This is NOT a compensated review from BlogHer and Samsung Home Appliances. It was going to be, but then I got all long-winded and tangential and next thing you know it's 80 million words later and I haven't mentioned a single thing about my new dishwasher. So I'm breaking this review into two parts.
(So yeah. Part Two is where you can win the gift card. But please read Part One to humor me.)
Part One: A Preamble Sort of About Dishwashers But Kind of More About Love and Stuff and Not Actually a Review
For the record, just because I'm given a product to review doesn't mean that I have to say nice things. I mean, any time I'm given an opportunity to do a review, I double- and triple-check with the people who are letting me because, I mean, mostly I don't use the f-word but hey. Sometimes it slips out. And it's been a long time since I've posted a picture of my naked ass, but if anyone could end up with a naked butt picture relating to a major appliance installation, I can. Also, I talk about my boobs a lot.
"But Jenny, can I talk about my boobs?"
"What would your boobs have to do with a dishwasher?"
"YOU NEVER KNOW."
So, how 'bout that! I got a new dishwasher! And so far nothing has happened with it involving my boobs! But as I was writing NOT about my boobs and thinking about how to write about my dishwasher, I realized -- and I'm being serious, here -- it's amazing how much love and life can be reflected in one's dishwasher status.
Hear me out.
When I was married the first time (sidenote: HAHAHAHAHA), we didn't have a dishwasher in our apartment, but that was okay because we never used the kitchen. Well, there was that one time I used the stove in the dead of winter, but it made our tiny apartment so unbearably hot (because our heat was controlled by management and permanently set to "roast") that we'd had to open our windows. And then we maybe sort of forgot about the open windows and went to sleep and then it snowed and no one takes you seriously when you ask if snow will stain a sofa.
Domestic Goddesses are made, not born.
But see? We were starting out and didn't have a dishwasher and next thing you know, it's snowing in our livingroom.
So when we got a little more settled, a little more established in our relationship and shared life, we got married, moved to a house, and got a dishwasher. Know what happened?
I started to cook, and do things like "sweep" and "run the dishwasher" BUT these chores were mostly unremarkable...and so was our marriage. (Well, and the cooking, but that's neither here nor there.) The point is, our dishwasher was plain looking and boring and barely adequate. AND WE GOT DIVORCED.
[Uh, but not before that one time when I ran out of dishwasher detergent and thought I could use normal dish soap and learned that there is a very good reason they are entirely different products. I "learned" this by walking into my kitchen and discovering my floor had become a bubbly moat -- spewing from my dishwasher.]
Anyway. I hope you see what I'm saying, because this is a giant realization. Earth-shattering, really.
* No dishwasher = precarious relationship
* Plain dishwasher = plain marriage
* Plain dishwasher + bubbly moat = divorce! (Also, Domestic Goddess status withheld indefinitely.)
So okay. Maybe that just seems like coincidence. I hear you. But when I started reviewing the next several years of my life in terms of my dishwasher-status, the evidence mounted.
2001: A bad year for the country, generally speaking. Not so great for me, either, as I get divorced and move to San Francisco. Love SF, love my cute little apartment but overall, life in upheaval. Do not have dishwasher.
2002: Move in with my SF boyfriend to a new apartment. Things are looking up, life-coming-together-wise, but still fairly unsettled. Do not have dishwasher.
2003: Move to better place with SF boyfriend because things are going so well. Have cool dishwasher!
2004: Oops. Break up with SF boyfriend. (But good dishwasher = very, very good breakup.) Move out. Start life again again as single in the city. Everything precarious. Of course, no dishwasher.
2004 - 2007: Life is interesting, but a bit rough-and-tumble on the dating front. Meet Ish. Good boyfriend? Yes. But good boyfriend is just a little bit still married to someone else. Why? BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITHOUT A DISHWASHER FOR 3 YEARS.
2008: Wonderful boyfriend and I move in together! Relationship status greatly improved! Get engaged! Get pregnant! HAVE VERY GOOD DISHWASHER.
The facts do not lie. You have a sleek, roomy, pretty dishwasher, things are good and you get married and have babies. I am living proof. I should go on Oprah.
Except but also, here is when things get juuuuuust a little problematic.
Because once we had the very good dishwasher and life got awesome and everything, we moved. And now we live in Napa in a very fine house. The house is new and modern and lovely, but! BUT!
Click here to read Part Two: A Review of My New Samsung Dishwasher (and, Possibly More Importantly, Win a $200 Best Buy Gift Card)