Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I HATE THIS PART

So here's the thing.

I'm going to lose the weight I want to this time. I have no doubt in my mind. None.

Ugh, but there are lots of parts I hate. HATE. HATE.

Some people say getting started is the hardest part and I think that's a big, fat lie. Getting started is easy. Getting started is saying WOOHOO! and being all eager and bright-eyed and delusional about how long and hard this whole journey* is going to be. You don't think of it as a journey in the beginning. You just think, "Tomorrow I won't eat so many damn carbs and then I will be a size 6!"

It's after the first day,
the first three days,
the first three weeks
that it gets really hard.

Oh, before I forget! Here's the video from Week 4 which I forgot to post here.
I get stuck in my dress and I'm not even kidding. Also there's something about plus-size shopping.

Because that's when you're saddled with reality. And reality is: it's a millionteen times more difficult and time-consuming to lose weight than it is to put it on.

Suddenly you realize you really ARE on a fucking journey, not just a "let's try this out for a little while" escapade.

I will tell you right now: I have been on this journey for five weeks. I am doing fine. Food-wise I have been on-plan every day except ONE. And that was for a dinner party where I actually made Argentinian tamales with corn pudding and you'd better believe I ate them because that is the single most ambitious thing I've done in the kitchen in recent memory, save for when I tried to clean up "flour" while my toddler was playing with water in the sink.

Do not do that. Paste. Everywhere.

Anyway. Drink-wise I have had some cocktails here and there. (As such, I have learned that I can have a drink or two and not gain weight, but I won't lose any, either. MEH.) (But no surprise.)

I have not quite lost 20 pounds. Close, but no.

And that is wonderful, yes, except. UGH. I still weigh more than I did when I GOT pregnant with Towns.

I don't mean to set unrealistic goals. I haven't. The real issue is that I gained weight so quickly with pregnancy (and after it) that my milestones are all messed up.

  • I need to lose 30 pounds before I am the weight I was when I got pregnant.
    Sigh. That wasn't so long ago.
  • I need to lose 40 pounds before I am just about the weight I got to when Medifast was working for me and I was about to head to BlogHer '10.
    This means being able to wear all the clothes I bought around then.
  • I need to lose 45 pounds before I FINALLY ACTUALLY FINALLY ACTUALLY weigh less than I did when I arrived in San Francisco. Ten years ago.
    This was my first target when I started Medifast the last time.
  • I need to lose 50 (fucking) pounds before I weigh under 200.
    My actual first, big, scary, necessary target goal.
Fifty is a lot of pounds. 

Oh, I'll do it. It just means I'll be cranky in the meantime. By which I mean NOW, when I'm almost 20 pounds down and still not fitting into anything.

/cranky

In lieu of a video this week, here is what my progress looks like so far. (Thanks to my iPhone App called "Track Your Weight" and I can't link to it because I can't figure out how.)




For now, we're going to ignore that bright red "Obese" line along the bottom, light years away from my actual weight, that sort of makes it look like I've flatlined.

Next up? Telling you about my trip to the gym and meeting with a trainer where they hook you up to a machine that reads your body cells and then gives you a printout that looks like a receipt that tells you more about your actual body fat and water and muscle than you ever wanted to know. Kind of like the Wii except without the sad trombone music. 




















14 comments:

  1. unlike the rest of the world, i admire people who work hard to become who they want to be. not the naturally skinny.

    i admire work, i admire you.

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  2. I think you're doing a great job! It's not easy, you're right. I'm working on losing weight now, too, and it just plain old stinks.

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  3. I have been on Medifast since the beginning of the year, started out at 250 and am down 70 pounds. It is a long and difficult journey, but so worth it. Those pounds start to add up fast. I know you know that, but just wanted to throw it in :) Keep it up!!! You can do it and it will be worth it in the end.

    -Liz

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  4. When I was a kid, I didn't realize I was shopping in the plus sized section, because for (and praise Jesus), the plus-sized clothes in the girl's section were mixed in with the regular clothes (well, at least at Sears, which was where we shopped a lot, as rural Maine was sort of limited on shopping options). Yay for Sears!

    As a plus sized ADULT, however, shopping SUCKED. Out loud. I don't know who is designing these clothes. I don't know why they think we want to wear them. And I don't know why I should traipse my big ass down past all of the "regular" clothes to buy them... which is why I own a LOT of purses. And shoes.

    Which is a roundabout way of saying: Sister, I feel your pain.

    (Also? That dress is CUTE. Even when it's tucked into your bra.)

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  5. Er, that should have been just "because (and praise Jesus) the plus sized clothes blah blah blah" -- how the "for" sneaked its way in there is a pre-coffee mystery. But the rest remains true.

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  6. This IS the really hard part: I started 2 weeks ago and shed nearly 4 lbs in the first 48 hours, then gained 2 back (WTF). It's discouraging. I was damn near hyperventilating over my weight loss goals last night, then remembered to just adjust = my first goal is 3 lbs. Then 3 more. Then 3 more. Go woman!

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  7. I get shit stuck on myself all the time. I consider it an art form at this point. I also have this exciting body where, no matter what I do, I don't seem to lose weight. Unless I literally eat nothing but meat and exercise approximately 20 hours/week. When I did this, it wasn't light exercise either. It was fighting in martial arts, punching/kicking heavy bags, weight lifting, etc. Then my weight slowly dipped. How is that fair?! Of course, my sister is stick thin and eats garbage. Figures.

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  8. Congratulations on your strength to document this journey and start the journey to begin with. I have started and stopped too many times to count and just hide my mind from it. I am at 225 - 25 pounds MORE than when I walked into the hospital to give BIRTH to my daughter, TWO and HALF years ago. Oy, starting again and hopefully for good this weekend. I am cheering for you!

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  9. I know it's cheesy but if you believe you can do it, then you will.
    The can'ts and won'ts will become smaller and quieter.

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  10. I'm sure you don't want to hear any more of my rah rah rah, but girl, I'm proud of you. And you know I love that you're doing this with both determination and humor. And ... well, you're making me think maybe it's time for me to (re)set some goals and actually do what it takes to get there. I know we're not in the same boat, but being comfortable in your skin is being comfortable in your skin, and I want to be. Oh, hell, you had to go ahead and inspire me, didn't you? Dammit.

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  11. It sucks, but you are doing it. Even when it feels like you're at a standstill. And I promise, even if you aren't seeing the benefit in pounds when you work out and aren't sticking to the strictest diet - You are having an effect on your body, and you'll just get smaller and stronger. Cheering you on from here.

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  12. Hopefully you will feel better about next week :)

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  13. Or maybe now? I keep checking for an update since I am mentally cheering you on everyday! Hope it's going well!

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  14. Great story share in the post. nice your thought and beautiful video share so thanks

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