Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A List Of Random. You Are So Very Welcome.

  1. I feel like a complete idiot most of the time, but maybe never more so than when I'm typing quickly and misspell my own name and don't realize it until AFTER I hit "send." In an email to a client.

  2. You know what pisses me off a lot? Like, a LOT a lot? People who expect praise and accolades and promotions and raises simply for doing their actual job. Promotions and raises come from growth, from going above and beyond what's expected of you, from taking initiative. Promotions and raises are NOT the result of you showing basic competency at the job we hired you for.

    I am not referring to anyone in particular, although someday maybe I will tell you about the guy at my first job who made me fume on a regular basis for just this sort of thing. But wouldn't that be petty of me?

  3. Have you ever seen a dog eat a piece of cheese or meat that had a pill in it? And then like, gnaw and slurp at it but ultimately leave just the pill on the floor, covered in gross? That's sort of how I feel when eating artichokes.

    If a food is like, 90% inedible I kind of think humans maybe shouldn't bother with the other 10%.

    Pre-made artichoke dip is an exception.

  4. This morning I awoke to a text from my babysitter that asked if she could reschedule for tomorrow. A perfectly reasonable request. That made me cry.

    It's just four hours, but it means my plans for getting shit done today have been completely torpedoed. I won't be able to be productive. (I should not be blogging right now, I should be working; except I am full of writey/bloggy thoughts and need to get them out before Eve wakes from her brief, second-of-only-two naps.) I just suddenly felt helpless.

    And then I cried harder because I thought I was being so selfish, wanting four hours to myself. And WHAT KIND OF MOTHER AM I?  Who, at certain points in the day and week, prefers working to watching her own child?

  5. I just finished Week 6, Day 2 of C25K this morning and it was the hardest yet. Not because the run itself was particularly hard, I just was having an off day. (Possibly because of the babysitter text above?)

    So I guess I just wanted to say that the C25K isn't all sunshine and rainbows for me, either. Usually it takes a couple minutes for me to warm up and feel okay, and that just never happened today.  It sucked the whole time.

  6. Also, I need new music. I like stupid, bad, cheesy, pop/dance/remix stuff that has a great beat to run to.  Favorites right now (don't judge) (well, okay, judge, but try running to these before you do):
    - Now I'm A Believer (the Smashmouth version). AWESOME to run to.
    - Hey Ya!
    - Because of You (remix) (SHUT UP)
    - Talk Dirty to Me
    - Gimme Hope, JoAnna (Eddie Grant)

  7. Are you going to BlogHer? Because I am. And you know what? I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. In all the years I ran the conference, I never had time to do the stuff everyone else does. I shopped for clothes at the last minute and always felt like a stuffed sausage, draped in black, clomping around in shoes that gave me blisters EVEN THOUGH I opted for comfort over any discernible style.

    I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to having actual conversations with people that don't involve how much they dislike the lunch or how I could improve things next year.

    I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to not having sweat pouring down my head and the crazylady manic look in my eyes all day, every day, for a week.

    I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to NOT being the person that everyone comes to with questions that no human could possibly answer.

    I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to attending parties! To hanging out! To having a glass of wine mid-day because I just happen to feel like it.

    I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to getting to go out and see the city that the conference is in! I hear there are some things to do in New York.

  8. And speaking of hanging out at BlogHer, I'm suggesting we make a little pre-drinking happy hour on Friday. Please meet me at 4 p.m. at the Hilton Lounge. Just because! Fun!

  9. And not to make you jealous, although probably you will be, but guess who I'm meeting in real, live person while I'm in New York? Dan and Brooke.  And the angels wept.

  10. LASTLY! Do you remember what you were listening to when you lost your virginity? A friend of mine just launched this website called Virgin Ears. You should go confess there. It's good, hilarious stuff.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Project Mom Casting: "I do nothing right, and then I tell the internet about it."

This post was written for the express purpose of Project Mom Casting. Don't you think I should totally be in a reality tv show/movie about mombloggers and other crazypants internet people!?!?!

