Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Scenery Has Changed, But...

Ish was away all last weekend, and I spent my time doing something I almost never do.

I watched hours and hours of television.

For some people, this may seem like a bad thing, or a common thing, or whatever. For me, it was a big step. Usually I spend all my alone time at the computer, futzing around online, reading, trying to write/blog, sending emails, IMing, and generally looking stuff up.

I decided to give myself a break from the internets, though. So I watched Bravo's America's Next Top Model Marathon and peppered my viewing with a few Law & Order episodes. It was rather fantastic.

Now.

At one point, I fixed myself a big glass of iced Cherry Vanilla soda. (Note: I did not spike the soda with vodka though I really, really wanted to.) And because the glass was cold, it was dripping condensation.

Better use a coaster! I thought. So I grabbed a coaster and, I seemed to remember, put the glass on top of it. I sat down, got comfortable, and eventually, took my first sip.

But when I went to return the glass to the coffee table, I noticed there was no coaster.

Huh? But didn't I...?

Apparently not. Must be pregnancy brain, I reasoned. Guess I just thought I put a coaster down.

So all deja vu-like, I grabbed a coaster, put the glass on top of it, and went about watching ANTM. (It was the cycle with Monique and Melrose and CariDee and the twins.)

And not until some considerable time later did I realize what had happened.


Do you know what this is a picture of?

No, it's not a picture of my chest with a red wine stain, or a bread crumb, or a piece of popcorn or part of a cracker. No, those are the kinds of things that typically "drip" or "fall off" of whatever I'm eating. Because right. As we've discussed, my boobs seem to have their own gravitational force, and bits of food items that would otherwise fall in people's laps gather in my cleavage.

No, no. In this case, a whole goddamned COASTER! Sitting, stuck on my boob!

And the best part? I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE IT.

Sigh.

Luckily(?) I had my phone next to me, so I was able to take the photo above. But that shot doesn't do the coaster-on-boob ridiculousness justice. So I had to snap several more to get the angle right (hard to do when you're aiming a camera at yourself and only half-trying to keep the coaster stuck to your right breast).

I eventually managed, though:

Nope. I had NO IDEA this was here.


In conclusion: You can take the girl out of the city. You can put a ring on her finger. You can put her in a nice house on a pleasant street and give her fancy amenities. Like coasters. You can even leave her alone, where she can't possibly humiliate herself and she will still, no matter what, exude breezy elegance.

13 comments:

  1. looks similar to a nursing pad, but I'm sure you're aware that they go inside the bra, right?

    I love weekend daytime television...I can catch up on all the reality shows on bravo.

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  2. OH MY LORD. This is the funniest thing I've seen in a while.

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  3. I laughed, truly...thank you.

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  4. Thank you for this...it totally made my day!

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  5. I thought it may have gotten caught up on your belly! :)

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  6. I do so love the term "breezy elegance" and will forever be grateful to you for introducing me to it. And that totally looks like something that would've happened to me. My boobs seem to exert a similar force.

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  7. WOW!

    You'd think that would have been something you could feel.

    But I'm glad you told us anyway. :)

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  8. ohmygod you are funny!


    (and the word verification is 'finess')

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  9. I was reminded of you (and your blog) while catching up on my NPR podcasts tonight. Ben Folds has an a cappella cd done by university groups that just came out. While I'll admit it's never been a genre I have listened to, the taste that was given was simply amazing. The work that goes into the arrangements takes a great deal of musical theory knowledge. It just gave me a peek into something you mention often but I never grasp.

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  10. Boobs ARE magnets, I KNEW someone agreed. Also, i think the label "my boobs collect things" is classic

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  11. Good! I like breezy elegance!
    This made me laugh. :) Also, I really love that "my boobs collect things" is a tag. Thirdly, I recently rediscovered allowing myself to sit around and watch TV. It can be good sometimes--it's more passive than the Internet and can give your brain a nice break.

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  12. It's like a new kind of pastie!

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