I Am Not Waiting For Him To Call

in case you were wondering, i am not waiting for him to call.

i was not waiting for him to call throughout my entire work day yesterday while i was diligently working and occasionally* checking my personal email account to not see if he'd written.

and actually, there were many many things i was occupying my time (and head) with yesterday while i was not waiting to hear from him, all of which i will detail for you now at this god-awful hour of the morning because i am awake because i went to bed early because i was not waiting for him to call last night, either.

like, talking PinkJaime into getting ONE drink with me after work. and then miraculously stopping after only two drinks(!) because i had to go run distracting errands. which, truth be told, consisted solely of shopping for cat food.

(oh man. is that maybe the saddest thing i've yet admitted? that i left a bar with my darling friend after two drinks because i had to shop for cat food? while not waiting for a boy (i barely know) to call? *sigh*)

well, in my defense, i did absolutely have to go to the store to buy cat food because my cats were getting ready to stage a mutiny. i've mentioned how i'm not maybe so on top of things? well, some days my cats bear the brunt of this, which translates into my having pleading conversations with them in the morning explaining that they have a very bad cat mommy but that i do really love them very much and that i promise i am going to go out and hunt for good food instead of the filler backup food i've been giving them and that when i return i will have something they really like, i swear. and then i beg them to understand and to please not pee in the kitchen while i'm gone.

and then for those of you who do not have cats (or who have low-maintenance cats, if there exists such a thing, though basically if you want a low-maintenance cat your'e better off just getting a dog) you might think that running to the store to get cat food is a simple, non-distraction-worthy activity. and you would be wrong.

how my inner dialogue works, in front of the cat food aisle, after two drinks:

"oh look, cheap cat food. too bad they won't eat that. you'd think they would. you'd think you could just offer them that or nothing and they'd be grateful, eventually. yeah, no. no one wants to live with my cats when they are cranky about their food and so yes, here we are at the Fancy Feast portion of the aisle. god, they've got quite a selection. i wish my cats ate normal stuff. no no, not the plain stuff. not the minced. not the flaked. ah, here's the sliced. but not fish-related sliced. only beef or turkey or chicken sliced. right. wait, that pink color, the chicken giblets, they won't eat that either. put that back. oh look! they like the new line of marinated, too. they are branching out, my cats, thank god i have more options now. oh wait, but they didn't like the marinated salmon. fucking cats. wow! they now have marinated beef! they love the sliced beef so much, i wonder if marinated beef will be their new favorite. they will be so happy with my new discovery! god, i wish i could just buy only the beef flavors and call it a day, but we know how well THAT goes over..."

and so goes the 15 minutes of standing in the cat food aisle, staring at rows and rows of cans that hold the key to my cats' happiness.

what? do you think i'm making any of that up? i'm totally not. my cats will not eat anything for more than three days in a row except for the dry food they like, which for some reason is the cheapest stuff on the market. but they will get very, very angry with me if i feed them only said dry food. so now they have dry food constantly available to them and then i give them wet food once a day (when i don't run out of it).

oh and i know you think they're spoiled, but YOU try changing their diets and then living with them. seriously.

anyway, back to my distractions.

i got home and fed the cats. and then myself. and i had chicken. and that was good because it further distracted me because when i eat chicken, sherlock stalks me. and he is sneaky. he will dive bomb me from all angles, aiming for my chicken with great dexterity (and sharp claws). so meals take twice as long as they normally would when i'm forced to play Chicken Keep-Away with my cat. and you certainly cannot wait for the phone to ring while you are playing Chicken Keep-Away. nope.

however, not waiting for him to call became a little bit harder as the evening wore on. because if you were him, you would probably wait until evening to not call, wouldn't you? erm, not that i was thinking in those terms.

so anyway this, dear imaginary internet friends, is when knitting becomes especially useful. because when you are winding finely woven yarn around four itty-bitty (size 5, kids) needles and having to count and purl and things while also half-watching bridget jones for the 40 millionth time, there is absolutely no way you can be waiting for him to call. hooray for knitting!

and then gosh, by 8:45 i was so so so tired, i couldn't possibly stay up any later. because i haven't gotten much sleep lately and knitting takes so so so much out of me and really, if i am going to be partying all weekend with NO ONE IN PARTICULAR then i should definitely take this time to catch up on my beauty rest.

and that's exactly what i did. and was asleep by 9.

unfortunately, this is why i was up by 6:15 a.m.

writing this.

because i am still absolutely not in the least in any way at all waiting for him to call.



  1. Ah, the not-waiting-for-him-to-call evening at home. I like to spend that time drinking wine or beer so that by if some miracle he does call, I am just tipsy enough to say something inappropriate.

