Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Now Might Be When I Start Posting Every Day

Hey, you never know, right?

I mean, The Bloggess is so completely crazy and awesome, and yet she manages to get her crazy awesomeness across in really short entries. (Well, short except for the post about the how she "accidentally" doused herself in giraffe urine so she could get felt up by the hot male giraffe.) (I might be editorializing.) (What? Who's jealous? Just because she's all hilarious AND openly drunk doesn't mean I'm jealous enough to go making up stories about her sexual zoo peccadilloes.) (Well, not EXACTLY.) And that works for her. (Not the zoo sex. The short entries thing.)

Whatever. This is all just to point out that the iPhone auto-corrector has always annoyed the crap out of me, until recently, when it made me laugh out loud TWICE. I don't know what it is about potatoes.

The other day, I texted Ish about how he didn't have to pick up any take-out on his way home from work. Because I decided that I would make dinner due to my sudden, inexplicable craving for mashed potatoes. Except I don't know what letters I actually used for "potatoes" because the next thing I knew, I was telling Ish I really had a craving for "mashed orators."

In fact, on second reading -- God bless him for not rushing home or calling the cops on his insane pregnant wife -- I didn't send him anywhere near a coherent message. I intended to convey that I was going to go to the store and pick up groceries and fix dinner and thus he didn't need to pick anything up. But what I actually sent him was the following message, in its entirety, which not even a code breaker could have possibly deciphered:

You may be in luck. I just hot craving for mashed orators.

"Hot" was supposed to be "got." And there's no way Ish could have realized that "orators" meant "potatoes." Further still, why on earth would a hot craving for mashed orators mean he's "in luck." In luck how? From what?

Pregnancy + iPhone = hahahahahaha.

And then last night, I was using my phone to IM (which is really stupid because my thumbing skills are sad as it is, even before auto-correct gets into the act), and somehow we got on the topic of potatoes. Again. And I was suggesting that no, we didn't have to run to the grocery store because we had plenty of potato salad left over, we could just have that with the pork roast. Except that's not how it came out, either.

The entire line was:

Piptato salad!

And then I stared at my phone and laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. (This is not an exaggeration. Pregnancy does odd things to a woman's bladder.)

Had iPhone corrected me? No, obviously it couldn't have, since last I checked "piptato" is not a word. But then did *I* type "piptato"? And if I did, why DIDN'T auto-correct do its job?

PIPTATO!

So okay, piptato may not make YOU laugh, but one of the songs we performed last Saturday was Midnight Train to Georgia and we do indeed have three singers who do their best Pips impression and I can't help it. The imagery of Piptato Salad makes me giggle.

21 comments:

  1. Ten years ago I used to get a huge kick out of how Microsoft Word auto-corrected my name to "Moldy."

    Predictive text messaging is the new Moldy, I guess.

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  2. Thank you for, quite literally, making me lol.

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  3. I love that you read Blogess. I also love you.

    Auto correct makes me laugh, often. Right now I am completely drawing a blank, like a giant ass hole, on any of those situations. But, you also made me laugh, because mashed orators are H-O-T.

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  4. Totally made me laugh. Thank you.

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  5. no matter how i read it, "piptato" always sounds like cousin balki bartakamous is saying it.

    -el snarkster

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  6. The iPhone auto-correct both helps and hinders me... sometimes it saves me from an embarrassing faux pas, sometimes it causes one. But I do love the phone (I've only had it a week and a half... behind the times, I know), and I tell all and sundry how awesome I am.. I mean, how awesome it is. (Got here from Purple Girl's blog... ciao).

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  7. Piptato made me laugh. One time when I was commenting on facebook on my iphone I was leaving a comment on my sisters page and I meant to write things, but I spelled it wrong and my phone corrected it to thugs. I don't remember the message, but after I sent it and read it I realized it looked like in my message I was calling a few people thugs. That one made me laugh.

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  8. true story, once I send an email to my boss regarding the placement of a delivered item. I believed that I had typed said "they put it by the hole in the backyard"

    what he received was "They put it by the WHORE in the back yard".

    Which wouldn't have been too bad, had it not been being delivered to his mom.

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  9. My iPhone corrected the word "have"...a real word mind you, to "agave". How often must I type agave that the phone thought I couldn't *possibly* have meant to type anything else. Hilarious.

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  10. I read this out loud to my hubs. We were both cracking up, and it has happened to the best of us. I also turn my auto-correct off, but DH uses his and always complains about it.

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  11. Oh my LORD, I have tears in my eyes right now from laughing so hard. Tears!

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  12. okay, PIPTATO! makes me GUFFAW.

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  13. What that other Karen said! I love mashed orators. I think that's what I will call them from now on!

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  14. I have that problem using T9 on my phone. I one had to type "gassy" and now every time I need to say "happy" it puts in "gassy". Let's just skip over WHY I needed to spell gassy.

    Ahem.

    It also keeps telling me that "foq" is a word more often used than "for" but I BEG TO DIFFER.

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  15. Okay, now I totally want some hot orators.

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  16. I need to go google the definition of orator. But, yum. I think they sound delicious!

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  17. there are many reasons why i love you, and this added another to the list.

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  18. i especially like the exclamation point in piptato salad.

    i mean, piptato salad!

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  19. I have tears in my eyes and my gut hurts from laughing (silently) in my office.

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    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm reading this way after it's posted as I found your blog through, I think, Megan at An Acorn Dreaming.

    Just wanted to say I just spent 5 minutes laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, with tears streaming down my face. I think I needed that!

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