Monday, February 27, 2006

I'm So Meta

i think i have decided heretoforth to:

a. use words like heretoforth, and

b. just continue to take pictures with my broken camera, if for no other reason than that it will be funny


oh hey! look! here's a great picture of my friend's left ear! i know you can't see her new glasses, but gosh, her earring sure is pretty!

and since i had the opportunity, i thought i would clarify what my broken camera looks like.

on second thought, perhaps i should just return to illustrations altogether.

Man With Cat: A Portrait

when i started looking through pictures i'd taken with my non-viewfinder-having camera, i discovered this shot, taken (obviously*) at christmastime.

my cats LOVE men. and men who like cats? my cats love those men EVEN MORE.

they will all but ignore me completely if they have a viable man-lap. not that i blame them, exactly, but come ON.




i am pretty sure he's** thinking, "mommy? who's mommy? i don't know what you're talking about. Ish, keep rubbing. ignore that woman with the camera. she is crazy."



*because yes, that is a fake, lighted christmas tree in the background.

**i actually tried this picture with a thought bubble over my cat's head, but then decided that to do so might set me down a very un-good path. a path, for example, wherein i might take pictures of my cats, determine what they're thinking, illustrate a thought bubble, write my cat's thoughts in the bubble, and then post the whole thing on my blog. yeah, not good. i would prefer not to remain single for the rest of my life, thanks.

THE VAULT: ISSUE #1

so remember when i said i might start pulling things out from the vault for your viewing pleasure (and indulging my cancerian-like tendencies toward galloping down memory lane)?

so as the 27th is the 10th anniversary of my first date with my ex-husband, david, i thought i may as well bust out this little gem.

it was the first note i ever received from a boy. my first boyfriend, who was also named david. (i decided when i was 11 that my husband's name would be david. it never ceases to amaze me when Fate actually listens. interesting that i never managed to declare the name of my second husband. thoughts, anyone?)

anyway. i received this note in december of 6th grade. it was monumental. he'd thrown it into my locker, and it took me a week or so to find it. and i mean, WOW. by 6th-grade standards, he may as well have walked up to me in the hallway, gotten down on one knee and proposed, given all he professed in this oh-so-poetic note, pictured below.

[now, before i show you this picture, i should mention something. and that is that the amazingly awesome camera my sister bought me for my 30th birthday maybe fell victim to breezy elegance on halloween, and maybe that is why you have not seen pictures since. maybe. because maybe there is no longer a functioning view finder, so the only way i can take pictures is to um, "guess" at what the picture might look like. this results in less-than-optimal images. but now that i have confessed this, i will start posting pictures again, they will just be fuzzy and the composition will be a bit...off.]

[i had to take 12 pictures of this note before i found one that was legible.]


so without further ado:



(click for larger!)


and here are my thoughts on this, nearly 20 years later...

Dear Kristy,

already we have correct punctuation AND correct spelling of my name. this is more than i have come to expect from most adult males.

I've heard you like me.

given that we were 11, this first sentence was SHOCKING and TERRIFYING. i remember thinking, "OH MY GOD! HE HATES ME!! WHO TOLD HIM I LIKED HIM!?!? I AM GOING TO DIE!!!"

If it's true, tell me. I won't get mad, I promise.

um, won't get mad? i remember thinking this odd. i mean, i didn't want him to hate me or think me a loser, but why would he be MAD at me liking him? what was THAT about?

If it's true, it's actually nice to know that someone with beauty and brains like you likes me, if that's true.

that's three "if it's true"s. still, what a compliment, huh? "beauty and brains." that was pretty heavy for 6th grade. plus with the grammar! i was in love.

I would really like to get to know [spot].

i could only assume he meant to write "you" there but got a little overzealous. i found it endearing.

well, sort of endearing. sort of annyoing. but what can i say. editors are born, people.


I hope you will like to get to know me too.

correct spelling of "too." and didja notice that he said "will" and not "would." confident!

Don't tell any of your friends about this,

um. i repeat, i was 11. i am not sure i even made it to the end of the note before sharing it with at least 4 others.

I wrote a letter to someone when I was in fourth grade and everyone knew about it the next day.

not maybe the best closer. i mean, he was basically saying that he's been writing notes to girls with "beauty and brains" for two years. still, i understood his concern. i tried to be discreet with the 187 girls i told.

Yours truly

ooh, CURSIVE WRITING!

