Pregnancy Is A Symphony, And That Farting Is The Percussion Section

In all my glory. Taken spur-of-the-moment with my iPhone, which explains the quality.
And the fact that it didn't even occur to us to close the cabinet door.
The photo is therefore both of me, 36 weeks pregnant, and my livingroom cabinets.

Please, allow me this disclaimer:

I hate potty humor and have no taste for it. I detest movies that focus on poop/fart jokes for laughs (sorry, but yes; I hated Dumb & Dumber) and for the first many years of my life, wouldn't even think of uttering poop words aloud, ever. EVER. Slowly, sadly, over the last several years, as if by design, Ben, Emily and Ish have together worn me down. Three against one is a tough battle.

These days I still don't think pooping or farting is funny in any way, but at least I can acknowledge that these words -- and yes, perhaps even these functions -- exist, and recognize that a lot of people do find the whole business of, well, "business" amusing.

Thus, when I began blogging, I could not have foreseen the day I would use the word "farting" in the title of a blog post. For the record, I do not consider this growth on my part.

I find that the best, most moving songs in the world are those that begin with a simple melody and single instrument, and build and build until the whole last verse and chorus are bursting with interest and instrumentation. The the best example of this that immediately springs to mind is the song, "One Day More" from Les Miserables. Each of the first verses are of varying melodies, sung by their primary characters. Then they all somehow come together and the different voices and melodies fit and right there is why people who love Broadway love Broadway. Totally goose-bump worthy. Even the 11,000th time you've listened to it.

(The Frank Sinatra duet of "Mac the Knife" with Jimmy Buffet also came to mind. The song doesn't even have percussion to begin with, but by the rousing end there's an entire big band orchestra wailing and two singers who, let's face it, hold their own.)

(There are probably a million other great examples.)

But in case you didn't know where I was going with this, THIS is what pregnancy has been like. At least, for me.

See, in the beginning, all these strange things happened to my body. I knew to expect some of them, while others came as a complete shock.

I looked up for this self-photo, on the idea that it's boring to look at pictures of me
looking into the camera (see below).
Except I couldn't see what I looked like.
I don't think I ever make this face.

The first trimester was pretty okay. I got bone tired by 9 p.m. every night. I only felt nausea if I went too long without eating. I had no cravings and no difference of appetite. My face broke out a little more. My boobs were sore. Otherwise, I had very mild instances of any of the HA, YOU'RE PREGNANT issues: gas, heartburn, aches, bloating, swelling, weird dreams, crazy hormonal fluctuations (crying at the sad mop not withstanding).

The second trimester was miserable, but mostly because it started with a month-long cold that I refused to take any over the counter medication for. So fatigue continued to be my biggest complaint. Oh, my skin decided to go from "oilier than usual" to "the most sensitive, dry skin on the planet." I also stopped being able to remember things. But given that Ish and I got married, bought a house, and moved (and I left my job) all during this trimester, I think it went quite well.

The beginning of the third trimester was even better. Aside from the strange butt-muscle pain and general aches and pains, pregnancy was just not so bad.

It still isn't so bad.

But about three weeks ago, it happened.

All the fun little melodies and harmonies of my body's pregnancy decided to play together for the big finale! The Grand Conductor has decided it's time to step it up! We're heading into the big finish, apparently, and it's time for great flourishes! and crescendos! and 76 trombones! and fat ladies singing!

Ish asked if he could take a picture of my belly from below.
He got down on the floor.
I am not sure if this is a funny picture or just really scary.

In the last three weeks alone, it's all hit. And in case you were hoping I'd spare you what all "all" I mean, sorry. Just skip on over this next bit.

I haven't seemed to gain any weight, but I quite clearly have a melon-sized baby inside, alternately bouncing off my diaphram (so that I can't breathe so well) and banging into my bladder (so that I have to pee, urgently, even when I don't). My nose gets stuffed with fluids just for fun. I am hungry all the time but am always also full. I sort of have to battle with myself to eat anything other than ice cream, which I have never otherwise craved in my life and also which -- fun for Ish! -- I don't digest too well. Cue the timpani! I am not especially swollen (my ankles, for example, are still intact), but noticed that I had to buy flip flops in a half-size larger than usual and I can't wear my rings anymore. My skin was doing okay, but now my legs are incredibly dry and my face breaks into the occasional hive(?). The butt pain hasn't gone away, and is now joined with the fun sensation of my hips gradually detaching themselves from my thighs. The boobs have gotten re-sore. Dreams are getting weirder and weirder. I am having a harder time trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. Standing, walking, climbing stairs, etc. has become a bit of a challenge now that such activities require my stomach muscles to hold up a bowling ball while so doing.

Glorious, I tell you!

But still, I will say that it really hasn't been anywhere near as hard as I feared. I absolutely consider myself lucky -- to experience pregnancy at all, and to have it be as smooth as it's been. Even now, with this crazy cacophonic climax.