 * * * * * * * * * * * 

My point of view about being a mom, a blogger, an active participant in social media, and a human being who makes lots of mistakes and generally has crumbs all over her cleavage is this: there's no point in being anything but honest, even though that means the internet is probably going to yell at you.

Do you guys remember that comment war on my post about MAYONNAISE?

It helps that I have a sense of humor the size of my ass.

I started blogging over five years ago when I was a single, messy twentysomething living alone in San Francisco with stupid cats (SEXY!) and going on lots of bad Craigslist dates.  I gained something of a following.

I blogged about my lifelong struggle with weight and weightloss.  Even more people could relate to that.

I eventually blogged about the dissolution of my first ("starter") marriage. How, two weeks after my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given just months to live, my husband left me. OVER THE PHONE.

Folks were a little surprised about that story.

I blogged about everything embarrassing in my life, which was everything in my life because I am a messy, spilly, wholly inelegant woman.

And now I blog about how I am 35, still struggling with weight, but somehow living in Napa(!) with my husband(!) and even more(!) stupid cats. And our one-year-old daughter.

I had to start my life over, and I did. That's what my blog is about.

In a more immediate sense, well. I do pretty much nothing right, and then I tell the internet about it.

In terms of being a mom, this means I drank wine when I was pregnant. I breastfed my baby for a few months but I also supplemented with formula and then switched to formula and suffered the wrath of both the lactivists AND the pro-formula feeders. Sometimes I feed my child organic vegetables that I steam-cook myself, and sometimes she eats processed cheese puffs that aren't a color found in nature. Sometimes my infant watches a LOT of Yo Gabba Gabba. (How else can mom make a conference call?)

Because you asked, my end game is to be a wildly beautiful, successful, happy and well-adjusted person whose child requires only like, the barest amount of therapy. In the meantime, I'll just keep blogging it all. I firmly believe that one day I will manage to leave the house in a non-boob-stained shirt.

Oh, and this is me:
Well, and so is this:

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Slow And Steady Wins The Race Unless The Race Is Hitting That Goal Weight Before BlogHer

I weigh over 200 pounds.

There. Now I've said it. Let it sink in, if you need to.

I have never been willing (or able) to tell you that before because that number -- that point on the scale I can't believe I ever got to LET ALONE got waaaaay over -- has been my greatest personal mark of shame ever.

I've spent a ton of time and energy writing about my weight here. I don't think I need to reiterate that my self-esteem isn't based on a number on a scale. I am perfectly happy and self-confident about the other bazillion facets of my life in which I'm engaged. I wrote a very important (if I do say so) post about how being fat doesn't have to mean being miserable, not even a little bit.

But, right. That doesn't mean I'm pleased with my weight. That doesn't mean I like weighing over 200 pounds.

Frankly, I never thought I'd see the day when I'd tell you that.

But you know what? I am confident that I will not be at this weight for much longer, AND that once I dip below 200, I will never, ever return.

I'm no longer afraid. 200+ is on its way out.


Um, however.

I had hoped that I would fall below the 2-0-0 line before BlogHer.  I'd been absolutely certain that, by the time the first week of August rolled around and I was squeezing myself onto a cross-country plane, my weight would begin with a numeral "1." Finally.

It was an arbitrary deadline, but one I had no doubt I'd hit.  Except ah, I didn't hit it.  I'm going to come really close (within 5 pounds, I think). But no cigar.

And with that, let me bring you up to speed on my weight-loss/fitness progress.


I am still doing Medifast and I still love it. But I've been less than diligent about following the plan,

I have no excuse.

It's super easy to do, and when I'm consistent in following the rules, I lose weight. The problem is that when I go off the rails, I do so with VIGOR. And every time I fall off the wagon, it takes a few days to get back on track. That's the way the program works.