Dave S.

the boy i did, indeed, have a crush on. is that hot or what!?

anyway, there it is: the note from my first "official" boyfriend. i wrote him a note in response, and eventually -- eventually, after agonizing note-writing and eventual phone calls -- we started "going out."

in fact, we made it as "a couple" (which mostly meant talking on the phone and occassionally sitting next to each other at parties where, after maybe 3 or so hours, a kiss might actually happen) for the rest of the school year, but not through our respective summers away at camp.

throughout the rest of middle school, we were something of an on-again/off-again couple. more off than on. we drove each other crazy. it was, as much as it could be, very maddy and david.

if you know what i mean.

then, in the first week of high school, i wrote a story about us (not naming names) and read it to my high school english class. i thought it would be sweet and sort of nostalgic, even then.

he, on the other hand, found it mortifying. and he never spoke to me again.*





*actually, that's not true. one of his best friends in middle school, someone i knew as well, killed himself two years after we graduated high school. dave ended up in front of me in line at the wake. while in line, i noticed that he had something on his jacket shoulder and i brushed it off without thinking. he turned to me and said, "thank you."

February Has 28 Alone. Thank God.

am. so. tired.

* * * * * * * *

NJ06 was going rather fabulously, thank you, until Life* intervened. as it tends to.

you know, when i lost a ton of weight in college (and kept it off for a long time, i should add), it was because i could focus on it. i mean, i had classes and homework and a part-time job, but i also had almost no social life and was living at home. so i had time. i was never so busy that i'd, say, forget to eat.** and then be so hungry later that i'd, say, realize i was ravenous and accidentally eat a couple fingerfuls of PINK CAKE.***

hmmm.****

but these last few weeks at work and with the socializing and concerts and parental visits and Ish's shows and and and, not so much with the gym. and way too much with the bad eating late at night because you realize at 6:30 that your last meal was a bran muffin at 8:54 a.m.

so i am all set to begin anew. refreshed.*****

* * * * * * *

oh, hey! remember valentine's day? yeah, me neither.

* * * * * * *

the wedding was amazing.

i found a dress at about 7:30 p.m. on thursday, after one of the longest days of work i've ever had. i had dragged my sorry, stressful, unfed ass to macy's and was ready to settle. i was tired and had come to the sad conclusion that it was 2 days before the wedding, i had run out of time, i had not lost all the weight i'd wanted, and could not show up at the wedding naked. or in a sack. much as i was ready to.

so i went to the "normal" dress section, where at least i'd discovered earlier that i fit into the normal sized dresses HURRAH HURRAH. because i HATE shopping in the "Macy's Woman" section, for reasons i've pointed out about a million zillion times.

anyway, so i made my way to the dress department, whereupon i discovered that there was a PRIVATE EVENT going on from 5 - 8 p.m. IN THE DRESS DEPARTMENT. i just stood there. i almost cried, too, except i was so tired and so defeated that it just seemed comical.

except then i realized i had only one rational****** choice before me: checking out the "Woman" department (since, you know, i had about 2 hours left in the world to find a dress, unless i wanted to shop on the day OF the wedding, which was just not going to be okay).

and lo. i found one. in the smallest size they offered, i found a (slightly loose) dress that ended up looking great, all things considered. and i cannot find a picture of it online anywhere to show you so just know that i did not show up at my friends' wedding naked.
[i DID show up in time to sing the processional in such a way as to permanently have me removed from any Potential Wedding Singers' list, but that is not the point.]
the wedding ceremony was lovely. the bride and groom looked stunning and happy (if a bit stressed. ahem.). the reception was perfect, despite near-disasters (the caterers were 1.5 hours late, for example). and a grand time was had by all.

it was so nice to be in a room with so much love and happiness, with so many people i care so deeply about, celebrating something so inherently good.

we should all be so lucky.*******

* * * * * * * *

as i believe i have pointed out, i am a complete sentimentalist when it comes to remembering dates.

february 27 is not only the aforementioned groom's birthday (Happy B-Day!), it also marks the 10th anniversary of my first date with david. my ex-husband.

wonder if he has children.

* * * * * * * * *
*damned Life.

**seriously. i sometimes get so tense and wound up that i forget to eat. issues.

***who makes pink cake? even for valentine's day? and why leave it sitting around the office for three days? oh, right. to make a mockery of people like me who wait until day three to actually eat it. sigh.