  2. i hope this isn't a "smug married" thing to suggest, by why don't you give *him* a call?

    the script goes something like this:

    hey, how are you doing? i just wanted to let you know i had a really great time the other night, and to see how you're doing. (works equally well on voicemail)

    if the topic of this weekend comes up, then you can either tell him that you've got a few possibilities of things to do, but no firm plans, and then either ask him to join you for something specific, or ask if he wants to hang out.

    or, have you already left a few messages?

  3. I totally blew it on one of those "waiting for him to call" things. I WAS hoping he'd call, but I got fed up with the wait, so I decided to go out with a significantly less interesting boy (SLIB) out of spite. And, of course, I ran into boy of great interest (BOGI) while I was out with SLIB.

    BOGI had called me TWICE! at work earlier in the week, and I had been offsite at a training thing, and I forgot to change my voice mail message (or check my messages), HE thought I was ducking HIM because I wasn't interested. Seeing me out with SLIB on the day we were to get together really drove that point home.

    As Bridge would say: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

  4. I say that you call him too. Just do it.

  5. The not-waiting-waiting-for-him-to-call is the worst.

    Just be careful you don't drink too much wine and start drunk texting...

  6. Not waiting for him to call sucks. Sucks big ones. Calling him would be very, very bad. Resist the urge. ...okay, now I TOTALLY get the cat thing. My brats get dry food free fed, but at night when I get home from work, they get yummy, yummy juicy food. They just love me when I come home from work...love, love, love me. And I made the mistake last week of getting the WRONG food. I got the pate instead of the little meat chunky things. WHO KNEW THAT MADE A DIFFERENCE? THE FLAVORS ARE THE SAME, DAMN IT!!! So, I get it. Really, I do. Hours at Petsmart in the cat food aisles. Stupid, stupid me.

  7. Oh man, I can totally related to pampered pets. My dogs drink bottled water. And one has an allergist, hypoallergenic food, and special essential oils for his skin. And once I had a vet who prescribed a hamster chemo. I drew the line on that one.

  8. I haven't had this problem yet.

    It's much easier when they're kittens and your only choices are Friskies Kitten Formula in Mixed Grill or Turkey flavors.

    I do toss in a little of the FancyFeast seafood feasts though. And damn, yes, there are rows and rows of Fancy Feast.

  9. There is SO much Fancy Feast!! Thankfully my cats are...uh... undiscriminating in their tastes.

    Cats and knitting are good. They keep a girl distracted.


  10. oh you guys, i love you SO much for thinking i hadn't already called. LOVE YOU!

  11. shit. so then you're really waiting for him to call, huh.

  12. Yes, yes. I am in a similar situation, sitting around waiting for my Woman of Interest to call me. Sucks, doesn't it?

    Maybe I should take up my knitting again while I'm waiting for the phone to ring. See that? You're an inspiration to me.

  13. Just because he doesn't call doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

    I still think all these people are imaginary.

  14. my cats only like the stuff that costs $14 a bag (the small bag). As if it wasn't enough owning 2 cats, I have ones with upscale tastes. They laughed at me when I even tried Science Diet - I swear I heard one tell the other that its really just Purina in a fancy bag. Ugh, damn snobs.

    in my opinion, he may call... just take solice in a nice boxed wine and stay away from any text-messaging objects.

    oh and I think Jake above is imaginary...

  15. I'm crying about the cat food isle. People, she really not making that up, and I know because I do the same exact thing. And I have to play chicken keep away with Kristen too! She really and truely believes that all chicken that enters the house is her rightful property. She YELLS at me when she sees me eating chicken. Oh man that was so familar Kristy.

    (Do you get them that catsip milk? I get it for Kristen for a snack. Now she thinks she owns all the milk in the house as well.)

  16. Too funny about the fancy feast- I used to have the same conversation with myself every time I went out for cat food. My cats were on a kick where they would only eat minced seafood flavors- nothing else.

    Now, per my vet's orders, they are on an organic catfood/fresh (prepared by me) meat/bottled water diet. And to think I used to complain about the fancy feast pickiness. Those were the days....

  17. It's after wednesday and you should absolutely not take his phone calls. Til Monday. ;) As in "oh i've been so busy I totally forgot that it's been a week and you may have left that message on ... oh what was it... Friday? Oh who knows.. .but oh I've been soooo busy that I just haven't had ANY time to call. But now it's monday and I have time to grace you with my presence. Because it is MONDAY after all. ;)"

    Sorry to sound really snippy about it. But if a man wants to take you out again, he will call by wednesday to arrange plans. Seriously.

    Every guy that has been head over heels with me (maybe about 3 in my lifetime... cough cough) has SO called WAY before wednesday that wednesday came without a thought.