So I sabotage myself. A bad cycle will be, say: I've had a great couple days of being on-plan and working out. The scale is starting to move in the right direction. It's Friday night. I decide to have a cocktail or glass of wine. Then, because of the wine, I start to feel hungry and have less willpower than usual. I make a small bad decision food-wise, and then I think, "Well, I'm already off-plan, MAY AS WELL GO ALL THE WAY."

Which is stupid but there you go.

Big-picture, for the last month or so, I've been eating on-plan about 80% of the time. But that doesn't translate to losing 80% of what I could be losing. It's less than that. I, mean, I'm making this up based on what I've experienced, but it's more like 25%-40%.

In other words, that extra 20% motivation -- being on plan 100% -- would mean I could lose weight two to three times faster than I'm losing now. It means I'd have hit my goal and then some (where "some" = "a LOT"), and shopping for what to wear at BlogHer would have be a far less hive-inducing event.

But I haven't.

I'm not giving up. Not even close. I'm just a little disappointed.

It's actually a lot like trying to get into college. My grades in high school were okay, but not great. They could have been great if I'd cared at all or, you know, tried.  But I didn't. I somehow thought that because I should get into great schools, I would.  I did the minimum amount of work possible to do "above average," and just assumed that because I belonged in a top-tier school, I'd get into one.

I didn't.

And here we are, so many years later, and I've not really learned my lesson. I am doing the minimum amount of work possible to lose weight, and yet assume that I'll see dramatic results every time I step on the scale.

I don't.

Funny how that works.


If you're following me on Twitter or have friended me on Facebook, you know that -- shockingly and completely, 100% unforeseeably -- yes. I am still doing the "Couch to 5K."


I cannot explain this. I don't know what has happened to me. I don't have any idea what will become of me. I am fully expecting to wake up one day and be all, "What? Go for a JOG? Are you fucking kidding me? I don't do THAT." and things will be back to normal.

But for now, I am LOVING this stupid program.

Oh, I still hate every second of "running" (which is still slow-as-molasses-jogging, but whatever, potato-potahto) (OOH! POTATOES! FRENCH FRIES! OM NOM!) (nooooo, shhhh, Medifast shakes, mmmmmm!), but I:
- Love the structure of the program
- Love that I feel progress every single time I do a new day
- Love how much stronger I feel every week
- LOVE that I was able to run for 20 minutes straight at the end of week five!

And, most surprising of all is that I've been able to do this all while weighing over 200 pounds.  I have my issues with The Biggest Loser, but I'll tell you something. If it weren't for that show, I'd have never believed I was physically capable of running at my current weight. 

The only downside at all has been that my jogging work-out successes definitely contribute to my feeling like I don't have to be as good on my diet.

Logically, I know that this will eventually be true. That when I weigh like, 50 pounds less than I do now and can run 30+ minutes throughout the week, that will probably off-set a french fry here and there.

Logically, I know that running two intervals of 8 minutes does not mean I can eat anything I want for an entire weekend.

And yet.


Um. Shopping is still a complete disaster, my body is totally between sizes, the red dress was 1000% anti-climactic and I am going to be wearing a garbage bag to BlogHer.

But perhaps these statements deserve their own blog entry.

So how about you? I know some of you have started Medifast, and I know some of you have started the C25K. How's it going?

Friday, July 16, 2010

I Have A One-Year-Old

Eve Elizabeth Boston turned one year old on July 8. Truly a momentous day for many reasons, but mostly Ish and I celebrated the fact that we managed to keep a tiny human being alive and whole for a full year. She's not even scarred! Much!

I'm trying to figure out how to best describe the first year with baby, and overall I'd have to say it's been full of surprises and utterly delightful.

I know that's cheesy.

It's just that we had no idea what to expect. Everyone -- EVERYONE -- told us eighty different ways that babies change everything. That we couldn't possibly be prepared for how different our lives would be after the baby. That our grown-up lives as we know them would be gone FOREVER.

And I suppose that's true. But maybe it's because we're older? Maybe because we've both been around the block a few times? Maybe because both our parents always made time for their relationship? I don't know. Having a baby certainly made our lives different, but mostly it's just been great.