****dunno what's up with my use of asterisks today.

*****as i am editing this now on monday, i will have you note that as a thank-you for my work last week, my boss brought in CAKE. for BREAKFAST. on a MONDAY. i had some, but not much. plus it had a strawberry on top so was almost healthful. shutup.

******as opposed to seriously considering a sack. because i have a dress that fits like one.

*******and use the word "so" as often as humanly possible, apparently.

But You Don't Know Me

tra la la.

this is a personal blog and i am happy to have the readership that i do. everything i write here is the truth and it comes from an honest place.

the things i enjoy writing here are mostly funny, silly, quirky bits about my life. they are personal. they are real. oh, and my voice? this one here? that's real, too.

so if you think, just from reading this blog, that you know me...you are right. you probably do.

a little.

but i have not, in any way, painted a complete picture of me and my life here. and i will never attempt to. frankly, neither of us has the patience for that. there is just too much to tell and, dear invisible internet friends, this is not my autobiography.

i DO carefully pick and choose what i write about here, and not because of my commenters (though that HAS become more prickly of late). i pick and choose because, well, that's what writers do.

so i feel disappointed when people are so judgmental of me, based solely on the limited information i provide.

and i likewise feel disappointed that some of you seem to feel like i'm "hiding" stuff from you. i'm not. i'm just omitting things i don't feel like sharing -- and those things are many and varied. depending on my readers, i'm sure some of those things would be considered sordid and scandalous, others just sad and boring. some would seem scintillating, some utterly shocking, some completely unrelateable.

so i'll just keep on doing what i do, writing what i write, and hope you'll play along.

onward.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Insanity

i started a valentine's day post on 2/14. in case you were wondering. it's half-way done.

i knew going in that february was going to be an insanely busy month, and it has not fallen short of my expectations.

for one thing, there's my job. (this entry is gonna be quick and dirty, so i haven't time for the job-as-Bob metaphors.) i know i hardly ever mention what i do, but one of the things i do is plan/produce company-wide meetings. and that can get tricky when there's one meeting in a week. this week there are THREE of them.

for another, last weekend my a cappella group had a concert for our parents! which was awesome and super and fun and also a big deal because my dad and jane came to visit. so they were here from thursday until this morning. cool! fun! yay! BUSY!!

next weekend is my friends' wedding. so there have been showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, rehearsals, and details to plan. it's all so fun, but also busy. plus i still don't have a dress.

anyway, i will return to posting more often just as soon as i get february done.

miss you!!

Friday, February 10, 2006

I Have Cats

while i'm busy working on important things like closet clutter and not killing myself on stairmasters and occassionally getting up the nerve to do open mics, my family back east is working on silly things like raising children.

[i have to say, i've been reluctant to post much about the child-having epidemic that is sweeping people i know in the northeast -- since i do get some pretty negative feedback. i mean, i can handle negativity when it's aimed at me, but i take serious issue with it being aimed at my family and babies.]

ANYWAY.

there really is an epidemic going on. i noticed this at christmas, when i suddenly realized that all these people (who are my age and younger) are getting married and buying houses and having children.

it's almost as if -- and call me crazy here -- but it's as if when i left for san francisco, the lives of the people back home didn't just freeze in time.

i know! crazy!

so while i'm out here doing pretty much the opposite of having children,* i get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing pictures of the various babies. i just quietly, casually shutterfly-stalk my friends and relations. you know.

but i couldn't hold out sharing SOME of the pictures any more.

first we have an updated shot of my nephew, Charlie. who is a very, very big baby who likes carrots. a lot.


(click for larger)


but we also have my best friend's daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarling girl, Ella. who i am in love with. she is the cutest baby i have ever met (relations notwithstanding) and everyone should have pictures of her everywhere because seriously? cutest baby on the planet.**







*for now.

**hi em! hope this isn't weird! i just couldn't resist not sharing ANY LONGER!

Working It Out

i guess here's as good a place as any to start:

ketchit said...
So let's see, you finally went to the gym and worked out after how many times NOT going? I guess the slippery slope to NJ06 has commenced, yes? Like RiseyP said, you should change your motto at the top of the website because frankly, you really aren't losing weight or rather, focused on losing weight...