  1. You're stunningly beautiful. I never looked pregnant like this -- a week before I delivered someone asked me "had that baby yet?" I just looked extra-lumpy. You look glorious. Sorry about the wind section, though. :)

  2. You look so beautiful!! :) Also, "One Day More" gets me every time, too. Also also, your labels for this post made me actually laugh out loud.

  3. Um, you have thin shapely legs and I am very jealous.
    I'm not pregnant and I never was but I look at my legs now and I look at yours and I wish I looked like you, baby bump or not.
    ps:thought you might enjoy the ego boosting
    pps:I meant every word of this

  4. Beautiful belly! I hadn't realized, for some reason, how far along you are.
    And the gas issue? Um, mine didn't really go away.

  5. Like everyone else, I think you are so beautiful right now. You have truly been a trooper through this amazing life altering event.

  6. You are gorgeous! You look so happy and glorious. I love it.

    If gas increases when you get pregnant, I am in SO much trouble.

  7. I didnt realize how far along you were either although I read your blog and your tweets. I must be in denial or just plain oblivious.

    But, darling, you look gorgeous!

  8. beautiful! gas and all!

  9. You look fabulous. Happy and beautiful. :)

  10. oh I wish that were me!!

    You look just ravishingly beautiful!!!

  11. Everyone already said this, but you look beautiful. More beautiful than I did when I was pregnant. By far.

    And I can't smell, so gas doesn't even bother me.

    Um, sorry, husband!

    Ahhh... I'm jealous :)

  12. I agree with anonymous about your legs! If they look that good when you're pregnant, the world better watch out!

    You do look gorgeous, and wonderfully happy. I'm sure the smile will only get bigger when she arrives!

  13. You look fabulous. And, in case this hasn't occurred to you - YOU are GOING TO HAVE A BABY! (I'm like squeeing all over again for you.)

  14. Add one more voice to the You Look Great Chorus. Because you really do look great.

    I could never burp until I was pregnant. Best I could ever do was a tiny hiccup after guzzling a soda. Now I can put any obnoxious 12 year old boy to shame.

  15. I just want to say that you look like you are only belly - that you look very thin in every way- you only have a tummy because of this child you are carrying (Spot?)
    Thanks for sharing this journey. Hopefully the percussion will settle down soon :)

  16. Wow you look amazing! You are so twee other than the boobs and the belleh. And honestly you positively glow. Gorgeous! Go you, other than the symphony cacophony, you have done so well. And OHMYGOD, it's almost time! yay!

  17. you. are. AWESOME. i love these photos. you have so completely nailed that cool-pregnant-lady look. i'm 20 weeks this week and will be waiting breathlessly to see how your L&D goes! big hugs to you!

  18. you look absolutely adorable! take good care these last few weeks by getting plenty of rest!
    can't wait to see the baby pictures!

  19. What was all this talk you had a while back about not being pretty pregnant? I started out at 125 lbs and I'm 5'7. I gained 60 lbs and looked like a walking blimp with sausage fingers. You are gorgeous pregnant. Take advantage of the peace and quiet. I call tell you from experience that you wont have it again for atleast 5 more years when school starts. Good luck and I'm sure you're going to have a beautiful little girl.

    -Toni (AL)

  20. You look truly beautiful. How are you already 36 weeks along?

  21. The title for this post is perfect :)

  22. Kristy, you look amazing! It's a rare treat to see your full face, and you're beautiful. Good luck with everything. Can't wait to see posts about the baby!

  23. You look so beautiful and glowy!

  24. So happy for you & so happy you posted pictures. You looks beautiful & glowy and happy! My husband and I are trying... no luck yet. I'm a little scared about the hips thing - I have few pins in my hip and am scared to death what that will be like. Doctor said it shouldn't be a problem but now that you mentioned feeling it... scared!! Congratulations to you both - Here's to a speedy 3 weeks & a happy family.

    Long time reader - JL

  25. You look great and I am so glad your pregnancy has gone so well! Farts, schmarts. They blow away!

    I missed the last post but I did want to throw in this. If you have a convenient first floor laundry room, then I still think the best place to change diapers is on the dryer. We kept a thick lap blanket on it, and kept the supplies and baby clothes in a basket on the shelf above. It was handy to change the twins in a place where there was often (ALWAYS) a clean outfit below in the dryer, plus SHOUT spray was handy for the omnipresent baby barf stains.

  26. You have a baby in there! You truly look glorious - and very, very happy.

    About the foot thing, my understanding is that larger feet during pregnancy is not due to swelling, but that the bones in your feet actually shift and spread. Many women whose feet grow during pregnancy never go back to their original size, which kinda sucks when you wind up a size 11 like my sister.

    I think one of the silver linings of the discomforts of pregnancy is getting away with things you never otherwise could, like eating ice cream all day, every day and farting with abandon.

  27. Good Grief! You still have THREE WEEKS TO GO?

  28. You look fabulous, my dear, despite the chorus. :-)

  29. You look great and so HAPPY, and that makes me happy.

  30. Pregnancy is glorious, no?

    You are gorgeous! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, percussion section and all.


  31. you look amazing, so pretty!

    I was away from your blog for a while, but I am glad I am back!


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