What I'm trying to say is: I was pretty well aware of how "disruptive" and all-consuming having a child would be, and she was. And it's been awesome.

I didn't quite expect how hard it would be to get anything done, like, ever. Or that working from home would mean I'd never have a spare second of time for me.  Or that I'd need to rely on a sitter/nanny a lot. Or that I'd look up and it would be three months later and aside from a non-scarred child, I'd have nothing to show for myself.

But I guess a non-scarred child is kind of a big deal. So I'll take it.

I said early on that Eve seemed to be an easy baby. The response to that was always, "Just you wait." I was warned over and over again that a terrible infant was lurking inside her, and would burst free at any moment to wreak havoc and misery on our lives.

Except that didn't happen. In fact, she was so good (and continues to be so good) that I don't even want to write about it because other new moms will hate me.

In the last few weeks especially, Eve has started to blossom. She is more interactive, and all of her traits are suddenly amplified. She is extremely chatty; she squeals and yells and squawks all day long. She understands plenty and communicates her needs better than ever, despite that her only words remain "da! da!" half of "cat" ("cah!") and -- just yesterday -- "wah-ah" for "waffle."

No "mama." No sign of "mama." But that's okay. I totally understand the importance of waffles in the hierarchy of needs.

She has one tooth on the bottom, and finally has one tooth that's just broken through up top. And that's it. She is a gummy, drooly mess most of the time, but those two teeth get a lot of play.

She's pulling herself up on everything she can get her hands on, and can crawl like the wind. She is completely disinterested in walking, and that's fine with us. We've already had to clear our home of everything mouth-sized or breakable within arm's reach of her anyway.

She doesn't care for her baby pool.

She adores Yo Gabba Gabba.

She sings. If you sing, she sings. If you sing a Yo Gabba Gabba song, she lights up and kicks and waves her arms.

She isn't overly attached to her pacifier. She sleeps with it, but in the morning when we get her, we just ask her to please put the paci in the crib, and she does. On the other hand, she hates the sippy cup and refuses to use it for milk; only the bottle will do.

She is a happy, happy baby.

And in case you haven't had enough of my Proud Mama-ing all over this blog, here's a Year In Pictures Photo Montage I cobbled together. If you don't feel like watching five minutes of my child's photos, I don't blame you.

But it's pretty cute, if I do say so myself.

Friday, July 09, 2010

Let's Buy Wine!

You guys.

So, okay. I am part of a fantastic social media company called CleverGirls Collective (and when you go to the site you won't totally understand what we do but that's okay because it's changing and awesome things are going to start happening soon).


I live in Napa among the wines now, as if the mother ship has called me home. (Insert ray of light with choir singing here.)

It seemed only logical that I try to figure out a way to put those things together, right?

Well, right. So just this week, we've launched The CleverGirls Wine Club. And it's awesome!  A couple times a month, we will be bringing you great wines at exceptional values. We've hand-selected them (so you won't be embarrassed to serve them, we promise) and are getting great deals. Best of all, ANY TIME you order three or more bottles, shipping is FREE. 

It's like a dream come true. I'm doing the social media equivalent of selling wines on my blog. OH GLORY DAY!

Here's what we're offering right now. (And hey -- if you buy some? Tell me and we can drink together on Twitter.)

X Winery 2006 X Carneros Chardonnay
CleverGirls Wine Club Price: $12.37 (regularly $18) Plus FREE SHIPPING on 3 or more bottles
About The Wine: Offering crisp, mineral notes on the front palate rounded out with rich, tropical, buttery flavors on the finish.
Noteworthy: “The most obvious question with respect to X Winery and proprietor Reed Renaudin is how can these wines be this good at these prices? Everyone is looking for good values today, and here are some e(X)ceptional bargains.” – Robert Parker, The Wine Advocate

Bonneau 2005 Amador Zinfandel
CleverGirls Wine Club Price: $15.71 (regularly $22) Plus FREE SHIPPING on 3 or more bottles
About The Wine: Fragrant suggestions of blackberries, dark plums, raspberries and cassis with supporting notes of black pepper, clove, and nutmeg. On the palate, the wine is smooth, juicy and plump with great integration of fruit and spice, with full body and great purity. The finish is long and refined.
Noteworthy: Zinfandel! Big, spicy and delicious. Plans to BBQ? Give this a whirl!