Why don't you make this a habit, perhaps? Posting your blog while you're exercising. In fact, make it a mandate: no blog posts unless it's done at the gym while working out. That way it's a done deal, or not. Your choice.

okay.

first of all, it's true. last week i only went to the gym once. BUT. this week (i'm happy to report), i have gone three times. yay!

a second point worth noting is that i AM losing weight. i AM focused on it, i've been really good about it, and i AM seeing results. slowly but surely.

but these points bring me to um, a somewhat perplexing matter: i'm not sure why anyone would feel compelled to come here and tell me i'm gaining weight (since i'm not). still, that alone is not really an eyebrow-raiser. what IS slightly more concerning is that someone would come here and tell me i'm gaining weight AND scold me for it while using the name of one of my friends. (i am referring to the quoted "riseyp" who did not actually leave said comment.) really, what's the deal there?

anyway. let's address the final point above. the one about how i should only blog if i'm at the gym.

everyone, i have to tell you that blogging from the stairmaster is definitely cool but it is also not a good idea.

see, when the brains behind the "let's attach a tv screen to the stairmaster machines" decided they would also add internet access, i do not think they had me in mind. i think the internet-attaching stairmaster inventors thought, "hey, maybe these stairclimbers would like to read Yahoo news while they work out. that might be a cool feature." i do NOT think they thought, "hey! you know what's missing from the average person's workout? the ability to WRITE BLOG ENTRIES! how could we have overlooked something so critical? we need to fix this right away!"

thus, the machines are set up to view websites, but not so much to interact with them.

and you want to know how i figured this out? shutup. i will tell you anyway because, as per usual, i figured it out the hard way.

here is a hint that you should not be blogging on the stairmaster: there is a screen but there is no mouse and also NO KEYBOARD.

so instead of being able to type like a normal person, you have to play a fun game of "touch-screen typing." or, as i more accurately call it, "try not to fall off the stairmaster."

(where's your lesson plan for THAT one, mavis beacon?)

here's how it works: you pick "choose website" from the touch screen, and then a keyboard magically appears. then you poke at the keyboard until you have your word typed out and then poke the "okay" button. then you are taken to your website but the keyboard disappears.

at first, i didn't know how to get it back.

then i poked at the screen a lot and discovered that if you poke on the screen in the place where you need to type something (like your login name), the keyboard reappears. unfortunately, you have to do this for every field you want to type in (meaning you hit "okay," keyboard disappears. you hit the next empty space on the screen and the keyboard reappears).

now.

you know how touch screens can be a little tempermental and hard to work when you're NOT aiming at tiny little boxes and when you're also NOT BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ON A STAIRMASTER? right. you see where i'm going with this.

but say you DO get the keyboard to appear and you ARE actually, miraculously, after much frantic screen-jabbing, typing out the body of a blog entry. hurrah! you might think. until you try to actually "type" whereupon you enter a whole new world of ergonomic acrobatics.

do me a favor? picture a keyboard on the bottom half of your computer screen. see it? now put your hands on it, in a position like you would for typing on a flat (not vertical) keyboard.

are you doing it?*

is any part of that comfortable?

right. of course not. it hurts your fingers, wrists, and shoulders. and i'm not going to ask you to stand up and pretend you're climbing stairs and THEN try and type vertically, but um. it certainly is one way to forget about your workout.

know what makes it even MORE fun? you know how when you work out, you get warm? like, not only do you sweat, but your body temperature actually rises? well, right. and now consider that touch jab-at screens are heat-sensitive. so the more i worked out, the warmer my fingers got, the more precise i had to be at aiming. EXCEPT the more i worked out, the more winded i got, the harder finger control (obviously) became.

all in all, i am not entirely sure how it was that i managed to get a whole entry out and also not sprain anything or, when i really think about it, fall off the stairmaster and die. but i didn't.

and thus, as much as i would love to limit my blog postings to only those written from inside the gym,** probably i should not tempt fate.



*don't lie to me.

**when a stranger blogs: we were able to trace the entry! it was coming from inside the gym!!!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

this is crazy

i forgot to charge my ipod. this means that i will not enjoy my workout in the slightest. usually. but! um, i have learned that there is internet access here on the stairmaster. yes. you read that right. i. am. on. the. stairmaster. i feel like i'm in some sort of futuristic wonderland...with no "return" key. picture, if you will, me panting. climbing. and typing on an (unforgiving) touch screeen. now i have lost the ability to see the screeen.....so more later. man, thi is coool.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Another Useless Entry

i'm just finishing up my lunch "hour" here at my desk and pondering the big questions of the day.

such as: how do the big bloggers do it?

i was just bopping around from blog to blog and noticed that the super popular ones all have something in common, aside from good writing. you know, like about nine hundred million entries.

it's true. the best blogs are updated frequently -- often more than once a day.

so how do they do it? what sort of time do these bloggers devote to their writing? what sort of secret time devices do they have?? and can i have one???