    And you should get the book "He's Just Not That Into You." That book saved my best friend from this sort of hell. It's cheesy and smarmy and elementary school reading but it has a few good points.

    Maybe just get it at the library. Save your money for some martinis.

  18. okay...the guy is an ass for not calling you...he should know better. he should be calling you every hour to make sure you still like him...he should be basking in your glory....you know, like all of us imaginary internets friends.

    on a whole other topic....how about doing a video conference on june 9th to all the imaginary internets friends and the bars they will be in toasting you?

  19. DON'T CALL!!!! DON'T DON'T DON'T!!!!! I'm NOT waiting for a phone call as well. I HATE guys. I'm so stressed. So sad. Hate him hate him hate him. *crying*

  20. K, if he's worth it, he'll call, otherwise waste no more time not waiting for him to call. there's always other interesting ones out there!

  21. I can totally relate to the inner monologue in the cat food aisle. No, I don't have cats. I *do* have a teenage daughter who sometimes asks me to purchase feminine hygiene products for her.


  22. I'm thinkin' about the other end of the not calling/not waiting thing, 'cause gals STILL do not call guys. Who's the queen now, Victoria? It's the freakin' 22nd century or something and gals still can't call guys?! WTF!? (a slightly different nuance than ?!)

    I know the Rules say you don't want to seem too eager, but the books for guys say the SAME THING! Hold back, maintain the mystery, don't seem too eager, 'cause once you are "caught", they lose interest. I want to call, but if I can't tell if she's yawning, how much rope do I hang myself with, and then there's "confidence is sexy, indecision isn't" (I could write 1000 words on that one!) and I'm NOT leaving a message! Are we all crazy?

    Well, yes. I'm gonna totally make me one of these "blog" thingies and write you about it when I have a name, and then talk about it at the castle, if I can get there. All the previous have been great fun, but this one was a bit TOO painful!!

    Maybe Blog Of Boy Dating Other Gender

  23. Ok, I'm an addict of your writing (and a single guy who saw your profile online). When someone likes you, they have no problem calling you. When they don't, it is easy to find reasons/excuses to not call (work, really busy, etc.) Rule #1 of dating: only date people who like you. FYI - the Auntie Mame quotes are great (it is/was my mother's favorite movie so I know it pretty well, Ms. Gooch). :-)

  24. there is such a thing as a low maintenance cat - i have two of them. they're called "outdoor cats." they have a cat door, a low key neighborhood to explore, a bevy of mice to chase, fresh catnip plants and dry cat food left for them. they never complain and love it when we occasionally give them some leftover fish. they don't even use the litter box, except in the dead of winter.

  25. Do not call him! Trust me on this one! Im going through the same thing and I know it puts you in a gross place in your head, but don't do it! It puts you in control....ok, this is what everyone tells me...I'll let you know if it works, yeah, right...ha ha...

  26. oh bless your little cat loving heart. I grew up watching my mom slave to the cat appetites. my andlord won't let me have a cat and my dog would eat sludge if it meant she was getting fed. But I remember mom explaining the secret spy codes of cat food. And for anyone out there who thinks the cats will eat anything if they get hungry enough.... nope. It's like an IRA hunger strike with those furry little fascists. You have my sympathies.

  27. In the same boat--on both counts!
    He DID send an e-mail saying he was out on west coast time, and after wining-dining clients, feels it is too late to call me. Ummmm...I'm a school teacher out for the summer! you can call me at 3:00 in the morning! And he is usually not gone for an entire week, but still haven't heard from him.

    As for the cats...I have 1 picky eater, 1 who will eat anything, and another on a special diet because he gets bladder stones otherwise--and THAT food is expensive and evidentally not very tastey to a cat.

  28. This post and conversation in the comments makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Cry because we all just run in circles in the same dating rat race, trying to get ahead but instead covering the same ground a million times over, and laugh because, hell, our own incompetency is funny. Eventually.

    In response to Anne, I love that book and own it. It's here. And as for that johnnytremaine character, does he actually live in the 18th century? Or has he just been holed up in his house playing D&D until now?

  29. Glad to find a group of people I can commiserate with. My friends organized a social gathering so I could meet this single guy friend of theirs. I thought we had a good conversation...he told my friend he was interested in me so I thought I would do the bold modern women thing and ask him out. I left a message on his answering machine and have not heard from him in over a week.

    My high maintenance cat lives with my parents because my former stray did not want to be an indoor apartment cat and was forever escaping....he also eats expensive cat to prevent to avoid getting stones in his urinary tract system. I have very understanding parents.


Post a Comment

Popular Posts