Sunday, September 27, 2009

Money Shot

We took Eve out to dinner tonight, because that's maybe the best way Ish and I get to have quality time with each other. When we're home, we each fall into our own trying-to-keep-up-with-household-responsibilities routines and don't tend to have real "conversations." You know.

So we get home, and Eve's awake for whatever reasons. I am sitting on the sofa, in a reclined position, wearing a cute, all-black outfit. I didn't exactly "dress up" for dinner, but I wanted to look different than my usual, sweatpants-covered-in-spit-up self.

Yes, well.

I was holding Eve under her arms, straight up over my chest, her feet on my chest as though she were standing on my breastbone. She was cooing happily, her legs extended and knees slightly bent.

But then, quite suddenly, her facial expression changed, and next thing I knew she was shaking. Almost like a tremor or seizure, but not quite that violent. I didn't like it. Of course, by the time I was sure she was shaking, it had passed.

Still, I said aloud, "I don't like you shaking like that. I don't ever want anything to be wrong with you." And then I laid her on my chest and stomach, wrapped my arms around her and said with great affectation while looking at Ish, "YOU STAY RIGHT HERE FOREVER."

It was a sweet moment: me, holding my daughter tightly in my arms saying I wanted to hold and protect her from harm, always.

Except that the moment I uttered the "-ver" part of "FOREVER," she projectile spit-up all over me.

My neck, chest, breastbone/cleavage, and shirt got doused. It was violent. (But at least it explained the shaking.)

Ish rushed to my side to try to clean it up, but didn't quite make it to me before he bent over in fits of laughter. Eventually he was able to stop his laugh-tears long enough to remove Evie from my immediate vicinity, whereupon he started mopping up my chest. When he thought was done, he pushed my boobs aside -- in a parting of the boob sea kind of motion -- as if to kiss me between them. Which is when he noticed that there at the base of my bra was a virtual POOL of spit-up.

It doesn't get sexier than this, folks.



15 comments:

  1. Love the pic! And hey, at least you guys can laugh (eventually!) about these types of situations. I was eating out with my sis, Bro-In-Law and baby nephew at Outback. We got the check, the kid looked at the check and proceeded to projectile vomit all over the table. It was gross and yet so funny. We were laughing so hard and trying to get stuff to clean it up. My poor sister was mortified. It was a magical and yet GROSS moment to see the arc of yak. The nephew had to be de-pantsed at the table and brought out to the car. Funny, I had just taken pics of him holding the check so the seconds preceding the arc of yak will be forever kept. I hope at least you enjoyed the dinner!

    - Mon

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  2. Awesome. Oh the many joys of parenthood. The true money shot is when she shoots poop into Ish's eyes. My husband was at home with the baby while I had to go into work on a Saturday. He called me having histerics and said that my son had pooped in his eye. (He was on antibiotics for thrush. Thrush had already ran through his body and his system was REALLY messed up. I was a 1st time mom and thought it was milk in his mouth.) He lifed Chase up to wipe the lower part of his back and then it happened. I'm laughing just thinking about it.

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  3. You are now officially a mom!!!! It's happened to all of us and while it's gross at that very moment, telling the story later will make you laugh.

    Eve is beautiful. What a wonderful blessing!!

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  4. Heh, heh...I'm thinking of all the times (it's takes me a while to catch on) that my 'preshus babey' emitted a cute burp and followed it up with a mighty upchuck.

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  5. Oh, ick - reminds me of a story a girlfriend of mine told me... She was taking a bath with her year-old son and was thinking to herself "precious moments" and such, feeling very tender-hearted - until a big chunk of poop floated past.

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  6. Hmm...I think I'm getting my tubes tied tomorrow! LOL

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  7. And then the two of you headed to the bedroom to discuss Denise's rule for post pregnancy sex, right? ;-)

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  8. My son had pyloric stenosis a few weeks after he was born. Talk about ya projectile vomiting..well, he probably could have set records and it freaked me out pretty badly. It has been 47 years ago, but I still remember it like yesterday. The doctor gave him some drops...belladona, I think it was. He was a very mellow little boy after that. Eventually it went away. But he has had a touchy tummy ever since. His son didn't have any problem with it at all.

    Love the onesy, too. :)

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  9. Completely and totally awesome. Thanks for sharing.

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  10. I have so been there.

    Welcome to motherhood, :)

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  11. I swear the timing of projectile vomit is never the right time. haha. But hey at least you guys had a good laugh out of it

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  12. Yum!
    I had such a spitter-upper newborn coupled with perpetually leaking breasts, washing our bedsheets became a Sisyphus-like exercise (as in, eventually we just slept in it).

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