****

i did not eat any krispy kremes. i work in a room with four other people and one of the four (the most EVIL one, obviously) brought in a box of fresh krispy kremes this morning. there are still several left, sitting there, taunting me.

bitches.

****

i am not doing especially well diet-wise. i started in with chips and salsa on saturday afternoon and didn't reel in the eating of bad, salty/sugary things until sunday night. damn the superbowl and its delicious snack-inducing traditions.

plus i only went to the gym once last week and not at all this week yet. MUST GO.

perhaps whinger's suggestion of putting a sticker on the calendar every day i go is a good one.

****
soooooo much more to write. sooooo no time to do it.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Carb Stupid

i bought dinner tonight for me and the comic. and while i was selecting the various dinner components, i decided that a home cooked* meal perhaps requires dessert.

now, a couple years ago this would have been an impossibility, seeing as the world was still pro-low-fat, high-sugar dessert options that were loaded with calories and all sorts of unnatural badness.

whereas this evening, i was able to stroll the aisles and look for carb-friendly foods. and i selected Carb Smart rocky road ice cream. and of course i realize that this is ridiculous because:
  1. i am supposed to be eating healthy foods, i.e., non-processed stuff. and for some reason, i think maybe Carb Smart ice cream is not so much "unprocessed" as it is loaded with things i can't pronounce (and don't want to).
  2. my tummy does not respond well to milky products, ESPECIALLY not products that started out naturally "dairy" but have since been processed (see #1) to some other form of Sort Of Dairy.
  3. there is a very low likelihood that i will eat the recommended portion size (because no one who goes through the trouble of eating ice cream (or whatever, you know, a substance that is a reasonable facsimilie thereof) eats less than a cup).

but all this is not the point. the point is that i continue to eat consciously, and um. something else. actually, i can't remember what my point was because it's almost 8 and i haven't eaten yet.



*to wit: neither am i referring to my home nor am i the one cooking it. fear not, i have not gone all domestic on you.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Yarn Humor

dear yarn mafia:

in case you are trolling knitting blogs for keywords such as knitting knitting knitting yarn yarn purl knit yarn-over drop one pick up blocking y1 p2 ss1 felted weave ends in, here's a little entry just for you.

no, i haven't been knitting much lately. i have 42 million other projects that have seemed to take precedence and i'm sorry about that. i mean, do have every intention of finishing* the hat that goes with my aunt's scarf i made her for christmas, among other things.

but in the meantime, i thought i'd let you know that knitting has made its way into my stand-up routine. and that's gotta count for something, right? and while it will not translate well to the written space i am sure, the gist is something like...
so i've taken up knitting. because that is HOT. yes, very sexy...

though i have to say, knitting HAS become incredibly popular. in fact, they say that knitting is the new yoga.

um, okay. sure. i can kinda see that.

ah, except instead of losing weight and gaining flexibility, i make lumpy scarves and remind men of their grandmother.

right. so almost the same thing.

whatever. don't get uppity about the sarcasm. i didn't say you had to LIKE it, i just wanted you to know i hadn't lost sight of the relevance of yarn in my life.



*starting

Like That Time With The Onions

remember when i happened to mention that i spilled pink candle wax all over my kitchen because i didn't know how to otherwise fend off offensive onion fumes? and remember how you all were able to tell me how to fix my problem?

i'm thinking maybe you could do that again.

i don't know what i'm missing, but it's something. because wow. my kitchen floors are a nightmare.

my kitchen floor is black and white "tile." i might go so far as to say it's a "linoleum" floor, but to tell you the truth, i wouldn't know "real" linoleum from fake. (do they make fake linoleum?)

what i DO know is that my floor is cheap. and the tiles, whatever they are, appear mostly to be stuck on. also, as my rent is cheap* and i'm not planning on moving and also there are renter's rules and things, i am not about to do anything drastic like change or uproot or re-tile my floor.

so my question is, what am i missing? what is the magic cleaning tip that will keep my floors clean for more than 25 minutes? is there some sort of waxing involved? should i just resort to throw rugs? certainly there is a method that won't involve me washing the kitchen floor every day?

yeah?



