: "gotta lose weight before I try to run so I don't put too much stress on my body, [insert more vaguely scientific excuses here].

    Now I'm gonna fire that puppy up and get rolling.

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  12. Congrats on sticking with the C25K program! Being able to run a few miles a couple times of week will be a breeze in a few weeks. Keep at it!

    And I weigh more than I should right now too. I have been awful at working out lately which stops today.

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  13. You continue to inspire me with your success with the C25K program. I can't even imagine running for 20 minutes straight. I'm currently on week 3 and I totally failed this morning at running for just 3 minutes straight. My last run hit on an uphill part and I just couldn't get enough air to keep going. To my credit, it is really really hot and humid here in ATL. I need to find me an air conditioned, flat surface and see how much better I am!

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  14. I have just done day 2 of week 4 of C25K. I'm amazed at myself that I can run for that amount of time. I'm doing time rather than distance because I run VERY slowly. I'd probably need to run for twice as long if I checked the distance.

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  15. i started ea sports active with the hopes of dropping a couple pounds in time for blogher. i weighed myself with the wii balance board last night and was appalled to see that my weight had not budged one single pound even though i've been exercising harder than ever. i'm telling myself i'm thinner but i gained muscle and that may or may not be true.

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  16. Kristy, I did start the C25K after you mentioned it. I am only on week two and I totally went off the rails last weekend, so now it feels difficult to get back at it. But I know it's the ONLY way I will ever lose the 60 lbs I need to lose. Can't afford Medi-fast, but I can afford to run! Thanks for your honest, inspiring, and humorous take on getting fit. We can do it. I know we can.

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  17. I like your blogging. Good stuff:)

    This one caught my eye in particular.

    I wanted to share one of my entries with you. Check out my weight loss story (if you have the time). I understand weight frustrations but I managed to find a way to lose it, thankfully! (wow, kinda sounds like an ad...gag)

    My name is Amy, I just started blogging this year (though I put up some older stuff). I'm 'Frank' from 'Just Call Me Frank: One Woman's Endeavor at Being Frank'

    Here's the link to my story.
    http://just-call-me-frank.blogspot.com/p/my-personal-weight-loss-story-100s.html

    I hope you like it, and other parts of my blog:)

    ~Frank

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