Speedy Creek 2006 Knights Valley Sangiovese
CleverGirls Wine Club Price: $18 Plus FREE SHIPPING on 3 or more bottles
About the wine: The color is dark cherry red, ruby-hued. Nutmeg, potpourri and sweet strawberry on the nose, black cherry and plum palate, and a black pepper spice finish. The wine has a firm tannin structure that relaxes over about 20 minutes.
Noteworty: This Sangiovese won a silver medal at the 2009 Sonoma Harvest Fair after getting a bronze in 2008.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

"No One Can Save Me, The Damage Is Done"

Who DOESN'T like waking up to Bon Jovi?

I have more to say on the subject, but heyguesswhat. I turned 35 on the 4th of July. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. Also? THIRTY-FIVE*. This is sort of a little bit amazing because I wasn't yet 30 when I started this blog.

Anyway. I basically spent the entire weekend enjoying fine food and then fine tacos, beer, cupcakes, wine, hot dogs and quite possibly some sour cream and onion potato chips. Because there was my birthday and a giant party that lasted sort of three days and Ish's family got me an iPad and what's not to celebrate?

Oh, well, two things, actually.

One: Eve woke up at 3:15 a.m. on Friday with a fever. She's never really been sick before, and when she was a blotchy, feverish mess in the middle of the night -- the night before we were to have a house full of people, naturally -- I was at a loss. What do you do? By 3:45 I was ready to send emails to everyone and say DO NOT COME TO OUR PLAGUED HOUSE, but Ish talked me off the ledge. Eve was cool and sleeping soundly 15 minutes after administering baby medicine and then by the time she woke up and the sun was shining (at all of 6 a.m.) I decided simply to email all guests who had children and warn them about the fevery baby.

Eve managed to enjoy herself over the weekend despite not feeling so great. But awwww. :(

Two: At some point on Saturday night? Sunday night? I decided to bust out some dance moves, including the Cabbage Patch. Which is how I pulled a muscle in my leg, quite dramatically. I spent the rest of the weekend hobbling.

Thus. I'm blogging this morning because, with all the salt, booze and carbs I injested over the weekend without exercising and with a noticeable Cabbage-Patch hobble, I managed to gain about six pounds.

Yeah. So we'll just call it a setback. Bon Jovi style.

P.S. I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever admitted online anywhere what I actually weigh. Do you care? Is this something that matters to you?

*I had to write it out there in order to make the ALL CAPS work. Otherwise all-capping "35" just looks like "#%".

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I'm Proclaiming Things Again


I swear. I keep reprioritzing blogging -- I AM GOING TO BLOG MORE OFTEN! -- and then it's three weeks later and I'm sitting here in mis-matched, ill-fitting clothes with pureed sweet potatoes crusted under my fingernails wondering whether I forgot to put on a bra on today or if it was a conscious-albeit-pre-coffee-decision that I just don't remember making.

Working from home "part-time" takes EVERY SECOND YOU HAVE if you have a child under foot. That's just an FYI for any of you who think that working from home while you have a baby is "luxurious." Also, please see the above paragraph, wherein I can't remember how I came to spend the day braless.

So maybe the key is, once again, to just write whatever I can, whenever I can, and not feel bad/guilty/stressed/lame for posting short posts.

Let me just tell you that, among other things, I spent this past weekend consuming my weight in beer and carbs and I haven't run since Friday and I don't feel even the slightest bit of remorse. I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to lose another ten pounds by BlogHer, which is a giant, mystical goal that MUST BE ACHIEVED. Granted, I may have to rely on magic. But I'm okay with that.