*by san francisco standards, which is to say exorbitant anywhere else in the country. except manhattan.

NJ06: Update Two

what is up with people celebrating things post-holidays? seriously. can we stop with the cake, please?

today my workplace had a goodbye party for one of my fellow associates, and there was a big ole' honkin' chocolate cake sitting out in my department ALL AFTERNOON.

and no, i did not have any but damn, am i ever grumpy.
[also? whose idea was it to sell girl scout cookies in january? because that doesn't seem very kind-spirited to me. no. in fact, it seems rather mean and ill-conceived. THIS must be why i was never interested in being a girl scout* -- because i must have known, subconsciously, that it is just WRONG and EVIL to peddle delicious, non-profit carbs to the masses when they're in their most vulnerable state (that is, when they have just begun their new year's diets).

and p.s. is it REALLY necessary to plaster POSTERS of the damn cookies in the elevators at work? really?]

anway, hello.

NJ06 is going just fine. i have made some progress, and have already learned (or maybe re-learned as none of this is really news to me) some valuable lessons, which i will now share with you whether you want me to or not.

Things I Am Rather Shocked I Have Actually Done
  1. i organized my big closet. i even bought organizer thingies and used them.
    i have more work to do, of course. there is at least one last box of "stuff" still to go through, and i haven't even begun on my bedroom closet, but please. let's celebrate small wins.

  2. i have stuck to my diet mostly.
    there have been some transgressions, but they've been pretty well tempered. meaning, i have twice taken a meal "off" (where i allowed myself to eat anything i wanted), and then ended up taking the entirety of last weekend off, too.

    but even with the slight transgressions and even though i haven't weighed myself, i am fitting into some pants i couldn't a month ago. hurrah.

  3. i fixed my roots issues.
    it's not like getting my hair done is a hardship, but it's one of those things that i put off and put off because of the time and expense. so i'm glad i finally addressed this head on. (har, har.)

  4. i cleaned my bathroom.
    there is more to do, sure, but it's in better shape than it's been in ages. possibly ever.

    and so i would like to take a moment here to recognize my CuzNate and his beautiful girlfriend for giving me Mrs. Meyer's cleaning products for christmas. never in my life have i enjoyed cleaning so much as with these products -- they're amazing! it's like...imagine fancy-schmancy bath products that you use to clean your home instead of your body. mmmmm! they smell great and they feel great and they work really well! i have been forever changed.

    well, or almost. so yeah, i started on my bathroom but there remains some bleaching to be done.

  5. i have gone to the gym every week.

  6. i received re-Fridget Jones and she has a couple treats in her. i did not let one dead fridge derail me! hurrah! (see how i'm being all on the down-low about this? i am afraid my trumpeting the arrival of Fridget I was maybe what did her in.)

  7. i have done a couple open mics and will be doing one again (with Ish!) this weekend.
    these are still rather terrifying, but ever-so-slightly less so now.

Things I Have Learned
  1. i truly hate laundry.
    even when it's just a matter of bringing the stuff across the street, i still hate it. i do not think i should share with you how little i've done this month, but it's not a lot.

  2. i need to stop thinking i am going to spend any time on weeknights cleaning my apartment.
    it never happens. i HAVE to start planning weekend time for this.

  3. after much research, i have finally figured out that my cats pee on clean floors simply because they can. i'm certain of it.

  4. stand-up isn't just scary, it takes a lot of work. it takes time -- to write material and work it out -- and lots of practice. if i'm going to really try and get better, even really good, i have to recognize how much work it will take and commit to that work anyway.

  5. i will come up with lots of reasons not to go to the gym. i should not listen to them. i will never lose the weight i want if i don't commit to exercising. period.

that's about the sum of it.

i think january was pretty successful overall. i definitely got the year off to a good start.

i think my next big steps are figuring out what, exactly, is going to be involved in my "complete apartment overhaul" and giving myself deadlines.

also, i have avoided it up till now, but. i think the time has come for me to confess how much weight, exactly, i want to lose. and then pick a date (maybe sometime in march?) on which i'll weigh myself and see what progress i've made. i mean, maybe if i hold myself THAT accountable, it will help me stay on track.

can't hurt.


*i mean, aside from the fact that i don't like camping or hiking or nature