Thursday, May 21, 2009

KIDNEY STONES!

Did you notice that the new Indian spokesman for Fiber One cereal is the same guy who played the busboy who hit on Samantha in that episode of Sex and the City?

We should probably be friends if you did.

Because these are the kinds of things I notice, and it doesn't do me any good. I kind of think it's a skill, sort of, but with no actual tangible benefit or use. So conversations around our home go something like:

Me, for seemingly no reason: KIDNEY STONES!

Ish, startled: Huh?

Me, nodding at the television: Kidney STONES!

Ish, looking from the tv to me and back again: Huh? Oh! Good call.

This was my way of telling Ish that the principal on Glee (because of COURSE we were watching) was the guy who played the doctor who diagnosed Joey with kidney stones on Friends.

Ish gets points for catching on so quickly.

I think I inherited this "skill" from my mother. I can't help but wonder if this is the sort of thing I will be passing to my daughter, or how old she'll have to be before I know. I sort of sickly daydream of her toddling over to me to announce that the lady on Sesame Street is the lady from mommy's show. Because that's how it starts.

Wait, so did I really write about midget clown porn? I did, huh? Well, let me just say that I don't have any idea what the name of the movie is/was, but I'll try and get it from the ex. Also, to answer your burningest question, GOOD LORD NO. The rhyming little person did not get naked or have sex with anyone in the movie. I don't think even I could blog about that.

This post seems not to have a point. Crap.

To be fair, I started TWO different blog posts about Dooce that I gave up. They seemed weirdly Dooce-focused, and I don't need to seem any crazier than I am. But the point I was trying to get at is maybe worth making. And that is: Wow. For a woman who's in such good shape and so thin, her baby and baby bump seem to be causing her a LOT of distress. Whereas I started off like, twice her size, and seem to be functioning a lot easier. I don't exactly look forward to running up and down the stairs several times a day, but I do it. And still cook and clean and go grocery shopping and drive to the city (well, sit in the car as Ish drives) once a week.

But yeah. I gave up those blog posts because basically the subtext was "Neener, neener. You may be more prolific and rich and skilled and WAY thinner than I will ever be, but my pregnancy seems to be causing me less distress than you! HA! Take that, famous blogger!"

And that's not very healthy.

So what have we learned? I have a good eye for remembering actors in B- and C-level roles, perhaps as a genetic predisposition. I am 100% unjustifiably feeling superior to Dooce. I watched Glee. And at least my top-level post isn't about midget clown porn.

As a final final note, I was perfectly happy with the American Idol results and don't think Adam's losing is a failing on America's part. I understand the sadness and anger some of you may be feeling, but honestly. Aren't the majority of AI voters 9-year-old girls? Also, remember that time that guy Ruben beat Clay? Right then.

I cannot WAIT for So You Think You Can Dance.

17 comments:

  1. I thought you should know that in my RSS feed your "KIDNEY STONES!" title was followed by "GIVEAWAY ALERT!" You can imagine the weird assumptions my brain started making. Just FYI.

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  2. Oh my gosh I cannot wait for SYTYCD! I love it!

    I can't believe I delurked just to tell you how excited I am about SYTYCD. That's sad. I think I will go eat an oreo now.

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  3. I have the same weird knack as you do when it comes to identifying random commercial people.

    Like the dude who was on the DiGiorno's Pizza commercials is now the handy man on The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.

    Froggy, can I get one of those oreo's?

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  4. I do the thing with the actors too, but I add to that, even if that actor becomes a regular on a show, always referring to him or her by the first character's name. When Gary, Phoebe's boyfriend from Friends, was on Boston Public, I continued to refer to him as Gary. I told my roommate the other day that Toby and Jeremy from the West Wing were on In Plain Sight. Except Jeremy was Will on the West Wing, but I was still calling him Jeremy from when he was on SportsNight sometime in the late 90s.

    Also, I honestly don't think it matters that much who wins Idol anymore. The ones who are good enough will get record deals and have careers. The important thing is that Danny got all of that exposure. I mean they got all that exposure. They.

