Oh, And "Walk Like An Egyptian" Needs Its Own Entry

My BFF, Emily and I listened to Walk Like An Egyptian approximately 30 million times in the span of maybe two months (oh, sixth grade! How I miss you and your crimping iron!), and knew every single syllable to that song.

 CRIMPED BANGS FTW!!!

Well, except we didn't.

This morning, Ish and I were playing our "for the baby" playlist I received as a baby shower gift for Eve, and Emily had added Walk Like An Egyptian (because you must start the children YOUNG if they are to have a proper musical education).

Also I would like to point out that I am now blogging about EGYPT which makes me a relevant and socially conscious blogger.

Anyway.  As I was singing along I realized that I STILL sing about 50% of the song totally, completely, unmistakeably WRONG.

But before we get to my 11-year-old-self's lyrics to Walk Like An Egyptian, I need to be sure that a) you've read the comments in my last post, because they are pee-in-your-pants funny; b) you will read the additional lyrics people sent me on Twitter (below); and c) marvel in the fact that someone who commented on the last post actually WORKS WITH MY SISTER (the one who sings about boogers) but didn't know it.

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN*(Words in red are incorrect)

All the old paintings on the tomb

They do the san dance, on you know

[No, never occurred to me that it would be a "sand dance."]

If you move too quick (OH WAY OH)

They're falling down like a domino

[Also, hooray for the "OH WAY OH" parts because EVERYONE got those right.]

Oh the fizo man, by the Nile

[your guess is as good as mine]

They got your money, on your back

The crocodiles (OH WAY OH)

They snap their teeth on a cigarette

All the guys with the hookah pies say

[Yes, I sang hookah "pies" - it rhymed with "guys"] 

WAY OH WAY OH

OH WAY OH

WAY OH

Walk like an Egyptian

The Bond waitresses take their trays

[First I thought it was "born" waitresses.
Then I moved on and decided it was Bond, as in James Bond girls. As waitresses.]

They spin around and they cross the floor

They got the moves (OH WAY OH)

You drop your drink then they bring you more

All the school kids so sick of books

They like the funk and the middle ben

[I didn't know what a middle ben was, either.]

When the buzzer rings (OH WAY OH)

They're walking like an Egyptian

All the kids in the marketplace say...

Slight feet hit the street, bend your back

Shift your rum, then you bullet pack

[Um? No.]

Like sardine oil (OH WAY OH) 

[Sardine oil??? My favorite line of the song, I think]

So strike a pose on a Cadillac 

[what's funny here is that I thought I was making THOSE words up!]

If you wanna find all the cops

They're hanging out in the donut shops

They sing and dance (OH WAY OH)

They spin the cocoons down the block

[Because that's what cops do, right? With their cocoons?]

All the Japanese with their Yen

The party boys called The Gremlin

[Oh, those partying Gremlins!]

And the Chinese know (OH WAY OH)

They walk along like Egyptians

All the cops in the donut shops say...

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Wow. I loved that song a LOT.

Here are some additional hilarious lyrics, brought to you from my friends on Twitter. Which is your favorite? I think "Go, go, Jason, Santa Claus!" might be mine.

lisaflo 

Forgot to tell you the fave of my misunderstood lyrics: "Michelle, my belle. Sunday morning play piano song. Play piano song."

melrut01 

My friend Joanna thought "Smack yo bitch up" was "Snap your picture." Told her the real lyric and she said she liked hers better.

melrut01 

My friend thought the line in Biggie's "Hypnotize" was "I just love your Fascist ways." And she kept belting it out in the car.

Falvar 

I thought Rocket Man was "burning up a suit of herring bone"

cowgrrlup

"don't go chasin waterfalls" to my baby brother was "go go Jason, Santa Claus" for YEARS.

HazlEyes 

another friend thought "like a drifter I was born to walk alone" from Whitesnake's Here I Go Again (obvs) was "like a twister..."

HazlEyes 

a college roomie thought "There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do" from Toto's Africa was "a hundred men on Mars"

Plookster 

I thought "Round yon virgin" in Silent Night was "Round John Virgin."

mcpolish1 

I thought fine young cannibals sang "she drives me crazy & I cant pay half my bills."

NapaValleyChick

my son thought "what about love" in the Swiffer commercials was "watermelon." I'm sure that's what Heart really meant.

hellohahanarf 

I fucked up John Cougar's "Diane don't sound like all that much fun" into "Dying don't sound" (& thought well no shit!)

theloudcorral 

a friend of mine thought the line "drink up baby doll" in a song was "ching chong baby doll" and was confused by the racism

molchase
The one that always gets me is "I don't want to come back down from this clown" in the Bush song "Comedown." I figured there was some kind of carnival ride involved, like a ferris wheel.

laurenmcneil 

I thought it was "Honest I See You," too!! Hand to god. I still sing it that way sometimes for nostalgic reasons.

clairnation 

"There's a bad moon on the rise" can easily be mistaken for "there's a bathroom on the right."

DMBastian 

My boss used to sing "All we are is just in the wind" and "crazy for a shotglass man". :)

MissCDas

my friend in hs sang Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar on Me" as "1 + 2 is 3" he had no idea why I laughed so hard I fell of the couch.

AmySphere 

does it count if this one time, an ex of mine wrote me a break-up note using lines from a phil collins song?

seattlestevie 

As a kid, I thought Neil Diamond's "Forever in Blue Jeans" was actually "Reverend Blue Jeans".

laurenmcneil

My cousin and I used to sing "Trashy wants my wiiiiife" instead of "Try to see it once my wayyyy" in bush's "Everything Zen." To our credit, we were 14 and they were British.

CathyIsReal 

Had a friend in high school who BELTED the lyrics "You're the Wizard of Oz, oooh, oooh, ooh" (You're the One That I Want)

thecupcaketent 

In Billie Jean, thought it was "Be careful who you do bc a life becomes of you" I legit thought it was a profound msg for safe sex