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  5. Thank god someone else is doing the kidney stones thing. I thought I was slowly losing it (which is still a possibility).

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  6. We do that "kidney stones" thing, too...but it just takes us a little longer to figure out who it is. You'll understand in about 20 or 30 years.

    Each pregnancy is different. Don't go neiner neiner...oh my Gah don't do it...next time you will so regret it. I'm just saying.

    I'm just so glad she didn't lose this one. When she did a couple of years ago...well, that was very sad.

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  7. I watched Glee, I loved it. What did you think of it?

    Oh I do that all the time, in those same fiber ads that older woman who is eating all the fiber yogurt was on Desperate Housewives as that baby sitter for that one woman with the wild kids (obviously I don't watch that show any more or I'd remember that character's name! HA!)

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  8. Good news: you can parlay that type of pop culture knowledge into free meals and/or drinks at a pub quiz. That's what my husband and I do with our excess trivia. Actually, I just found out that the company who puts on the pub quizzes we go to here in Denver are going to start doing them in your area beginning later this summer: Geeks Who Drink.

    I love how I'm supposed to sympathize with a stick figure like Heather Armstrong because she has a baby bump (which is about what it looks like to me, whereas I was roughly the size of a beluga a few days before I delivered my spawn). That crap is why women start hating other women. Not that it's right, but I'm just sayin'.

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  9. Best show on TV--- SYTYCD. It's been a long wait. :)

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  10. HA! When I saw the title of this post, I was like, "WAIT! She doesn't mean..." AND THEN YOU DID MEAN EXACTLY THAT! Awesome.

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  11. I totally thought you had kidney stones! So glad I was wrong.

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  12. Yeah, my mom is constantly calling me, asking me to turn on the TV and identify "who is that guy" in whatever show she's watching. Which is funny because she should know by now that I'm a complete idiot at this game. I barely recognize people I work with if I'm seeing them outside of work, so y'all are WAY ahead of me!!!

    And TOTALLY on SYTYCD. Oh, and the clown midget porn had me giggling, trying to imagine such a movie.

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  13. two things:
    1- i am comforted that someone else takes glee in being better than dooce at SOMETHING. if i only i could find something to neener neener at her superawesity. but alas, my baby bump is actually just plain ole fat.

    2- i'm disappointed that the clown midget never gets his little bell rung. but i'll still keep waiting for the movie title. clown porn? what's not to love?

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  14. I LOVE that your post was all random and multiple trains of thought running around in your head and getting out to be posted for us :)

    Thanks! I do the same thing, but haven't had the guts to post when I do write like that...

    Side note, can't wait for So You Think You Can Dance.

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  15. I am giddy that someone else in the world references the kidney stones line in regular conversation. Every time my husband or I have stomach pain, we always diagnose one another with kidney stones. Could it be anything else? Kidney stones.

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  16. We should so be friends. Not only because my name is also Christi....but I also have the same skill. I am always doing the same thing to my fiance.

    I am now trying to convince him that the new spokesman for Coors Light is the one and only Tony Almeda from 24. Just a cleaned up version. My fiance doesn't think so. We have DVR'd the commercial and stopped it and a certain point and I have held up a pic of the actor from the internet up to the TV. IT IS HIM! He still says it isn't.

    Oh well. We know we are right.

    Thanks for the laugh.

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  17. I'm not typically one to get butthurt when other people get all OH MAH GAH I'M SO FAT AND GROSS even though 9 times out of 10 I'm gonna be even fatter than the speaker and I seem to survive okay, but Dooce's constant OH MAH GAH MY BELLY IS SO HUGE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING is starting to offend me. I get that I'm used to walking around with a gut so it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me AND I get that there are plenty of things other than baby bellies that make pregnancy uncomfortable but OKAY ALREADY DOOCE. We get it. Now get back to detailing the glory of the design of a mobile and have that baby already.

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